I think I have found the key to defining academic success. It’s the ability to focus. Seriously, I am now convinced that “smarts” has less to do with success vs. the ability to focus. This is a bittersweet realization.

I am a parent that expects a lot of my kids. I tend to assume that all my kids can reach a goal regardless of age or issue. I always assume more at the “high end of the scale” versus dumbing things down to a point I know they can obtain the goal. But I have softened and mellowed in other ways. How each child obtains the goal is different. How long it takes them to obtain the goal is different. There are variables to goal obtaining. I don’t think they will all get from point A to point B in the same way. My job as a parent is to help them to learn to exploit their own unique skill sets. We focus on what we can do versus what we can’t.

Let’s talk about my middle daughter Dinara. She’s a charmer. Her personality is warm and nurturing. She is drawn to babies and injured people like a moth to a flame. She’s the type of kid who will crawl up in your lap, hold your face in her hands, look deep into your eyes and then make you laugh. She’s a smart kid with a deep survival instinct.

Dinara needs help with focusing. She is easily distracted. A butterfly, a TV show, an interesting face… any of these things can pull away from the task at hand. And I’ve realized that this is going to be a huge obstacle in school.

Today in gymnastics class I stayed and watched as this coach tried to round up kids. My kid was distracted. The coach didn’t stop and even try to get Dinara’s attention. She just went on with the other kids – the needs of the many out weighed the needs of the one. And I realized that I spend a lot of my time now, (not even realizing it) matching my style to what Dinara needs. Dinara starts Kindergarten in a month and I shudder to think what the experience is going to be like for her. Is it realistic to think that a teacher with 21 other charges is going to match her style to what my daughter needs? Probably not.

This scares the crap out of me. In my heart, I know that my daughter would probably do best being home schooled. I expect the same thing from my Dinara that I do my other two, but I recognize that the way she has to learn it and the time it takes to learn it is different. I recognize the variables. And I know that school classrooms are set up for mainstream children who have xyz-learning pattern… and if my kid has uvwx-learning pattern… they are expected to adapt.

Do I dare say it? I’m worried that Dinara wont be able to adapt? And therefore instead of them teaching her in the method that is best for her, they will simply lower their expectations.

I do not want to homeschool. I admire homeschooling moms immensely. I admit that it’s laziness. I worry I wont be disciplined enough. I worry that I won’t keep them up to grade level. I worry that I can’t provide a rich enough social environment. I worry that I don’t have the patience.

Maybe we can swing private school. Maybe I’m starting down this path too early and owning a problem that isn’t there yet. But I know that isn’t true because the problem was evident in preschool. Dinara is going to need a different kind of learning environment then public school can provide. The question is can she adapt and learn like the other kids? I am sure she can, the question will be if I can be happy with knowing she’s not working to her full potential because they are unable to adapt to HER style. If they adapted to her style, she could do more, reach further and hit the exact same milestones.

As I watched my little girl get lost in the group at gymnastics, staring at whatever was holding her fancy and everyone else going with the group — the sad realization of what going to public school hit me… she may not be successful there and we might have to explore other options.

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