Have you heard that cliché about “it’s not about obtaining the goal it’s about the journey to obtain the goal?” I’m not so sure I agree with this anymore. At one time, it was sort of like my mantra - but not anymore.

I have a lot of trouble slowing down and smelling the roses. Here I am not working but I am still not savoring all the moments. Life is cruising by at warp speed. I never feel like what I have is “enough”. And it is. I have a great life. I wish there was a way to measure how much energy I expend on thinking about what I don’t have and spinning my wheels trying to achieve it.

I was watching the Sopranos the other day and Tony was telling Dr. Melfi how folks in other countries don’t work on their spiritual or emotional sides because they are focused on just trying to exist. That we here in America simply have too much time on our hands to focus on why we aren’t happy. That even though we have so much, we still aren’t happy. Her response was something along the lines of “well, isn’t it a good thing that you are past the evolution of trying to exist and can focus on making your emotional life better vs. just your physical life”.

Is that what I am doing? Am I focusing on my spiritual and emotional life trying to make that better? Why does it feel like I am a hamster on one of those spinning exercise wheels? Isn’t there more to life then this? And if I stop and put the flag in the sand and say this is enough, then how do I know I am not settling?

When is it enough? When do I feel thin enough. When do I feel rich enough. When do I feel happy enough? When is my marriage great enough? When am I satisfied? When is the magic moment when I recognize that THIS is ENOUGH?

Maybe what heaven is — is simply recognizing and savoring satisfaction? It’s not really the journey to satisfaction at all… but rather being able to recognize it when you get there. I’m beginning to wonder if I would recognize it or if I would simply be spinning on the wheel so fast that I would only catch a glimpse of it in the corner of my eye.

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