For the past 48 hours I have had pain in my foot. I wrenched it when I was working in the back yard. Last night the pain was bad, and of course with my race coming up, I am a nervous wreck. At 5am I’m laying in bed thinking “Should I get this looked at?” Part of me just didn’t want to hear what they had to say. The other part of me hoped for something that could be fixed with a steroid shot or something.

Long story short… I spent my morning in the ER. I have a stress fracture to the sesmoid bone. (bone under the ball of the foot). I’ve been tapering so the irony that I would have this injury during my rest time is not lost on me.

When the doctor told me, I started sobbing. I know this isn’t life or death, cancer, family member dying… but I have worked so hard to do this Tri. I am devastated. I feel like I had all the joy sucked out me — the dementors have visited this Muggle!

I started training in February and barring a few bouts with flu and exhaustion, I have completely stuck with it. My training plan was safe and measured. I have sacrificed time with my family to train, I have given up desserts, I have completely immersed myself in the multisport lifestyle. If there was a medal for commitment, I surely would have won it. I’ve put in on average I’d say a good 8 hours a week or more to this endeavor. And I have worn the “no injury” badge of pride. I did it. I went from couch potato to triathlete with no injuries. Till now.
To see it slip away now just takes my breath away.

Believe it or not, I am hoping I can still participate. I know I can swim - no problem there. I am fairly sure if I continue to ice it and elevate it… that I can handle the bike. And I am thinking I will just walk. I just need to give up the dream of “doing my best” and switch to “finishing”. It’s so hard for me though because the “run” is where I really wanted to prove myself. And prove to myself — that I could do it.

Part of me thinks Im an idiot for even considering participation. I’m mostly worried about secondary injury at this point. How my “gait” will throw everything else off… a fall… etc. I am still processing my grief and just remaining open to possibilities right now. I might decide not to do it. I don’t know. I have a history of simply not taking on things I can’t do well. To make the call to “uncommit” at this late stage is just unheard of in the Kym book of life.
I am tortured by this whole thing. I’ve been in tears all morning. It’s so unfair. I have done everything right… It’s hard to give up the dream of what you expected.

I did have pain on my last run but it got better after a couple of days. Then the other day I was walking on the new dirt in my back yard carrying a brick. Doctor thinks that I “aggravated it” in the soft dirt and the fracture pulled apart more and that’s why I have pain.
He didn’t tell me I couldn’t race and went so far as to explain to me how to wrap it if i did. But he told me I am done running for 3 months afterwards - at least. This bone is surrounded by tendons so it won’t shatter…. I simply will be in a lot of pain afterwards if I choose to run. (errr. walk… because i dont think I’ll be running).

Even if I race… I have grief giving up the whole process of knowing how my body can serve me. This race has always been though more about my mental endurance. God has shown me over and over again that it’s not the body that is important… its my mind. Perhaps he’s just trying to drive the lesson home now.. Somehow, I will learn something from this. But right now, the grief is simply too overbearing to try to find meaning.
I know this is just ‘a race’ in my new life of fitness, I need to take a longer more grown up view that this is just not that important in the scheme of my whole life. But right now, it feels pretty horrible.

I don’t know what I am going to do yet. I’m going to wait to make a decision till tomorrow night.

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