“Can I help you?” said the perky size 5 sales girl with beautiful blonde highlights and sun-kissed tanned skin.

“Do you have a bathing suit that will make me look like a size 7?” I droned without looking her in the eye.

Today I went and bought a new bathing suit for our trip to Disney World. Even after losing 160 lbs, bathing suit shopping still sucks. Will I ever be happy with how my body looks in a swim suit? Will I ever look in the mirror and think “dang girl.. You look good ”?

You don’t have to answer. That’s a rhetorical question.

I haven’t spoken to much about it but I had plastic surgery. I don’t talk about it because I fear it makes me look shallow. And I am not shallow at all. Actually I can’t believe I even did it, but that’s a topic for another post. I thought weightloss surgery would be enough to make me feel normal, but then after I lost the weight I realized the extra skin was keeping me from my normalcy goal. Plastics was a necessary step towards my goal of becoming normal. So I had a tummy tuck where they removed 13 lbs of skin. And I had a breast lift to put my girls back where God intended them to be. Now I have a normal body. Well.. Normal where they took away the extra skin.

So one would think after spending thousands of dollars on plastic surgery I would get a little “emotional-lift” bathing suit shopping with my new and improved body. Negative. Today I stood and looked in the mirror and STILL was critical. My arms have flappy skin. My thighs jiggle like jello. I am now all “mushy” instead of firm. At least when I was fat I was firm. Sure my tummy is flat and my boobs are perky but they are a glaring contrast to the rest of me. It’s like a big comic neon arrow is pointing at everything out flashing the words “Needs Work”. And it’s a sign I can’t turn off.

Make.It.Stop.Please.

Anyway, after trying on more suits then I care to mention I picked out the least offensive of the bunch and high tailed it out of there. And although shopping for bathing suits is a damn sight better then it was when I was huge, it still rates up there with root canal on the list of things I enjoy doing.

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