I am volunteering for my daughter’s geology field trip. This morning, the teacher sent out a note that we are going to be changing from one site to another. And instead of digging up crystals, we would dig Amber. And she noted that this would involve a one way hike of a mile up in the mountains.

My reaction was immediate when I read that. Oh My God — a mile hike? Are they *crazy*??? My pulse sped up. I felt anxiety wash over me. My mind immediately reached for possible accommodations – and I actually thought about ways to get out of this. I felt anger too, that I had allowed myself to get into this situation where I was going to be put in a place where I wasn’t going to be able to succeed.

When I was fat, this was my norm. And it is still my normal reaction. How do I change years worth of conditioning? And now as normal sized person, I’d even say a fit person, I still have to fight my fight or flight response to unplanned exercise. It took a good ten seconds for me realize that I in fact RUN a mile nonstop and a WALK of a mile or two miles isn’t going to be hard for me. Not only can I do it… I can probably do it better then most of the other parents.

Still it’s shocking how I react and how much of my effort I waste in managing my reactions. I am looking forward to the day when I don’t have such a visceral reaction to hearing I have to exert myself.

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