Happy Easter!

Kids are coming down from their sugar high. No, not from the candy, but from the yummy pancake breakfast Daddy made for us this morning.

Just another Sunday. John ran to Home Depot to go buy some shelving and a new waterline for the ice maker. I’m irritated by this. Have no idea why. It’s one of those things that he’s just tunnel vision focused on and I’d rather him be focused on something else. He asked me why I was irritated and I honestly had to tell him “I have no idea”. Anyway… the freaking fridge was leaking. Who knows how long. Water was standing behind it and did some damage to the hardwood floor, but we’ll have to deal with that later. Did I mention I’m irritated? Maybe I’m just displacing my irritation with the leak…

So I am waiting for him to come home so I can run out to do the weekly grocery shopping. I actually want to switch to start doing grocery shopping more then once a week. I want to get more fresh produce and less processed crap. But amazingly, this is a hard habit to break. Because I hate grocery shopping. You’d think someone who loves food as much as I do would enjoy going to a whole store full of it. But I don’t.

Gee… aren’t I a basket of joy this morning?

And I’ve been trying to determine what I need to wear for my 15- year college reunion. I need a new suit and a cocktail dress. I live in Seattle. We don’t do suits here. We don’t do cocktail anything. My wardrobe is jeans. So I must go spend more freakin’ money. Because you know, in the south they know how to be proper - or at least look it.

So I’ve been looking at the latest styles trying to determine analytically what would work for my body type. Sadly I have realized something. Obviously most women who wear cocktail dresses don’t think their upper arms are flabby. Cause they are all spaghetti straps. If I had arms like Linda Hamilton in the Terminator 2 movie, I guess I’d be thrilled with some cute spaghetti strap number. But after losing all this weight, my upper arms are not something I want to showcase. Even if I was in shape, extra skin isn’t attractive.

And since I’m tall, finding a suit isn’t an easy breezy situation either. Hard to find jackets with long enough arms. Pants can be hemmed. But then I have to pick out shoes too. God. And they have be comfortable since I’ll be wearing them all day. And I have to wear at least some sort of heel. Blah.

See? Isn’t this fun? Don’t you love it when I get like this? Complain, complain, complain. Joyful, joyful we adore thee.

Honestly, since I am going to look 200% better then I did when I left college (down over 150 lbs) why do I even care? Really? I could go in burlap and look better then I did then all fat. I’m half the person I was and that’s a way bigger accomplishment to wear on my sleeve then what clothing I am wearing. But a $400 Dana Buchman suit would make me feel better. Ha.

And then there is the dreaded “what are you doing now” question. If I answer “retired” people automatically assume I just quit to stay home with the kids. Uh hello. I was the major bread winner here. It like diminishes my accomplishment because I am female and I had kids. But what can I say really? If I say “retired from the big fortune 500 company” they are immediately calculating the stock options in their head. It’s a little crass to point out one’s financial success. And yet it is money that was the metric that allows me to stay at home. If I say “I’m a stay at home mom”.. it sounds like I wasted my education. No pushing my way up the ladder. That I gave up my dreams to play mommy martyr. No way to point out “But I made it to the top rungs of the ladder!” I’ve been approached to sit on the Board of Trustees at the college… but those people are all 30 years my senior and “get where I’m at” without me having to explain it. My peers and contemporaries are clueless. I guess I’m ok leaving them there. Being a stay at home mom is now my identity. There is some pride in that for me… I just don’t want to diminish my career success because I no longer live it daily ya know? My identity is no longer wrapped up in work. There is no need to justify my 80K small women’s college education to my contemporaries. To prove to them I didn’t waste it. To showcase my success. Why do I feel the need to justify and showcase? Isn’t that shallow?

Let’s face it, this whole trip is just fraught with stress. Mother in law. College reunion. Taking all the kids. I need to just suck it up and do what I know I have to do. Change my perspective. I’ll be fine once I get there. God help you dear readers, because you will have to put up with this process for the next few weeks. I’ll try to not bemoan about it too much. Lucky for you, I’m pretty good at burying stuff. Heh. {*deep cleansing breath*} Be happy with who you are now Kym. Focus on the goodness you have already brought into your life. No need to try to change more now before you go. You have nothing to prove. Time to get your head in the right place.

Hmmmmm. Wonder if I can find an appointment for some ZOOM whitening in the next two weeks?

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