So can you teach political savvyness? Or would it be savviness? Am I making up a word? I believe that being politically savvy is one of the big 5 characteristics of being successful in the workplace. So I really want to help my kids learn this skill. And I find, that I am going to have to actually slow down and articulate a plan on how to go about teaching this. First step to get across is listening and asking smart questions. Got to teach them that. It’s not going to come by osmosis. If I don’t think about this now and how I want to get the message across, I am going to miss opportunities. Like I almost did this morning.

So Emma. Dear sweet verbal but gets frustrated oh so easily Emma. Much like her mother, she’s got a big mouth. And she struggles to keep it in check when things aren’t going her way. She’s more a drama queen then I am so the whole controlling her emotions is a big lesson. But we are so a like on the mouth of the south thing. When I was younger, there was no filter. Everything that entered my head came out my mouth. I thought so fast that I didn’t slow my thoughts down and think about what goal I wanted to achieve and how to best go about getting there. I just started to flap my gums, happy if anyone was listening to me. And they usually were, because.. well… I have a big mouth. Who could miss my ranting and raving when I was doing it so persistently and loudly!

So this morning, I was frustrated because Noah kept coming to me telling me every little thing his oldest sister was doing that was wrong. These were little things, but I am very consistent in our house and so it was getting annoying to have to keep dealing with every infraction. Over and over. It didn’t stop. The last one was that his sister used the word stupid. Stupid is a strong word and we don’t use it. Noah was pointing out his sister used it. But why tell me? Just tell her to stop. And it hit me that Noah was coming to me to have me deal with it, because he couldn’t communicate with Emma because of her style. She just railroaded right over him and didn’t validate anything or listen to what he was really saying.

So Emma and I had a talk. We talked about how the reason her brother keeps telling on her is because she doesn’t listen. She didn’t like hearing that, but it’s true. Does she like it when he does that? No. Would she like to learn a way to make it stop? Yes. (Yes my trial close skills come in handy in parenting!) We talked about how she doesn’t validate her brother and what he says. If she doesn’t think he understands, then she needs to gently explain things to him on why he’s got it wrong. She needs to practice being a calming force in a crisis. And if she is wrong, she needs to cop to it and apologize. And if she can’t figure out what is wrong, she has to keep asking smart questions to figure it out. He will actually appreciate the fact that she’s trying and that will usually buy her a ton of good will from him.

Well, I made her try it and it didn’t go well. Mostly it was her attitude. Mostly it was that she kept choking on having to admit she was wrong. Scares me how much she is like me sometimes. Ha. So we role played. And it went well. She then tried it on her brother and he, as if on cue, hugged her and forgave her. All was happy. The birds sang. You could almost hear the music swelling in the soundtrack of “The Sibling Movie”. Noah felt like his sister listened, I felt like I might get a future reprieve from Noah’s endless tattling and Emma felt empowered to handle her little brother in a less confrontational way.

And I could end the story right there. It’s a happy ending. But it even got a bit better. Better in that I was able to go a bit deeper with my almost eight year old daughter.

On the way to school Emma asked how I knew to do that. How I knew that asking questions and listening would make Noah feel better. (And no, I didn’t tell her about my addiction to self help books!) And we talked about what work is like. We actually touched on office politics and how people decide people get more money. I explained being politically savvy. She was very intrigued. I told her that when you work with really smart people, the thing that sets you apart is not your brain or how well you do your work necessarily; it’s how well you can get other people to see things your way. That if your goal is to be the “best”, that often times being politically savvy is what will set you apart from the rest.

She thought about that a minute and told me that she thought that was true at school too.

And I smiled to myself, proud of my almost eight year old.

Related posts:

  1. Be Nice or Else I’ll Use Duct Tape
    2.    Each of my kids offers unique stylistic...
  2. Comfort Line?
    3.   We had a nice mother daughter day yesterday....
  3. Teaching Empathy
    4.    Last night at the dinner table, my first...