Fri 15 Apr 2005
Consequences that Work: Mission Accomplished
Posted by Kym under Kids and Hubby
I’m finally getting smart as a mom. In our house, consequences have always centered on time outs. Mostly. I mean, my girls tend to be dramatic, so especially for Emma, time outs worked well because I rationalized that I was teaching the coping skill of “getting to a quiet place to calm yourself”. Yeah, well… problem is, she likes to read books. And when I sent her to her room, she was simply just reading. In fact, in the heat of anger, she has even told me “Fine! I love going to my room. I’m outta here.”
No more. On Mir’s suggestion, I created a consequence jar. This is the perfect method to deliver my new and improved consequences. Amazingly, I’ve only had to use it once for each kid. But I got smart and filled that jar up with things I would want done. Skills that they would need to know no matter what. Things like:
Sort two toy bins of mommy’s choosing.
Wash the floor of mommy’s choosing with two dishrags.
Sort and put away 15 pairs of socks.
Weed the flower bed.
Sweep the garage floor.
Oh.. man… Why didn’t I think of this before? When will they be old enough to clean out the fridge? When can I have them sort the junk drawer? Can I honestly say that I am actually looking forward to consequences now? It’s like consequence for the kid, but a present for the mommy having to deal with all the whining and drama. I love it!
I admit it, in my head I just didn’t “age them” for consequences. Consequences were all about what was easy for me and didn’t challenge them at all. And they didn’t make them think. They simply tended to remove them from the charged situation. But I have seen the light! Can I hear an Amen!!!
Emma had to clean out two bins in the playroom. She only had 30 minutes to do it too or else she would get to choose another consequence. I decided that it was very important to put time limits. Time was more important to me then quality at this point. The bins are all nicely organized now and she did it in 30 minutes. YAHOO!
Dinara is currently going over the bathroom floor with a wet rag. And you know what… her first comment was “I think I like timeouts better”.
Mission accomplished.
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April 15th, 2005 at 9:50 am
Bravo, Mommy!!!!! You’re so awesome. Since our first session with the therapist was about consequences, this really gets me thinking. I’m betting that I too can come up with better, more efficacious consequences. You’re doing such an awesome job as a mother. You Rock!
April 15th, 2005 at 10:03 am
Woo Hoo! I saw Mir post this and thought it seemed like a great idea. Time-outs are working for us since I don’t allow them to go to their rooms but it’s just boring. I’m not sure they are really changing their attitudes. It just gives them time to sulk. I may just give this a try!
April 15th, 2005 at 10:14 am
Why didn’t I think of that? That’s the best one yet.
Cas
April 15th, 2005 at 11:17 am
Wow, that really does sound like a great idea. Oh, and given that I was a book worm my mother made time outs sitting in a chair at the end of the hallway facing the corner. No books, no crayons, no pictures - just me and the wall.
April 15th, 2005 at 11:51 am
Great!
I know what I’m gonna do tonite. Make us a jar!!
April 15th, 2005 at 2:34 pm
Great idea! Years from now I’ll use this, too.
April 15th, 2005 at 7:41 pm
That’s incredibly creative!
April 15th, 2005 at 8:01 pm
You are so smart. I’m pretty impressed that you accomplish two goals with each incident.
April 16th, 2005 at 1:41 pm
this rocks, you too! let us in on some of your other consequences. i’m all aboard for your short list, but we need more! i salute you!
April 16th, 2005 at 6:40 pm
We have a jar, but it isn’t for consequences. Anytime we clean up, I write the jobs on little slips of paper. I always include one blank one as a ‘lucky draw’. The kids pull out their own chores, so they can’t complain to anyone but themselves! Good idea about the consequence jar. I think I’ll give it a try!!!