I think my eat everything you want because you have a get out of jail free card has an expiration date. I think I’m going to have to start watching what I eat like a normal person. This is not happy news.

This weight loss surgery I had has been amazing. For the last almost three years, I have been able to eat ANYTHING and still lose weight and maintain the loss. For instance, when I found out that I had a grapefruit sized tumor on my ovary and my cancer blood test was very elevated… I did what any overweight compulsive over eater would do. I ate. And I ate A LOT. They operated on my stomach and intestines but the fat wench with no self-control is still alive and kicking. No lobotomy was performed. And to put “a lot” into perspective, I was putting away ½ an Entenmanns Crumb Cake a day and STILL lost 11 lbs that month. I mean when I say I could eat ANYTHING and still lose weight. That this surgery was NIRVANA. I’m not exaggerating. Even at the pinnacle of depression, I not only maintained my weightloss without having to obsess, but actually lost more weight.

So you’ll pardon me if I gush a bit. I’m a bit like a newly Born Again Christian wanting to spread the joy. I’m like those people on the commercial.. “I lowered my cholesterol”. Yeah. I really did. And I’ll tell anyone that my cholesterol now is between 95 and 110. Amazing. And I eat eggs EVERY morning and bacon several times a week. And we won’t mention my affair with butter…. Don’t you want to just smack me into next Wednesday for being so giddy?

I still don’t absorb fat, but it does seem like my Caloric Karma might be fading fast. I’ve put on several pounds and they aren’t just dropping off like they used to. I used to bounce around in this 10 lb range. Well… I’ve bounced out of the range and seem now to have settled at what used to be the top of the range. This is scary. I need to perhaps… (gulp) … I can’t even type the word.

So now the question is…what am I going to do about it? Yeah. Well. Good question. I seriously need to get my lazy white ass some exercise. But I am LOATHE to do it. I am just not very motivated. I need me some motivation. I’m wondering if motivation comes in a 5 10, well-oiled, cabana boy type package? My financial consultant tells me that I might be able to lower my life insurance rates if get this ten pounds off… maybe money will motivate me?

Anyway… I am thinking of buying one of these. And I’m trying to cut back on my addiction to all things containing sugar.

I’ll update you in a few weeks on how I’m doing. I’m off now to go have a piece of German Chocolate Cake.

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