I ran. Yay me. I’m not feeling motivated these days so getting my white lard butt out there to run twice a week makes me feel all accomplished. I’m psyching myself up for my triathlon commitment.

There are several things about my running that went through my mind today as I listened to the pound of my feet against the payment to Bon Jovi. The first is that a big part of my training needs to simply be resetting my pain threshold. Actually, a more descriptive way to say it is building my discomfort threshold. Where exactly am I supposed to be? The whole “being able to converse” thing is very wishy-washy to me. I can converse between gasps of breath but I don’t like it. Apparently some people do. So they must have a higher discomfort threshold right? So I am thinking I am going to set my goal based on heart rate. However, I think even that is a bit weird for me. My heart rate stays the same when I am going 14 minutes a mile or 13.45 minutes a mile. I tend to be most comfortable around 155 beats a minute.

The whole “not knowing” where I am supposed to be and if I am doing it right is discomfort in and of itself. Perhaps that is part of the training type A’s need?

The next thing I thought about was awareness. If I am always focused on how fast I’m going, how far I’m going or how I am doing it… I don’t much have to focus on how it feels do I? I do think there is some connection for me in living in the present in running. The thing that brings me back to the present over and over again is pain. I wonder if that is what I love about it. Is it the predictability of the discomfort? Knowing that as much as it bothers me, I am going to get through it? The rush of the feeling of accomplishment after it’s through?

Another thing I thought about is that I really do have to get some semblance of what pace is what and how it feels. Perhaps I need to start with walking. I need to know the difference of how it “feels” for a 20 minute mile pace and a 16 minute mile pace. I can’t expect to know the difference between 14 and 13:45 if I can’t tell the difference between a 20 versus 16 can I?

And the other thing I thought about is that I have not really had a plan for my running. I don’t think I have been very efficient. I’m not sure that has even been a goal for me, but it’s interesting that I have taken this on without a “set plan” or “goal”. I’m not sure if that is something I should be proud of or not. Allowing myself that flexibility, I believe, has kept me “going” as I have been able to balance burnout. But I don’t feel like I have made great progress. Perhaps again this is an awareness problem. About one year ago I started running and I couldn’t run 3 minutes without stopping. I’ve actually completed 4 miles without stopping. So why don’t I see that as progress? I know why… because in my head, I’m completely focused on speed. Which is so ridiculous for a new runner to do…. Yet I can’t seem to get my mind out of it.

Ok… Im off to Costco. I need a dinner plan tonight. I need more apples.

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