Does anyone really sleep before these races on even a GOOD day? I awoke this morning at 2:30 am, and then at 3am and then at 3:15 to thunder and lighting. My heart sank. What kind of bad race juju was this?

I was picked up my dear friend who drove me to the race with several of our friends. Everything is a blur in my mind. I think I was sort of in a state of shock.

We got there at 5:45 and a front started to move in. I could see the orange of the sunrise in the haze against the rolling black clouds as the wind whipped my hair. I looked out across the Lake and saw whitecaps and lightening.

Gulp.

All these little things were playing games with my head. All these little what ifs started rolling around in there. These were just more unplanned contingencies that I needed to have a plan for in the next hour.

I set up my transition area and headed to the water. I watched the Elites take off and with the sound of their count down; my anxiety ramped up to about 10. The race had started. My stomach started churning. I ran for the port a potty. There was a line. This was not good! Luckily I made it just in time. I was worried that the spasms would continue… but I was hopeful my body emptied out. I was an emotional wreck.

I got confused on the time and got pushed into the wrong wave (they had light blue caps too!)… and the officials corrected me. What happened was that the race was delayed because they were still waiting for I90 to be closed - so this other light blue wave was starting at my time — but my wave was later. Who knew? Honestly, they could put me in a line for a shuttle to the moon and I don’t think I would have known. I was like a zombie on a conveyor belt. I don’t think my feet were even working.

Finally it was my turn. We were herded into a chute that got narrower and narrower. My friend thinks it is much like holocaust victims were herded waiting for the gas chamber. Then Sally Edwards gives a rousing little speech. Our word was sexy and I thought that was a stupid word. I wanted something more inspirational then that. I chastised myself the first of many times that morning for having a grumpy attitude. I spent the time dunking in the water. The heat wave we have had for days really helped the water temp! Yay! I was middle of the pack. I put my goggles on and waited for the start. I was ready. I heard the count down. I gulped. And we were off.

I waded into my waist, dove in and then started stroking. It was sort of like being in a blender. Arms, hands, and feet everywhere. I cursed the people doing the breast stroke with those wide frog kicks. Damn them. Halfway to the first buoy it hit me… I am doing a Triathlon! Eeeek! Panic hit me in a big wave and just washed over me. As it crested and broke — I felt breathy… nervous and had a moment where I stopped swimming. Can I breathe? I’m not sure. I slowed myself down… breast stroked…and then went back to free style. I focused on my form and as I took my breath looking up at my elbow and the sky – I saw a break in the clouds with blue sky behind the grey. And somehow that comforted me. I will be ok. There will be blue skies again. Keep swimming.

The distance between the 1st buoy and 2nd buoy felt like a freaking mile. But I stayed in a straight line and did very well sighting. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. I was like Dory from Nemo in my head. Stretch your arms, keep your head down, long strokes. Good Lord where is that ****ing buoy? I can’t see it. I pass two swim angels. There is a lifeguard on my right. And I pass a girl on her back crying doing the backstroke. The angels are helping her. I tell her she looks good and she can do it. She mumbled something – but was really too upset and inconsolable at that point to respond well. I wish her luck and push onward. Halfway though… I got these Charlie horse leg cramps… mostly in my calf but also in the arch of my foot. I assume it was from the diarrhea earlier. I shook it out… keep feeling twinges when I pointed my toes. And I just pushed through it. But I worried continually the rest of the morning at every turn that I was going to cramp up.

Around the second buoy to the shore was really crowded. Being a midpack person in the swim is not really a good thing. You stay with the pack and it never really “opens up”. I got hit in the head, kicked and pushed. But overall… I’d go through that swim three times instead of having to do the run

Out of the water and up the hill towards the transition area. I saw my family. Kissed each of my kids as they cheered me on. Im really grateful my kids were there. Kept a slow jog up to the back 40 where my bike was set up.. I could feel the calf spasms again and took it to a walk. Honestly - I don’t think my bike could have been farther from the swim. I didn’t push to be very fast in transition. My friend was there each time to chat with me. It was great to have someone calm and stable there because I wasn’t thinking clearly at all. I used it as a time to catch my breath a bit. I ate two bites of a banana in hopes of stopping the cramps… that proved to not be too smart. It made me feel very very nauseated.

On my bike… I did really well the first two miles. Then I sort of realized I was really tired already. I assume what happened is that I just didn’t realize how much the anxiety was going to sap from me energy wise. Maybe I was dehydrated from being out in the sun the day before and then having diarrhea. I don’t know. Assuming I needed a “pep up” and recognizing I was uncomfy – I reached for some food to try to make it better. I put one of those Sport Beans into my mouth and realized I felt so nauseated I had to spit it out. I couldn’t drink my Gatorade either. The sugar taste just made my stomach churn. I knew I was not in a good place.

Got to a very steep single file hill that 50% of the people walk up. Its very very short… but very very steep and very dangerous. If you ride up it (I think I could) and someone stops in front of you and you are clipped in.. There is no way to around them. The risk of toppling over is high. Most bike accidents happen here. So I just walked it up. If it had been less congested when I got there — I might have tried it….

Got on the bridge and flew down hill. Then hit the uphill. The uphill was harder than I expected. I was in my lowest gear by the top just spinning. Went into the tunnel which was more uphill. Then a very slight downhill and more slight gradual uphill for about 2 miles. I thought those two miles would never end. This was the hardest part of the bike for me. Those were the two miles I was cursing the bike ride and racing in general.

Got to the turn around and saw I was making fairly good time considering the ride out is uphill. So I really poured it on going downhill. This is where all my weight is a good thing! God… it was so much fun. Everything thinks downhill would be easy and it is.. but it’s a little scary. I have myself clocked at one point at 30mph!

I went into the tunnel and when I went in it was cloudy. Several minutes later I came out of the tunnel and the sun was shining BRIGHTLY. Nooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!! I started to get teary there to be honest. I prayed to God… “please please please bring the clouds back! Do not make me have to run in this direct sunlight”. I could feel the humidity climbing. I could feel the sun. All these thoughts freaked me out more about that impending run.

I paused for a moment on the bridge while coasting downhill to mentally to feel good about what I am doing. I thought to myself … you are more than half over and you are a tri-athlete. And my mind answered: Savor the experience girlfriend because you won’t be doing this again. lol

Up the hill. I get to the top after a nice chat with a lady next to me who like me was curing the headwind blowing against us up the hill. When did that come up? And we see a HUGE HUGE backup onto the Steep Hill. They are making EVERYONE walk their bikes down. I spent at least 3 minutes in that walk. The lady in front of me fell over waiting in line and was bleeding. The “young tri athletes” behind me were irritated she wasn’t going down the hill faster. I was tired and hot and after the 3rd time of them loudly complaining – I turned around and said “The lady in front of me is bleeding and was in a crash… can you chill out?” They shut up.

Towards the bottom of the steep hill at almost the bottom I got on my bike. But at the same time my clippy shoes which are metal on the bottom slipped. I was holding onto the brakes and I hit the front brake as my body skidded forward. The weight of my body and the brake action caused my back tire to flip forward. I caught myself…but lost my bottle as it skidded away and it’s amazing I didn’t land on my head. I was so ready to be done with this race.

Did the last three miles at a nice clip around only 15 mph. I was already focused on the run. I felt tired. I felt nauseated. I knew I wasn’t hydrated. The sun was out. And I was freaking out. Because of the almost falling… I was feeling poorly. That and I was tired.

Did I mention I was tired?

If there was any way to have gotten out of that stupid run… I would have. I mentally checked out of that thing many weeks ago. I realize now that I should have trained my mind better to deal with the hell called the run. I have focused more on the bike and the swim… having the epiphany several months ago that I was never going to be a runner. I just .. no matter how much effort — seem to be able to make headway. And I made peace with the fact that I am ok with being a crap runner.

So… I get through the transition area…see my wonderful kids cheering me on and push through the brick legs. They weren’t as bad as I expected. Probably because I was so leisurely in the transition area.

I heard in my head “run kym run” from Forest Gump. It’s amazing the movie references that went through my head.

Then, as I weaved around a woman… my foot hit weird. It was the foot I broke last year and I felt a stab of pain. That was it. I was mentally un able to negotiate one more thing. The woman I was weaving around was walking and I joined her with a slow limp. This little thing brought me down. And honestly – it didn’t take much. I think on any other day – I would have pushed through it. I knew it wasn’t’ a fracture — but some sort of strain or inflammation. A normal day I would have pushed through. But I didn’t today. I started walking.

I walked almost the whole way. I did a couple jogging stints… but in truth… the whole first two miles were mostly me stewing about giving up the run. About at mile 1.5 into the run/walk – I was finally able to start swallowing some water. That helped me to feel a little better.

I ran to the hill and ran about 1/3 up it and then realized that the hill was making my foot hurt more. So I walked to the top. I then jogged from the soft hill into the chute.

I was grateful for the people cheering on the side of the road. I think I looked pretty beat and their “you go girl!” were very helpful to motivate me. Everything in my mind and body was telling me to stop. My foot really was hurting at this point… but I knew that I was at the end.

Each foot fall was “you can do it. just a little further. just a little longer. suck up the pain”.

And then…

Thank. You. God. The. End. Of. This. Race.

I saw my husband and kids… and then my friend. She ran into the chute with me. She had already gone through the finish line. When she hugged me… I started crying. I hate being emotional but I pretty much sobbed the last 100 feet. I was wearing sunglasses so hopefully I won’t be a mess in the pictures. Honestly… I don’t care. All I cared about was it was over. All that anxiety finally released. I was so glad it was over.

Through the exhaustion and disappointment of having to walk.. it’s hard to not focus on the negative things… the things I would do differently if I were ever insane enough to try this again. The hard part for me is knowing I worked really hard and there have been many days I have worked out for 150 minutes or run 4 miles without stopping. But today was not one of those days. My level of effort – and I trained so hard – gave me mediocre results. And dealing with that disappointment is just part of being an athlete that competes in any kind of sport. There are good days and there are bad days. I did the best I could. I know I did my best for today.

I am glad I did it. It was an incredible experience. It pushed me outside my comfort zone. Now that I have visited outside my comfort zone.. I feel quite certain at this point that I will not visit that same place again. For me it really is not the fact that I did this two hour race today. The real miracle is all that training and the commitment I have made to my good health. That is what I feel REALLY good about.

I did it. I am forty years old and did a triathlon.

Swim: 1/2 mile at 21:24
Bike: 12 miles at 48 mins (14.9mph avg)
Run: 3.1 miles at 49:44 at a 16:02 pace
2 years of sticking with training and being committed: Priceless!

Im smiling below because Im thinking “Im at the finish! Yay! It’s over!”
running-in-tri.jpg

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