When you look at women in bikini’s on the beach…at what point do you say “Ummm.. she shouldn’t be wearing that”. Is it based on age? Is it based on fat level? Is it based on how toned they are? Is it based on how much sag they have? What exactly are the rules? What is the metric by which I measure whether I can get away with wearing a bikini? I’ve been a fat girl all my life and I truthfully haven’t really paid much attention to the rules of bikini wearing.

I seriously don’t know if I can get up the courage to wear a bikini — at least in a place where other people will see me. I still am not “small” but American standards. I’m no Calista Flockhart that’s for sure. I tend more towards the beefy Brooke Shields type. But I don’t know if I qualify for bikinidom. Part of me really wants to. How many 36 year old mother of three can say they WANT to wear a bikini? I figure I need to wear it like some sort of trophy. I have lost 160 lbs… hell I DESERVE to wear it. I felt fat in a bikini even when I wore one when I was 8 (and have never wore one since). Not that I think I still wouldn’t feel fat now — but hell I want to TRY IT!

I’m looking at all these catalogs and at the cute little bikinis on the pretty little long haired models. I did buy a tankinni that looks very cute on me. It has a high neck though and I really want something a touch more skimpy as I work towards basting in ultimate sun worship. I’m figuring that some good Florida sun worship poolside will do wonders to help me deal with my grief.

So at what point should people NOT wear bikinis? Are they not age appropriate for women in their mid thirties? Should only super models with perfect bodies where them? Do they have any place in middle-aged suburbia culture at all? If my tummy is fairly flat and my boobs are perky can I get away with it? Will the fact that this body hasn’t seen the inside of a gym for months preclude me from my bikini quest?

I’ll probably buy one and then just wear it when no one is around. But if dem is the rules, I might as well sun bathe naked. Least then I wouldn’t have to worry about tan lines.

Or maybe I should just give up the whole thing and head over to Mystic Tan.

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