Yesterday folks asked me to talk about the “peace” I brought into my life. If you saw how upset I was last week, you’d really think my peace was extra amazing. (Sorry can’t blog the details) I think the overwhelming thing I keep focused on when I feel really upset is that I have a “belief” system that allows me to believe that everything is unfolding as it should. No matter what happens, I believe that there is a reason it’s happening the way it’s happening. That there is a lesson I am supposed to learn from it.

And sometimes, it’s really difficult. This week, I had a really hard week emotionally. I think that things that I said might have caused someone deep pain and caused them to react in a very extreme way. Even though I was angry with this person I really was sad and feeling guilty that perhaps my comments caused the reaction… and I didn’t quite know what to do with their anger towards me or my anger towards them. I don’t like when people are angry with me…especially when I feel they didn’t have the whole story. I was frustrated because communication had collapsed… and it seriously was getting to be too much effort to keep trying. I simply felt depressed because I was having to stray far from who I am.

And so I simply took some time and did what always works for me. I sought out peace.

If I am really upset, I focus on things that make me feel more in control. Usually, my being upset can be traced to feeling out of ‘control’ about something. So… I do the one thing that makes me feel in control. I organize. (Or eat… but we are going to talk about my positive trait here! Ha!) I pick something in my house and hyper focus on that. I honestly try to pick something that has been bothering me for a while. Like perhaps my closet or a junk drawer. Something that sucks abit of energy from me every time I encounter it. Organizing gives me peace. It is uplifting to me to take something that makes me feel bad when I see it and change it into something that not only doesn’t make me feel bad anymore… but now makes me feel good! It’s like a drug fix and it is very soothing to me. This organizing helps distract me from the pain while I compose myself… and I am able to organize my feelings while I’m organizing my drawer!

Once I clear out of the deep hurt and overwhelmed feelings…then I can really think about what is going on and how I want to deal with it. I spend time thinking about what is important to me. I fall back on my values and standards and let them guide me. I meditate… although sometimes, I’m still too upset to be able to push what is bothering me out of my mind. Mostly though, if all else fails, I fall back to trying to treat people the way that I would want to be treated. If the friendship is ending… I offer closure. If it’s an argument, I offer to talk about it. Etc etc.

If I have a friend I can count on for good advice, often I might turn to them for some soothing. Sometimes they can offer me additional insights that will help me gain perspective (and feel in control!). I usually only use the friend thing when I think I am missing part of the picture. Other times, when I know I was at fault… It’s really simply more about me spending time with me, listening to my own voice, and deciding what my steps are. I simply have to be alone. I go on autopilot really. I tell people no with regards to projects. I do not go out with friends. Anything “extra” is just given to the kids. Everything else is only about me. During this phase, I just have nothing extra to give.

Once I have cleared away the noise, then I can focus on creating peace. Peace isn’t something that just descends on you. Defining peace is difficult don’t you think? It’s sorta like music… we might describe the same thing differently right? What music makes me feel good might not do the same for you. It’s subjective. It’s how it feels. It’s quiet, calm and loving. It’s open… and so instead of trying to make an ENTIRE DAY that way… I start with just trying to create a moment. It’s like when you feel like crap but you smile anyway… and if you do it enough, you realize you do feel ok. Same thing with peace. Start small…

I focus on creating a moment just for me. Something that is for me and is focused on me and I am recognizing the whole time it’s for me. It’s not necessarily that it’s out of the ordinary. What’s out of the ordinary about it is that I stop to enjoy it and recognize that it’s important, valued and beautiful. So perhaps it’s making a floral arrangement of the roses from my garden. Perhaps it’s snuggling with my child. Perhaps it’s dumping my kids on my husband and settling down with a good book and a cup of tea. Usually the more hokey it sounds, the better. Even if the rest of the world is falling apart and I feel awful, I concentrate on these moments where my life is like a storybook. Self pampering works really well here.

And then I practice gratitude. I really make myself feel thankful for the moment of peace.

And that my friends… is how I bring about peace in chaos! No magic bullet… it’s really quite simple. Just harder to put into practice then it sounds.

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