I don’t know how it is in your house, but in our house, my husband and I don’t fight much. Fighting isn’t even the right word. About every 3 weeks, I tend to get upset about where we are at. I think we should be doing more together, or rather, I think he should be doing more. I want him to listen more, I want him to do more around the house, I want him to take over and manage our lives so I can have one freakin’ break. It’s always emotional and I feel like we are in that Bill Murray Groundhog Day movie. We are basically doing the same “discussion” once a month and then things go back to the way they were till I blow up again.

And before those of you of the male persuasion sock this up to hormones… it’s not. I had a hysterectomy so this has no hormone connection. At least not a direct link.

Hubby never gets upset with me. I mean rarely. He doesn’t at least get emotional or ever bitch about what I am doing or what I am not. He really doesn’t seem to care very much one way or another. What does upset him is when I get into these emotional rants. And he always says he’s sorry and he always says it will get better. But it doesn’t. It stays the same. I know it’s going to be the same, he knows it’s going to be the same… and well… it’s the same.

So why do I keep doing it? Why take us through the emotional torture of my ranting and desperate hope for change. He’s not going to change at this point of the game. I’m not going to leave him because well, as much as I think the grass is greener in other pastures, I’m quite comfy in my own pasture and logically think I’d be trading one issue for another in another pasture. I wouldn’t want to do it to the kids either. And of course, I do love the big lug… even though I feel like choking him sometimes.

So we drone on. I am wasting an incredible amount of energy when I do this once a month. I need to just stop. Truth is, nothing is going to change and I am just setting myself up for disappointment and angst thinking it is going to change. I need to focus my energy on the good things and be happy with what I got. Somehow I need to figure out a way to detach myself from this outcome of marital bliss I have in my head.

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