Sat 7 Aug 2004
Here is another excerpt from our travel journal on our adoption trip to Kazakhstan. If you wish to read more about our journey adpopting our infant son and toddler daughter at the same time, you can do so by looking in the archives for posts that start with a *.
We found out my mom and my daughter are ok. They were scared but everyone survived the earthquake. Now we can concentrate on the task at hand without having to worry about what is going on at home — bonding with our children.
Our visitations are from 10-11 with Noah and then 11-noon with Dinara. Then in the afternoon it’s from 3-4 with Noah and 4-6 with Dinara. We have extra time with Dinara because toddler’s need a bit more time to get used to their new parents.
Our morning session with Noah was ok. He wasn’t feeling himself, but he never cried. He’s an amazing baby. He’s very very active and has a very curious personality. If we put a toy on the other side of the blanket he’s there to see it. He loves sounds. He loves to bang his rattles together and have them make noise. He’s funny to watch. He’ll make a noise, and then look to his momma for her approval. Which of course he always gets. He also likes to do “so big” and “pattycake” and likes to hold onto my hands and stand on my lap. Oh.. And he likes daddy’s digital camera. So dad is happy he’s already showing good strong geek tendencies. I can tell that he is just thrilled to have all this one to one attention.
For me, our morning session with Dinara was the hardest one yet. They brought her into the music room “alone” without a child and as soon as she saw us, she started crying. This was uncomfortable in that there is another family who was doing their first time visit at the same time with their two children, and Dinara’s crying got their children started. They are brand new parents, and I just felt so bad. So I suggested to the caregiver we go to “groupa”. She agreed and Dinara stopped crying. (She understands EVERYTHING).
So we went to group… all the kids were in the potty peeing in little tupperware type bowls all at the same time! But a little boy came out and we rolled a ball again. It saddens me that it’s easier to be with other children then my own child, but this is the way things are going to be. I knew toddler adoption wasn’t going to be a walk in the park. After playing with the other boy, Dinara lightened up a bit. We were able to coerce her to sit on Daddy’s lap if Sergi sat on Daddies lap. Sergi and I started playing a puzzle, and Dinara stayed on his lap. Then she got up and it was time for us to go. She sat down to get her lunch and I walked over to her and gave her a kiss and hug and told her bye bye. Daddy did the same. She let us kiss her… so it was progress. We take it where we can get it.These are just such small baby steps of progress with Dinara. It’s very difficult… but the afternoon made up for everything.
Our afternoon visit with Dinara was GREAT. Timur came with her and they sent an interpreter over to help us out. Dinara speaks both Kazak and Russian. And she babbles a lot. Anyway… She sat on daddies lap with Timur and we played. After awhile the caretaker left without her noticing. YAY! So it was just us, the interpreter and Timur. She got very happy. We played puzzles, we played with the bunny, we played we played with the stack rings. We tickled, and we looked at books. She really LOVES that album we sent. She pointed to all of us and knew who is papa and who is mama and who is “see-estra” and “eat” Eat=dog in Kazakh. She is very taken with the dog.
So all was happy at this session. We measure progress not by how much she loves us but by how much she tolerates us. They tried to take Timur out of the music room, but she wasn’t interested…started to cry. Again, we didn’t push it. I know each day is going to be small baby steps. She gave us hugs and kisses when we left and said “bye-bye” to us. I could tell by the eye contact and smile that her affection for us is growing…. Albeit very slowly.
Even though we were prepared for this to be hard, it’s still hard to come in day after day to a child who clearly not only doesn’t love you, but also isn’t even sure they like you. Especially when you are forming your own strong attachments to this new little person. She has no idea how much we love her already and how her rejection feels. But I hope she knows in her heart and she can feel in her soul, that no matter what she does, we are going to love her anyway… forever.
John and I are mostly eating in the apartment. We had pizza at a pub today that was pretty good… but by dinner time, we are so exhausted, we just want to go to bed. I’m still feeling nauseated. It’s better, but I think the emotional toll is there plus all the different foods. My stomach is revolting and still hasn’t calmed since Moscow. We are afraid to eat meat here since a staple of Kazakh food is horse. So we are eating Vegetarian. The no protein isn’t helping my weakness I guess. And those five flights of stairs insure we get our daily exercise!
Everything here is going ok. The other couple said that Gulbanu mentioned that there was some article in the paper here that was against the Kazakh children being adopted internationally. She seemed to think it would not effect our court … but could others. That has me kind of freaked out. I would NOT want to leave here with out Noah and Dinara.
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