I’m not in the mood to train anymore. I have absolutely no desire to exercise, let alone train right now. I think part of it is that I am trying to get my life all “lined up” for the new job. Part of it is simply I have been going at such an incredible pace that I am just ready to not have to go at a hard pace, and part of it might be that I am anemic again. At least if it’s the last reason, I can go get a couple infusions and life will be good again. I have some doctor appointments lined up to check. I don’t feel super bad, so I’m not sure that is it. I am getting over a virus and I did get switched to generic Ambian. So maybe it’s one of those things too.

I did a 22 mile bike ride on Monday. I didn’t think I went particularly fast but amazingly when I got home and downloaded my results, my speed was ½ mph faster without more effort. So that is progress.

You would think I would be falling all over myself wanting to train because I can now see how different my body is. My body has dramatically changed. It has to be dramatic to other people because those same people are asking me if I lost weight. Let me note here for the record though, that I have still stayed in the same 20 -22 lb loss range. My bodyfat has dropped significantly though. So I guess I’ve had fat loss, not weight loss? Normal people would be super motivated by the whole “change in your body” thing. Me? Not so much. Maybe it’s I can’t see it very well when I look in the mirror. Maybe it’s just I don’t care so much. Maybe I simply place so much more value on what is on the inside instead of what is on the outside. Maybe someday I’ll be a size 4. Ha ha ha. Just checking to see if you are paying attention.

I figure I am never really going to get a handle on this whole body dysmorphic disorder thing if I don’t get to the point where I can not only recognize, but also appreciate subtle changes in my weight. If I say I don’t recognize it then I never have to be accountable and do anything about it right?

Oh wait… how did this get back to weight? I was talking about lack of motivation. Lack of motivation despite of the fact I should be incredibly motivated. I’m a freak I guess.

Anyway…. Here I am. Hoping to simply be able to exercise enough to keep holding my own. I’m fine now with just finishing the race. Really I am.

Remind me of that will ya?

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