I write you this little note because obviously, I am among the more enlightened. I am trying to think how we can go about educating you en masse. I fear it’s futile. Maybe we need to hand you some little flyers at the door. Maybe we should have you sign a pledge when you join the membership. Maybe you just are clueless and we should bestow sympathy upon you and your IQ that must be around 50.

In my quest be gracious, I have taken a time to write the basic rules of navigating Costco. You can thank me later.

1. Flatbed carts always have the right away. Always. So move the hell over.
2. Stay to the left or the right… not in the middle. Middle is the passing lane. We take away your Executive Club Rebate if you break this rule.
3. Do not discuss “sharing a bag of pears” in the middle of the fruit aisle backing up people in both directions.
4. Just flash the guy at the door your card. Don’t stop to chat him up.
5. Leave your big things in the cart. No need to take up valuable conveyer space that the person behind you could be using with your toilet paper and paper towels.
6. No standing at the food demonstrator’s table waiting for seconds or thirds. Get your grub and move the hell along. You could probably stand to lose a few pounds anyway.
7. It’s encouraged that you leave your cart in a less busy place and go grab what you want. Do not leave your cart parked in a busy place. Like in front of the books.
8. If someone has a cart full of stuff and your cart is half empty, move over first. It’s harder to make full carts turn. And it would really hurt if they pushed their cart hard and hit you with it because you were inconsiderate.
9. Watch your cart coming around turns. No extra points for plowing over small children.
10. Do NOT stop and chat with your spouse in front of where you get the carts. You can yell at him just as easily while you walk inside the store.

Or maybe we should put flashing signs all over the store that say: Always be thinking folks: How can I get out of people’s way?

Yes I shopped at Costco today. Oh happy day.

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