Extraordinary Mundane

Happy Gotcha Weekend late We celebrated a little later this year since we’ve been so busy. Took the kids to the Melting Pot where everyone enjoyed boiling overpriced food. Of course the highlight was the dessert. Chocolate Fondue. YUM! And then today we went and painted stuff at one of those Paint Your Own then they fire it for you. Below is a pic the waiter took for us. Not bad.

Also went on a date with hubby and saw Premonition. Uh. Take this statement as a premonition: Skip it!

Today is the day we celebrate being a family. Today is the day we celebrate Dinara and Noah joining our family. We traveled half-way around the world to find the children God meant to be part of our family. Today is a great day!

We went to a Kazakh party today with other Kazakh International Adoption Families. Lots of fun. We were going to celebrate with a family day out like we usually do, but we were all sorta whipped this weekend. So we are planning on going to the Melting Pot and out to do some ceremic painting to commemorate the six year milestone next weekend.

I’ll post some pictures here after I get them processed.

Enjoy the last few hours of the weekend!

This morning as we were finishing up a leisurely breakfast, my children and I were talking about earning money for toys. A close friend of ours, who happens to be quite wealthy, doesn’t make her kids earn money. When “Lisa” wants to buy a birthday gift for her sister Isabel, the parents simply give Lisa whatever she needs. Case in point, Lisa was getting Isabel a PSP for her birthday courtesy of Mom’s credit card.

My kids immediately expressed how cool this was and how wouldn’t it be great to be adopted by Lisa’s family where they could get really cool gifts and money flowed easily without effort.

When my children expressed they would love to be adopted by Lisa’s family, I immediately commented on that there was no adoption plan for them to become another part of that family. That I could never let them go. I would be sad. I loved them too much to let them join another family.

As soon as I said those words… I wished I could just reach out there and pull them back.

In our home, adoption is always talked about with joy. Honestly, adoption rates up there as one of the best decisions of our lives and we believe it was the perfect path for us to build our family. It was “meant to be” and we use words like “joy, complete, enriching and happiness” to describe it. When we talk about our children building their families as adults, we talk about both adoption and biological means to build family. That is the perspective my children hear about.

We talk about their adoption stories but I will admit we focus on how happy we were. How this was meant to be. How God brought them into our lives. How we flew half way around the world to get them and how we all lived happily ever after.

In this moment… in the moment where I was explaining how much I loved them and how I could never give them up to someone else… I saw a moment flash across my daughter’s face. A moment where she realized, someone else gave her up. A mommy. And adoption became a little less about joy and for that moment more about loss.

I don’t think my daughter stopped and really thought about this realization she had. She didn’t talk about it, and she immediately moved on to something else. But I saw it. I’m sad that I experienced this loss of purity and innocence.

And I know the questions will come.

The other day Dinara was reading a book to me. This and of itself is nothing short of amazing. She has had tremendous problems with phenome blending and remembering her sounds. She was doing pretty well. I’ve written about the difficulties Dinara faces in previous posts. At least she understood that she was supposed to sound out the words. She remembered most of the sounds. I’ll take that! And I’m impressed with her drive to keep trying. Thank God she is very motivated.

But Noah started playing with his Geotrax in the other room. The train was making a soft sound and blowing the whistle. Dinara immediately found it impossible to read. I thought it was pretty articulate that she told me “When I hear Noah’s trains, it makes me forget my words!”

It’s yet another clue to what I am sure is her CAPD. Frustrating to me that we can’t get the formal diagnosis till her 7th birthday. But I am beginning to think more and more that it really doesn’t matter. Having someone spell out the obvious really isn’t going to make a difference because mainstream medicine doesn’t have a solution for the problem. The reasons she has CAPD can all be tied back to the fact that she spent the first 2 1/2 years of her life in an orphanage in Central Asia. There’s a price she is paying for that… All that stuff you hear about stimulating your baby in the first three years? Yeah… that’s important.

The question is, can we play catch up now.

At my adoption group meeting last Friday, several parents with post institutionalized kids were talking about the Tomatis Method. This is a daily therapy where they train the ears to tune out “bone conduction sounds”. Babies hear that way. It’s a very immature way to hear. Because post institutionalized children are not held and talked to, they don’t develop the connections to ‘tune out” the bone conduction sounds”. They hear everything and it’s like sensory overload. Makes learning difficult. They have never had the vestibular stimulation that is needed to help make new connections. This therapy works on helping to teach kids to be good listeners and to focus. A key for many learning disabilities, including ADHD and Autism. I highly recommend reading through the website for all the other parents out there who have special needs kids. Good learning if nothing else.

The therapy is expensive. And the commitment to it is several hours a day with a trek into Seattle. But we are considering it. Several kids from our adoption group have done it or are partially through it and the results have been dramatic. How can we not give it a try? The question will be when can we do it. The first session is a daily commitment for three weeks straight. We don’t have many weeks during the summer to do it. Perhaps it will wait till after school starts. Either way, I’m looking at probably needing to hire some childcare or lugging all my kids into Seattle.

One of the kids in our adoption group was not able to do a computer program with sounds. It’s a program that is used specifically for kids with CAPD. Within a week after starting this program, he now can get to the second level. This is incredible. His behavior has improved greatly. He has more impulse control. His parents are thrilled.

Seems unusual since the therapy is mostly just wearing earphones and doing some activities for the first 3 week session. Every parent I spoke to that did it (one even took out a home equity loan to do it) said that they would now pay DOUBLE to do the therapy again because it made that dramatic a difference.

I hear about so many “alternative” treatments here in Seattle… but this is one that seems to really be one that makes a difference. A difference that can actually be measured and quantified.

I don’t have any medical history information on my kids. For a control freak, dealing with the lack of information and history in international adoption can be difficult. I just want to know do we need to worry about breast cancer? Are there other acute illnesses we should be on the look out for? This article got me thinking about it. The tests are about $400. Sounds like money well spent to me. It’s like having a little bit of additional insurance.

What about you other adoptive parents? Is this something you would “consider”? What are your thoughts on it?

Pictures are worth a thousand words right? Click thumbs to embiggen!

Today we are celebrating our “Forever Family Day”. It’s our 4th anniversary of Dinara and Noah’s Gotcha Day.

On March 11th (or the closest weekend) we take a day to have fun together and celebrate the fact we are family. Today we are on our way to a Family Fun Center and then out to eat. 4 years ago today a judge in Kazakhstan recognized that Dinara and Noah were meant to be part of our family. In so many ways it seems like yesterday.

If you are interested in reading about our emotional and original Gotcha Day, you can read about it here. The excerpt is from my online journal at the time.

I’ll post some pictures later.

A friend of mine is in the midst of adopting and wrote me about some negative comments made by a family member who was adopted as a child. The comments were hurtful and struck a nerve. A nerve in a good way, in that it raises up the momma tiger in you and cements that this is the right decision, but bad in that it makes you look at things from uncomfortable perspectives.

The way adoption was viewed 50 years ago, is way different then it is now. But it hurt my heart to think that even today; there are people out there who are “anti-adoption” as a way to build a family.

As I am very active in the international adoption community, I thought I would put my response (slightly edited) out there. The main question is: do you have a stronger connection with your bio kids verus your adopted kids? Here is my letter:

I’m so sorry for the negativity you have to deal with right now.You know, obviously your aunt is very wounded. Obviously, there were things that happened to her that made her feel this way. Obviously, her parents didn’t protect her and shield her from this type of lunacy. And somehow, her parents didn’t communicate that their children were loved equally. It does not mean it will be that way for you!!! You are a wise, warm and loving person. You are educated. You are a good mom. This woman’s experience doesn’t define your experience. If anything you can learn from it. It’s good it makes you question… cause you grow from that right?

Do you feel more connected to your child that has the same color eyes or hair as you do? Do you feel more connected to one that birthed vaginally versus caesarean? It’s the same for me with bio versus adopted. The method of delivery makes absolutely no difference in the depth of my love.

This is the continuation of my travel journal of our adoption of Dinara and Noah from Kazakhstan in 2001. Dinara was 2 1/2 and Noah was 7 months. If you are new to my blog, please check the JULY ARCHIVES and start reading with post titled *Detained in Moscow. Posts that start with an * are adoption journal posts. I hope you enjoy the story. I’ll be striving to share a bit of the story each day.

When our driver picked us up, our translator was already waiting for us in his car. All ready to go get passport pictures. We got to the babyhouse at 10 and it was decided that a caretaker would go with us instead of Janara our translator. I think they also thought that if a caretaker went with us, there was less chance of a Dinara freak out. They were right.We plied her with pa-chen-ya’s (cookies) before we left and we were off.

She was terrified. She was in her quiet but withdrawn state. This is how she is whenever there is something new. She literally can’t eat or react. She’s just frozen. Catatonic. She guarded those two cookies though!

Noah was a little trooper. They had put him in the light blue snowsuit I bought him, but when I picked him up, they put him in ANOTHER snowsuit over it… because mine wasn’t considered warm enough I guess. The caretakers hugged themselves and did the Brrrrr noise… and handed me a big stay puff marshmallow man snow suit. Poor little guy. I knew he had to be sweating up a storm. Just to put this into perspective they had on him a onsie, an outfit from the orphanage, the OshKosh outfit I brought him, the snowsuit, a hat, the hood from the snowsuit I bought him, and then a snowsuit with a hood of theirs!! It’s a cultural thing. *sigh*

We got to the passport picture place and low and behold Dinara started to cry a little bit. Then Noah started to cry. Wouldn’t it figure the first time Noah is going to cry is right before a picture? I can now assure everyone that my son does have a good set of lungs on him. He can really make his protests known! We got the kids quieted down and got their pictures made.

Dinara is wearing the traditional BIG Russian bow in her hair. (Purple) complete with the now well known Dinara pout. Noah’s pictures are just normal Noah… the ever happy go lucky boy.

When we got back to the orphanage we went to the music room. Dinara was HAPPY to be back and only “whimpered” a few minutes when the caretaker left. We started feeding both of them fruit. Dinara was comfy and coming around to her happy self. She was all of a sudden much more interested in her brother. The translator told her that this was her “Enya” (kazakh for brother) and she had a little smile. She didn’t like him touching her shoes though.

Later on in the visit, when Noah was crawling by, she reached out and touched him and smiled. We also put Noah on her lap. She wasn’t quite sure what to do but she did give us a quick grin. The whole morning was wonderful. Dinara was as happy playing and joking with us as she has been when Timur is there. It was a wonderful morning visit. Daddy especially liked it when Dinara lay down in his arms like a baby and played games with his glasses and face. Gave him lots of smiles and cuddles.

I went to take Noah to the Baby room. The caretaker was there. She saw I had the camera. Then she motioned that I could take a picture as she put him down to sleep. This is a BIG deal in the babyhouse. No one except the caregivers gets to go into the sleeping room. I was so honored. Then she took Noah out of the crib and the other caretaker was back from her walk with two children so I took her picture. Usually there is a third caretaker, I don’t know where she was at… I’m taking the camera back this afternoon so I can take more pictures.

Then I went and took Dinara back to Groupa. I took pictures with her caregivers too. Again, they liked getting their picture taken. It was so funny… her favorite caretaker was trying to get her to put her arms around her neck and give her a kiss. Dinara, showing her usual stubbornness, would have nothing of it! We all had a good laugh that Dinara shows no favorites with her strong will. Everyone gets to enjoy it!It was a great morning. It’s very obvious that Dinara is feeling much more comfortable with us and is really only crying for her caregivers now out of preference, vs. fright.

We love these happy visits when we get to see her true delightful personality.

I thought I’d share one of my favorite adoption poems.

The Legacy of an Adopted Child
Author: Unknown

Once there were two women
Who never knew each other
One you do not remember
The other you call mother.

Two different lives
Shaped to make yours one
One became your guiding star
The other became your sun.

The first gave you life
And the second taught you how to live it
The first gave you a need for love
And the second was there to give it.

One gave you a nationality
The other gave you a name
One gave you the seed of a talent
The other gave you an aim.

One gave you emotions
The other calmed your fears
One saw you first sweet smile
The other dried your tears.

One gave you up -
it was all that she could do
The other prayed for a child
And God led her straight to you.

And now you ask me
through your tears
The age old question
through the years

Heredity or environment -
which are you the product of?
Neither my darling, neither
Just two different kinds of love.

This is the continuation of my travel journal of our adoption of Dinara and Noah from Kazakhstan in 2001. Dinara was 2 1/2 and Noah was 7 months. If you are new to my blog, please check the JULY ARCHIVES and start reading with post titled *Detained in Moscow. Posts that start with an * are adoption journal posts. I hope you enjoy the story. I’ll be striving to share a bit of the story each day.

Noah had on a new “outside” outfit today. The put the babies in THREE outfits to keep them warm. On top of the baby house being heated to 85 degrees. The kids sweat. But it’s the culture here. Anyway — he looked quite cute in his new outfit. He was again a very happy baby. We gave him more bananas which he really seems to enjoy. He spent the morning crawling around exploring the room. He loves to seek out new things. He’s fun to watch.

Dinara spent the first half of our visit crying. Juice wouldn’t do it today, nor would fruit. At about 11:45 her caretaker came to the door and made spoon to mouth motions. We thought she was telling us to try giving her fruit. We shook our head no that she didn’t want it. She left and Dinara screamed. Finally, we tried chocolate. This calmed Dinara down and then she started eating fruit. It was pretty amazing to us that she calmed down so quickly after seeing her caretaker.

Today we did a lot of video tape… even of Dinara crying. This should make for interesting watching with our grandchildren one day.

We are going up to the mountains this afternoon…. We just stopped into the apartment to grab a quick lunch of… yep… you guessed it.. PASTA ! Passed up again the opportunity to eat HORSE! *grin*

Afternoon visit

Today, Timur came to play with us for the afternoon visit. The visits are always so much fun when he comes. Dinara plays, doesn’t cry… jokes around. It’s the only time we get to see her true personality. She’s really delightful. We can tell she is more comfortable with us by the way she is eating. Two fisted… and very fast. We have to tell her “Bolda” (that’s enough) and regulate how many pieces of fruit she can shove in her mouth.

Today, she was sitting on Daddy’s lap (she’s becoming quite the daddy’s girl!) and was eating a cookie. (Pa-chen-ya) Dinara got the last one and Timur was not a happy little boy. Timur said he wanted “Choc-o-lat”. So daddy started getting it out. As soon as Dinara realized that chocolate was coming…she shoved the whole cookie in her mouth and held out her hand. She has learned at the orphanage that if there is candy or cookies.. you better have free hands.

If Timur wasn’t waiting for his forever family already to come get him, we’d adopt him. He is just the sweetest little boy. I am very attached to him. I can’t wait to talk to his mom and tell her what a sweet little boy she has waiting for her in Kazakhstan. The orphanage workers put Dinara in the clothes that she was going to wear tomorrow for pictures. I guess they didn’t understand the word tomorrow.

We go get the kids passport pics tomorrow.I gave the caretakers journals for each of the kids today. I had a friend at work who speaks Russian translate directions I had written asking them to write their well wishes, anything about their time at the orphanage, their culture, etc. I think this went over very well. Noahs caretaker got a big smile when she started reading this in Russian. I can’t wiat to see what they write.We went up to the mountains today and visited some Kazakh monuments, including their WWII tomb of the Unknown Soldier.

This is the continuation of my travel journal of our adoption of Dinara and Noah from Kazakhstan in 2001. Dinara was 2 1/2 and Noah was 7 months. If you are new to my blog, please check the JULY ARCHIVES and start reading with post titled *Detained in Moscow. Posts that start with an * are adoption journal posts. I hope you enjoy the story. I’ll be striving to share a bit of the story each day.

The morning with Dinara was really really really tough. She cried for 50 minutes. About the time we got her quieted down, it was time to go back to Groupa. She really “brightens” when we say it’s time to go bye bye. She really does love her groupa and her caregivers. Today, we taped her crying. We want to show her this tape when she is 16 to show her how committed we were to her. She will always hug and kiss us now at the end of the session. No matter how bad it is, she always gives us some love.

Noah was happy today. John is mashing up banana and giving it to him. He loves it. He also really loves his pacifier. Noah loves it when you hold his arms up and stand him up. He gets so proud of himself and looks at everyone as if to say “are you all seeing what a big boy I am?”

The afternoon visit with Dinara went really well. Lucky day seven perhaps? After about 45 minutes she began to play. (No kids, just playing with us!!!) I bought a “pound the ball” toy and she liked to do it. It didn’t take her very long to figure out how to use the hammer after Daddy showed her. She also could match up the colors pretty well.

A funny thing happened today. Dinara was taking the rings off the ball toy and had put 3 of the 4 rings back on. She then put the fourth ring on the third ring and looked up at me. I shook my head no….and she gave a little laugh then put it in the right place. She was sort of testing me and showed she had a great sense of humor. It’s moments like this that help me to know that everything is going to be ok.

Dinara also matched up the rings to the right color balls too. She would only do it when “she” wanted to do it though. She likes to be in control and be in the power seat. Sounds like her mommy hmm? The translator told us today that all the caretakers talk about how much Dinara looks like me. I don’t think there is that much of a resemblance… but it’s a big compliment. Because I think she’s so cute.

John and I went and bought souvenirs today. We bought 4 paintings. Very pretty. Nice for us to hand down to the kids someday. Something from their birth country.

This is the continuation of my travel journal of our adoption of Dinara and Noah from Kazakhstan in 2001. Dinara was 2 1/2 and Noah was 7 months. If you are new to my blog, please check the JULY ARCHIVES and start reading with post titled *Detained in Moscow. Posts that start with an * are adoption journal posts. I hope you enjoy the story. I’ll be striving to share a bit of the story each day.

March 7th—Very early morning

This post isn’t going to be about anything specific… It’s just early morning and I can’t sleep… (I’m still not adjusted to the new time zone after a week!) I don’t remember if I put it in a previous post or not, but being Almaty is like being in the 1940’s—plus a few extra conveniences.

I’ve already mentioned then five flights of stairs. I can now say that I can make it to the top without stopping and I’m not huffing and puffing quite as hard. The apartment has a little 2 cup coffee maker and a washing machine that “swishes” the clothes around. It’s a front loader, and can handle about two pairs of jeans, two shirts and some underwear as a full load. Needless to say, we are always washing clothes! In our bathroom, there are hot water pipes that zigzag in an “S”style over the wall… so we drape our clothes over these pipes and they dry pretty quick. We also have a “camping style” clothes line we bought from the travel store that has been VERY helpful.

We boil water all the time too. I also buy a lot of bottled water at the store. When I was feeling sick, I just didn’t feel like taking chances. Of course, all store bought water has to be lugged up 5 flights of stairs, so that limits how much you buy at one time. We have been eating a lot of spaghetti. We have also eaten a lot of Tuna Fish. Well, at least two cans anyway. And of course we have been feasting on the wonderful breads here. They are just spectacular… and very cheap. Bread is about 30-40 cents a loaf. It’s a Kazakhstan staple. I’m craving protein, but not enough to partake of any mystery meat.

Being here has really shown a light on how good we have it in America. Life here is hard… we have it so easy! I remember reading on our adoption agency’s email list that someone said “bring books because you’ll be bored”. When did they have time to get bored I wonder? I haven’t cracked a book yet (And I brought a bunch!). Mornings are spent cleaning, showering, doing laundry, boiling water, etc. Afternoons are spent, shopping, site seeing, doing adoption related work, evenings are spent eating, cleaning then going to bed. In between all those times we are posting on our website, talking to family on the phone and of course… five hours a day visiting with the kids. When the heck did this other person have time to be bored?

The weather here has been gorgeous. Sunny, clear, almost springlike. I really like Almaty. I’d visit here again. We have found the people to be very friendly. I hope that one day we can bring the kids back. The sun is just coming up here. I can see the silhouette of the mountains outside of my apartment. There is no sunrise per se… more just a general “lightening” of the sky. It’s pretty. I like how quiet it is. (Except for John’s snoring). In just a few hours, I’ll get to see my children and begin day seven of visitation.

This is the continuation of my travel journal of our adoption of Dinara and Noah from Kazakhstan in 2001. Dinara was 2 1/2 and Noah was 7 months. If you are new to my blog, please check the JULY ARCHIVES and start reading with post titled *Detained in Moscow. Posts that start with an * are adoption journal posts. I hope you enjoy the story. I’ll be striving to share a bit of the story each day.

Ok so in my post yesterday, I forgot to mention when we drove up for our afternoon visit, there was a van with a large slaughtered animal in the back. We think it was a horse. It had huge ribs. They were “cutting it up” with an axe. It made quite an impression. We later learned that it was for the celebration today. What I thought was Kaz independence day. I t’s not.. it’s “woman’s day”. Like our Mother’s day. Lots of women walking around today with flowers.

We also went to two banks today to cash those travelers checks into US dollars. We learned there that there is a holiday until Sunday. That is why court is open on Sunday. They are working a “long week” so they can have the next few days off. The bank told us this. I am assuming it’s the Muslim holiday that my aunt Mary explained in her post.

It was a so so day with Dinara. We made some more progress today. Its just never going to be a scene from Little House on the Prairie, where she runs through a field of flowers yelling mamma and papa. In the morning, we took her new red shoes. She liked them. And I bought her barrettes with little flowers on them. She REALLY liked this. We’d get a smile when we’d say “A-dee-emma Dinara” (Beautiful Dinara)

She sat on my lap and cried today. This is progress…usually she doesn’t want to be with me at all. She finally quieted down a bit and we tried to transfer her to John and she wanted to stay with me. Mostly, she wants to stay with whoever she was with last. Change is avoided at all costs.

Our morning visit was shortened because we got to watch some of the “production” put on by the kids for the day’s celebration. Some of these kids are so cute!! If anyone out there is anyone thinking about adoption… (and isn’t scared to death after reading our trials and tribulations) there are some incredibly adorable kids here! John and I are both glad we are not approved for three kids. We’d come home with another for sure.

The big news with Noah is that he likes the MAM brand pacifier. He was quite taken with it. Sucking away at it. Poor guy is drooling up a storm… and he’s still very congested. In other Noah news…we snuck him some Banana. (They don’t want you to feed the babies here) He loved it. I wish they would let me feed him sometimes. He continues to amaze us with his smiles and laughs.

I am feeling better today. John and I decided to “experience a bit more of the culture” and splurged on some pastries. They are WONDERFUL here. The bread is the best bread I’ve ever had. It’s really a treat.

Our afternoon visit with Dinara was ok. She was very withdrawn but didn’t cry much. We mostly just held her and cuddled her. The only time we got much of a response was when the translator asked her if she wanted Mamma to put the barrettes in her hair. She did. She also ate a TON of fruit. We view this as a good sign. She ate Nectarine, Banana, and Orange. She ate so much we are worried she might get a tummy ache. We also went on a walk with her. She was very “anti-mommy” today… maybe leftover angst from this morning’s traumas? Anyway… its not bothering me much anymore. I am now positive that when we get her home, she will be fine. She has gone through incredible changes lately. She was moved from Baby House #2 six months ago, she was in isolation for a respitory infection several weeks ago and now us. This little girl has been through a lot.

I know that once she is home and has security and structure….everything will be fine.

This is the continuation of my travel journal of our adoption of Dinara and Noah from Kazakhstan in 2001. Dinara was 2 1/2 and Noah was 7 months. If you are new to my blog, please check the JULY ARCHIVES and start reading with post titled *Detained in Moscow. Posts that start with an * are adoption journal posts. I hope you enjoy the story. I’ll be striving to share a bit of the story each day.

Mornings are definitely harder on Dinara then the afternoons. Today the interpreter didn’t show up in the morning again. I don’t know why. I think tomorrow I’ll ask if this happens again. It’s obvious to us that part of the problem is that Dinara is frustrated by the language barrier. She can’t understand us and we can’t understand her.

The caretaker left us alone with Dinara. Dinara screamed for a long time, but John was able to walk around with her, sing to her and quiet her down. At least his presence became soothing for her. Or maybe she was just plumb tired out. She did not play at all… but even the fact that she was willing to sit with us quietly—albeit withdrawn, was progress. Or maybe I am just rationalizing it all.

Noah was a sleepy boy today. He almost went to sleep on the blanket on the floor. He sucks on this ring finger and middle finger to soothe himself. It’s very cute. His congestion was much better in the morning and he didn’t feel warm. I think they must have given him some medicine this morning.

The interpreter showed up for our afternoon visit. Dinara still cried, when the caretaker left, but quieted down. Being able to communicate is critical to being able to calm her down.

Today Jamal, a little girl who John loves — stayed with us while we played with Dinara. Dinara was more withdrawn then she was with Timur, but by the end she had lightened up a bit. Hard to read exactly what she’s feeling. She was sitting on John’s legs and he felt something warm. She had an accident. John got christened! I think it really shows how upset she gets. She just gets overwhelmed.

She sure likes oranges. When she has a choice between oranges, nectarines, bananas and apples… she picks oranges. Both little girls just loved them. We also found a cookie she likes… Bebe cookies. Taste like apple Nila wafers. (note to mom: Buy Nilla wafers!)

Dinara gave us both kisses on the lips today! It was very sweet and made our evening. She always lingers to give us hugs and kisses… John thinks it’s that she feels like she can finally enjoy us, because the pressure is off. We are leaving. She also let mommy walk her back to Groupa and gave me an extra hug and kiss in front of her favorite caretaker. She’s so sweet. I cling to these little moments that show how life will be when she’s adjusted.

Noah was super congested this afternoon. I felt so bad for him. He hates to have his nose wiped. Poor baby. Again… we still haven’t heard him cry. I hope he’s not saving it up for the plane ride. We also went to the store today and bought Dinara some new clothes and a pair of shoes. We’ll see if the shoes fit. It’s hard to buy shoes without the child present.

I was sick again today. Felt nauseous all day and had to take some Immodium. I don’t understand why I keep getting sick. I’m so careful. I just wish I would feel “normal”. We came back from our morning session and took a nap. That’s why there is only one post today. Our apartment is very comfortable. The bed does leave something to be desired however. Its has no boxspring, and has two cushions for the mattress. The cushions I equate to patio furniture cushions. It has flat sheets to cover it. I will be so happy to get back into my KING sized bed with percale sheets!

Court is on the 11th. Lets hope we can get out of here on Wednesday the 14th… that will be our only chance of making it home on the 16th. Otherwise, it’s the 19th for us. And we’ll have to spend extra days in Moscow.

Did I mention I’m ready to come home???

I got my haircut yesterday. It feels so much better. Really did a lot to help my mood. Amazing what a good haircut can do for a girl’s morale.

Anyway, I was talking to my hairdresser and we were talking about my kids. While relating a story, I mentioned that I was in Kazakhstan adopting my kids in 2001. She looked at me in shock and said “How come I didn’t know that?”. Uh. I dunno. I am pretty sure I had mentioned it before. Then she went on to ask me about it.

Now let me just state for the record that I love to talk about adoption. I am passionate about it and love to evangelize that it’s a wonderful way to build a family. But.. there are certain phrases and things people say that just ruffle my feathers. Sometimes, to the point I am speechless. I realize that many people don’t mean anything by the words they choose to describe adoption… but it still feels like fingernails against a chalkboard. And truthfully, I am unsure of a gracious way to handle it at times.

Here is a perfect example.

We were discussing birth order and she asked me: “Which child is your natural child”. There is nothing unnatural about any of my children. But instead of saying that snarky answer I just used the correct terminology. Emma is biologically related to me.

We were discussing that Dinara and Noah were adopted at the same time. She asked: Are they related? Uh. Yes they are related. One does not have to be flesh of the flesh and blood of the blood to be related. I mean you are related to your husband right? Does anyone question that? But I didn’t share that snarky answer either… I simply said that they are not biologically related.

As you can see, it rarely just stops with one question. Because unless one does get snarky, people just plow through asking lots of personal information. This next one is the real kicker though. The one that just really grates on me. “So Kym, do you know why the kids mom’s gave them away?” Correct term is “birth mom”. I am their mother. And hello… this is private information. It’s none of your business. Why would you think it was? It’s private information that I don’t discuss with strangers or even close friends. Secondly, they weren’t “given away”. The connotation of this is that they were unwanted, when in fact, we don’t know the answer to that. Most birthmoms in ideal situations would want to choose to parent their children. It’s not a matter of “not wanting”. The correct term would have been either “relinquished to the state or orphanage” or their parents made an adoption plan.

I answered this question by telling her “We don’t talk about the kids birth parent situations because we feel it’s private and their story to tell when and if they choose to share it”. There there was uncomfortable dead silence.

I try to not be confrontational about these issues because I don’t want people to feel that I am not willing to talk about it. But on the other hand, I also want my children to have positive adoption messages conveyed to them, versus them having to deal with the emotions that would come from the negative alternatives. We feel blessed that we choose to build our family via adoption. The words we use and allow others to use around our children say so much about our values. We want our children to know that adoption is a great way to build a family just as birth as a great way to build a family. One is not better then the other.

So if you have a minute to review… here are some examples of positive adoption language.

Positive language……………….Negative language

Birth Parent…………………..Real Parent, Natural Parent
Birth Child……………………Own Child
Born to unmarried parents……….Illegitimate
Termination of Parental Rights ….Give Up, Taken Away
Make an adoption plan…………..Give away, give up, put up
To Parent……………………..To keep
Child in need of a family……….Adoptable, available child
Parent………………………..Adoptive parent
International adoption…………Foreign Adoption
Child in need of adoption……….An unwanted child
Adoption Agreement……………..Surrender
Child with special needs………..Hard to place
Genetic/Birth relatives…………Blood relatives
Was adopted……………………Is adopted

This is the continuation of my travel journal of our adoption of Dinara and Noah from Kazakhstan in 2001. Dinara was 2 1/2 and Noah was 7 months. If you are new to my blog, please check the JULY ARCHIVES and start reading with post titled *Detained in Moscow. Posts that start with an * are adoption journal posts. I hope you enjoy the story. I’ll be striving to share a bit of the story each day.

Afternoon visit.

Well, we had a breakthrough. Dinara LOVES fruit. Could really care less about the candy and cookies - but likes banana a WHOLE lot. She also ate a few orange sections. We spent the afternoon with her, Timur, the interpreter and a caretaker. The caretaker left towards the end and Dinara was fine with us.

Interesting things happened today. Firstly, Dinara seemed to understand the patterns of the music toy we brought. She would turn two or three so all the shapes were the same. This is a pretty big concept. We thought before that she was too “delayed” to get it. But she’s not. She’s just learning. She also totally loved taking all the blocks off the toy then putting them back. She’s very into repetition. Another good sign. She also was very proud of her toys. The caretakers “changed shifts” and she was proudly showing off all her toys. The other thing that was so adorable (and we got on tape!) is that she would shake her head back and forth with a slight rock and tap her foot in time to the music. It is SOOOOO cute.

So the biggest breakthrough today was that Momma offered many times some cookies, etc. Finally right before I was leaving, I offered Timur some banana… which he gladly took. And he sat down on my lap. Dinara then came over of her own accord and took a piece of the banana and then sat down on my lap!

But wait…it gets better. She also kissed both John and I! Before, she would only “half heartedly” offer us her cheek for us to kiss her. But today, she kissed both of us.

It was a really good day. I don’t think this post adequately even catches all the little nuances that made it so great. I finally feel like this will all work and we will get through this and she will be happy with us. It’s been a rough couple of days.

Noah also amazed us today with his bubble blowing abilities. He has learn to do this sucking raspberry noise. It’s really cute. Daddy thinks its charming. He was a little bit fussy today. He never cried, but he whimpered a bit. He does not like getting his nose wiped! I can’t wait till we can get some antibiotic into him.

Hopefully tomorrow we will find out when our court date is — I miss Emma like crazy.

This is the continuation of my travel journal of our adoption of Dinara and Noah from Kazakhstan. Dinara was 2 1/2 and Noah was 7 months. If you are new to my blog, please check the JULY ARCHIVES and start reading with post titled *Detained in Moscow. Posts that start with an * are adoption journal posts. I hope you enjoy the story. I’ll be striving to share a bit of the story each day.

I needed to see my smiley man Noah after a hard morning with Dinara. I consider myself a “stoic” person, but even the most stoic would be worn down by the constant rejection of a stubborn two year old! Time with Noah was wonderful as always. We have yet to hear him cry. I’ve only a heard a slight whimper when we have wiped his sore nose.

When we walked into the Groupa room this afternoon, Dinara immediately started crying. We decided to go for a walk with the group around the building. This is always fun because they bundle the kids up like Eskimos and they all fight to hold our hands. Dinara of course, would rather swallow nails then hold our hand. She finally gave in after much coaxing and let “papa” hold her hand. We walked for a bit.. then they decided that we should get some time alone with Dinara. So they went the other way. Dinara through a full-blown temper tantrum. Complete with kicking, screaming and pinching. Lovely.

Our interpreter had shown up for the afternoon visit and we had a talk with her. We told her that we were parents of a very strong willed 3 year old, and could handle crying and tantrums…and that we would like to just let Dinara cry. No child ever died from a few tears. So I think the interpreter told the caretakers to just let us be.Dinara cried half way around the building. Full blown tantrum. Kicking and screaming. We offered Dinara chocolate… which she loves. Just to make her point, she wouldn’t take it. She just kept crying and not giving us any eye contact. So we just walked. When we “turned around” to go back, she stopped. The smart little girl realized that we were probably going back to her caretakers. Mommy held her for a little while too… and she came to me very easily. (She prefers papa!)

When we got to the place where her caretakers were when they left her with us, we turned around again. And again she started crying. This time though… she was getting tired and it didn’t last for very long. It gave us hope that once we have her alone in our apartment, we’ll be able to comfort her. She quieted down and seemed almost to go to sleep. She started whimpering again and the interpreter told her we were going to take her back into the baby house and this settled her down again.

Inside the baby house we went to the room where she sleeps. We gave her a dolly, which she seemed to like. We then played with the music block toy that plays Mozart. She likes this. Each time she presses a block, it plays part of “Night Music”. She doesn’t understand though that she can move the blocks around or turn them over to play different instruments.

The caretaker kept leaving the room, and Dinara would cry. Caretaker would come back and Dinara would be fine. We would get smiles… and an occasional laugh from her. She likes Legos! And she likes playing ball. At the end of the visit, they told her we were leaving and she smiled. I think these visits are as hard on her as they are on us! And she gave us hugs and kisses. She doesn’t understand “kissing” or how to give a kiss… but she will walk over to you and offer her cheek. I started kissing her playfully under her neck and she laughed and smiled. But you can tell she still a little scared.

In the evening we went to Mad Murphy’s with other parents who are adopting two children. I was too sick to eat. My stomach was upset.. I don’t know if it was all the emotion of all the trials with Dinara, or I ate something bad. I had a baked potato at the Ramstore… maybe something was wrong with the butter???

Dinara is a tough cookie– she’s going to fit in very well in our family!!! I know we’ll get through eventually. Keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

Today is a busy day for me as I have company from out of town (and have been up since 5am trying to find someone on the east coast to fix my house!) so I thought I’d post another adoption journal update. I’m posting this historically from my adoption journal in an effort to motivate me to get on the stick and stop being so intimidated starting my kids Lifebooks.

This is day three…. and if you wish to start at the beginning, check the July Archives for posts that start with an ” * “

Morning visit of day 3 - March 3rd

Music room was locked so we couldn’t get to Noah. The music room divides the baby house and there was no other way around. So we spent the morning with Dinara. It was a rough morning. Three steps forward yesterday, then two steps back today. It wasn’t as bad as the first day, but she did cry a lot. We can tell that she doesn’t have (RAD) Reactive Attachment Disorder, because she’s really attached to her caregivers and loves to be held and cuddled. But she is soooooo stubborn. Pushes toys away, pouts, cries. Today, when she cried, John didn’t let go of her. This made her even madder. John and I would just like to let her cry a bit…but the caregivers always “rush to her side”. To me, she has learned that if she cries, she gets to go with the caregivers. Of course I understand they want to comfort this child…but I want a chance to learn to comfort my child too. It’s stressful. We are under the watchful eye and it feels like we aren’t good enough because Dinara just isn’t feeling any love today.

It’s really hard on me. John is being a real trooper. I knew going into this that toddler adoption wasn’t a cakewalk, but it’s not what I expected.

No worries though… we are going to make this work. I just am having a tough time. This afternoon I am hoping to see my happy man Noah. I could use a “pick me up” after our two hours with Dinara.

I’ll write more later….

Here is another excerpt from our travel journal on our adoption trip to Kazakhstan. If you wish to read more about our journey adpopting our infant son and toddler daughter at the same time, you can do so by looking in the archives for posts that start with a *.

We found out my mom and my daughter are ok. They were scared but everyone survived the earthquake. Now we can concentrate on the task at hand without having to worry about what is going on at home — bonding with our children.

Our visitations are from 10-11 with Noah and then 11-noon with Dinara. Then in the afternoon it’s from 3-4 with Noah and 4-6 with Dinara. We have extra time with Dinara because toddler’s need a bit more time to get used to their new parents.

Our morning session with Noah was ok. He wasn’t feeling himself, but he never cried. He’s an amazing baby. He’s very very active and has a very curious personality. If we put a toy on the other side of the blanket he’s there to see it. He loves sounds. He loves to bang his rattles together and have them make noise. He’s funny to watch. He’ll make a noise, and then look to his momma for her approval. Which of course he always gets. He also likes to do “so big” and “pattycake” and likes to hold onto my hands and stand on my lap. Oh.. And he likes daddy’s digital camera. So dad is happy he’s already showing good strong geek tendencies. I can tell that he is just thrilled to have all this one to one attention.

For me, our morning session with Dinara was the hardest one yet. They brought her into the music room “alone” without a child and as soon as she saw us, she started crying. This was uncomfortable in that there is another family who was doing their first time visit at the same time with their two children, and Dinara’s crying got their children started. They are brand new parents, and I just felt so bad. So I suggested to the caregiver we go to “groupa”. She agreed and Dinara stopped crying. (She understands EVERYTHING).

So we went to group… all the kids were in the potty peeing in little tupperware type bowls all at the same time! But a little boy came out and we rolled a ball again. It saddens me that it’s easier to be with other children then my own child, but this is the way things are going to be. I knew toddler adoption wasn’t going to be a walk in the park. After playing with the other boy, Dinara lightened up a bit. We were able to coerce her to sit on Daddy’s lap if Sergi sat on Daddies lap. Sergi and I started playing a puzzle, and Dinara stayed on his lap. Then she got up and it was time for us to go. She sat down to get her lunch and I walked over to her and gave her a kiss and hug and told her bye bye. Daddy did the same. She let us kiss her… so it was progress. We take it where we can get it.These are just such small baby steps of progress with Dinara. It’s very difficult… but the afternoon made up for everything.

Our afternoon visit with Dinara was GREAT. Timur came with her and they sent an interpreter over to help us out. Dinara speaks both Kazak and Russian. And she babbles a lot. Anyway… She sat on daddies lap with Timur and we played. After awhile the caretaker left without her noticing. YAY! So it was just us, the interpreter and Timur. She got very happy. We played puzzles, we played with the bunny, we played we played with the stack rings. We tickled, and we looked at books. She really LOVES that album we sent. She pointed to all of us and knew who is papa and who is mama and who is “see-estra” and “eat” Eat=dog in Kazakh. She is very taken with the dog.

So all was happy at this session. We measure progress not by how much she loves us but by how much she tolerates us. They tried to take Timur out of the music room, but she wasn’t interested…started to cry. Again, we didn’t push it. I know each day is going to be small baby steps. She gave us hugs and kisses when we left and said “bye-bye” to us. I could tell by the eye contact and smile that her affection for us is growing…. Albeit very slowly.

Even though we were prepared for this to be hard, it’s still hard to come in day after day to a child who clearly not only doesn’t love you, but also isn’t even sure they like you. Especially when you are forming your own strong attachments to this new little person. She has no idea how much we love her already and how her rejection feels. But I hope she knows in her heart and she can feel in her soul, that no matter what she does, we are going to love her anyway… forever.

John and I are mostly eating in the apartment. We had pizza at a pub today that was pretty good… but by dinner time, we are so exhausted, we just want to go to bed. I’m still feeling nauseated. It’s better, but I think the emotional toll is there plus all the different foods. My stomach is revolting and still hasn’t calmed since Moscow. We are afraid to eat meat here since a staple of Kazakh food is horse. So we are eating Vegetarian. The no protein isn’t helping my weakness I guess. And those five flights of stairs insure we get our daily exercise!

Everything here is going ok. The other couple said that Gulbanu mentioned that there was some article in the paper here that was against the Kazakh children being adopted internationally. She seemed to think it would not effect our court … but could others. That has me kind of freaked out. I would NOT want to leave here with out Noah and Dinara.

So I’m unsure how my family is in Seattle after the earthquake. I feel incredibly washed out from my throw up fest. And I am about to meet my two newest children. In spite of everything, I am excited. All the months of longing. The grueling process. All culminating in these moments. I will savor them.

We drove up to the baby house and there was a group of children coming back from a walk. They looked to be about Dinara’s age – around 2 ½. We walked up to the group and two small children ran over to us, threw their arms around our legs and squealed “Mamma! Papa!” They knew. At the tender age of 2 ½ they knew that these adults who talked funny were here to make some child a part of their family. They knew we were here to play the role of Mama and Papa. A role they had never felt but had been told about. It had a tremendous impact on us.

And all these children were REALLY cute. They held our hands as we walked up to the front door of the baby house. We searched each of the 15 faces… is our daughter in this group somewhere? Then one of the caretakers pushed a bundled child up to us. We looked down on a shy quiet little girl and caretaker whispered “Dinara”. It was a Kodak moment in my heart. She was by far the cutest one in the bunch. (Yes, I know I’m not objective but she really is the cutest!) and she kept looking at us. We had sent pictures of us ahead and so she knew who we were. It was like she was studying our faces to see if we were real. She took Johns hand and walked into the baby house. She kept turning around looking at my face, and then looking at John’s face. It was obvious that she had seen the pictures we sent ahead. She was beautiful. She was bundled in a fur coat. Yes fur.. I think it was mink and I think it was handmade. It was BEAUTIFUL and she was all bundled up in little boots, a scarf and a hat. Looking like she was going to expect a blizzard. All I could see was her big chubby cheeks, and those wonderful eyes.

We went into the baby house and waited for Gulbanu and the Director. The baby house smelled well…. “funky”. Not sure what the smell was, but I don’t think I’ll forget it. I will say that we got used to it. The place was immaculately clean though and very cheerful. And it was very obvious that everyone loved these children.Gulbanu arrived and we told her we saw Dinara. She was VERY surprised that Dinara held John’s hand and walked with us. Her surprise was a clue to let us know what was coming… and to let us know that they expected that Dinara was going to have a difficult time accepting and getting used to her new Mamma and Papa.

They took us to the music room and brought Dinara into us. They had changed her clothes to make her look “special”. She was dressed in purple velour and a big purple bow in her hair. She looked beautiful. Here she was, the daughter I had dreamed about. She really is very cute and many of her expressions and “attitude” reminds me very much of her older sister Emma. We sat down together with Gulbanu. We put some toys out on the floor but she wasn’t too interested in them. I could tell she was having a difficult time. She stopped giving us eye contact and looked pretty sad. I tried offering her cookies. No go. I tried offering her goldfish. No go. Ut oh. John then whipped out the camera to take a few pictures. First one didn’t have a flash. The second one did and that was it. Dinara melted down. The flash scared her and she was “done” with us. Her new Mamma and Papa weren’t comforting, they were new and scary and she wanted the comfort of her caretakers. She wouldn’t calm down so they took her from the music room for a bit.

Then they brought us our smiley cuddly boy Noah. What a cutie pie!! He smiles all the time, loves to be held up in the air and loves his Mamma and Papa. Noah is very strong, alert and smart. He vocalizes; he has excellent hand eye coordination and he is already crawling! However he can’t sit up yet by himself. (I bet he will be before we leave Almaty though!) He’s a skinny boy. I expect he weighs about 14-15 lbs? Noah has some minor medical issues. I noticed some eczema or impetigo around his ears. I think he might have an ear infection and he has an upper respitory infection. He felt a little warm. I asked Gulbanu if we could give the caretakers medicine for him. She said it was better to wait. I hate to see him suffer. Although I have to admit he seemed pretty happy. We played with Noah for about an hour. He was a delight. Then it was time to go get some lunch and be back to visit the baby house from 3 to 6. They extended our time at the baby house because they feel we need more time with Dinara. So we will see Noah in the morning from 10-11 and then Dinara from 11-12. Then we will come back and play with Noah from 3 to 4 and then Dinara from 4 to 6.

When we came back in the afternoon, we saw Noah first. He again was very playful. We brought the “discovery stacking toy” which he just loved. He loved the crinklely green one the best. He really seems to be teething. Poor guy. Felt like he had a slight temp.

Gulbanu had gotten permission for us to join the “group” of children who are Dinara’s age. This is a big deal. Most of the time, they do not let parents interact with other children and they are very private. I think part of the reason they don’t want you with the group is because they don’t want you to “pick another child” or do a comparison thing. Maybe they could see how taken we were with Dinara. I think we made a good impression on them. And we assured Gulbanu that no matter what, we wanted Dinara. She was very reassured I think that we were willing to be patient and weren’t expecting everything to be like one big AT&T commercial.

We got to see the kids in Music class. Dinara was upset we were there, so she didn’t participate much till the end. But we saw her sing and do little dance. Then take a bow at the end. They are teaching the kids traditional Kazakh dances and songs. Dinara knew “some” of the words. This is the only sense we have that she does in fact SPEAK! The kids dancing together were precious. Boy girl dancing…. arm in arm, marching around the room. Very cute. We hope we can get video of it. Right now, they have told us “no pictures” but we think we might be able to get some later. Another thing that was cute was that they shook maracahas and did a dance to the pop song “It’s a beautiful life” (Ace of Base?). They blasted the music. It was funny. Oh… and John wanted me to put in here about the “train song” with all the little boys doing a choo choo train dance with the girls play acting to the song.

After music class we played with the kids… tickling them, giving them “rides” in our arms. Dinara would watch, and sometimes smile when she would see one of her “friends” having a good time with us. Finally, I started rolling a “ball” back and forth with another child. Then I rolled it to Dinara. Dinara then rolled it back and we started to play. Then the caretaker said “roll it to PaPa” and she did and she played with her dad a little bit. Another little boy started butting in and rolling a ball to him and Dinara just pushed him out of the way as if to say “Hands off… I am playing with my papa!” When this was all over, she gave John a big smile and waved “bye bye” to get ready to go for her walk.We went on the walk with them. They had us take Dinara by ourselves but she melted down again. She does not want to leave her caretakers. So we walked with the group for a while. All the kids would hold our hands and they were bundled up like little Pillsbury doughboys.

An older caretaker came on duty at 5pm and she was not very patient with Dinara’s crying. So she told Dinara to cut it out and that we would go back into the music room. Which we did with one other little boy. Just the four of us. Dinara sat on her caretakers lap. She was not a happy girl. The caretaker kept reassuring her in Kazakh. Oh and before I forget, we found out that Dinara was at Baby House #2 and that is why she was taking direction in Russian. Then she was transferred to Baby House #3 and they speak Kazakh there. So that is why she is confused language wise. Gulbanu told us that is why she is speech delayed. But she clearly understands a little of both languages. Now she’ll know three.

So the caretaker had us get close. Give her a cookie. Give her goldfish. And we brought her a bunny. She liked the bunny. It’s pink and very soft. She doesn’t get that type of toy in the baby house because it “carries germs”. The word for bunny in Kazakh is Koy-un.The caregiver told Dinara to sit on her Papas lap. Dinara said no. Then I suggested she might do it if the little boy (we don’t know what his name is but he calls us mama and papa and he’s going to be adopted…he’s really cute) sat on one side and Dinara sat on the other. That worked. I really sensed that Dinara wants to be close to us but she is afraid. Anyway, she sat on her Daddy’s lap and boy was he thrilled. When the little boy got off John’s lap so did Dinara. We didn’t push it. Then I started tickling the bunny. Dinara thought this was funny. First I would tickle the bunny… then I would tickle Dinara. She laughed!!! She has a great laugh. She would give me some smiles. I tried to get her to tickle the bunny… but I don’t think she understood. These little moments… hearing my daughter laugh for the first time, slowly watching her let us in… are priceless. We played a little ball, then it was time to go.

We thought this was great progress for the first day. We love both these beautiful children… and can’t believe we are so blessed to get to be their parents.

This is the continuation of my adoption travel journal. We adopted Dinara and Noah in March of 2001 from Kazakhstan. If you missed the first several posts, you can click on the archive and find the posts by viewing titles that start with an ” * “. Let me know what you think of the story!!! I’d love to hear feedback.

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We got to the apartment around 7:30 am. It was five floors up. Being very overweight, I really thought I was going to die. Who would have thought an elevator was a luxury in a building with more then 3 floors! It was a dark stairway. A typical soviet style building. Dilapidated and slightly neglected. Socialism’s stark contrast to capitalism. We had decided to stay in an apartment because we wanted to experience our children’s birth country in a very real way. But I have to admit as I hauled my big body up these stairs, I wondered what I had gotten myself into.

The apartment was nice. It was circa 1950. But clean. Comfortable. We dropped our stuff on the floor and thanked our driver and were told we’d be picked up in 3 hours to visit the kids.

I dove for the phone after the driver left. I wanted to talk to my mom who was watching Emma, my 3-year-old daughter. She had flown out from Florida and I was already missing Emma more then I thought. I was feeling weak from throwing up and just wanted the comfort of talking to someone from home.

I dialed my home number. The phone clicked in the way international calls do. And I heard the recording that made my heart sink to the pit of my stomach.

(AT&T’s familiar tone sounded then) “We’re sorry, we can not connect your call due an earthquake in the region”.

WHAT!!!!

John and I scrambled to find something on TV. You take for granted all our 24 hour cable news shows in ENGLISH. Amazingly, we found one. We gasped as we saw that Seattle had been hit with a magnitude 6.7 earthquake.

Was my daughter ok? Was my mom ok?

I was going to meet my two newest children not knowing if my eldest child was even alive.

This will be a short post. I just wanted to note that we went for dinner in Moscow at 4:00. We had to check out first and wait for Vladimir to come get us at 7pm for our 11pm flight. So we decided to kill time eating. Well… I ordered a pizza and couldn’t eat but a few bites. I spent the rest of the time in the Marriot bathroom puking and dry heaving from 4pm till 7pm. I didn’t know how I was ever going to get on that plane. I felt weak and very sick. As I was kneeling on the cold marble floor puking in the handicapped bathroom stall of the public bathroom and psychicly willing people to not come in — All I could think about was getting to my kids no matter what. I didn’t want to spend another day in Moscow. I knew if I could get to Kaz… I could “start the clock” for the court required visitation and I didn’t want to be away from Emma any longer then I had to. But what if I didn’t stop puking? Would I be able to get enough barf bags on the plane?

Thankfully at about 7:00 I stopped throwing up. I felt like crap, but thought I could make it. Maybe it was food poisoning? Maybe it was the ice in the water? Maybe I was all spazed out about having to deal with the customs guards? Who knows.

Our plane was delayed again. Ugh. Our plane didn’t leave till 12am. We were so tired. We got on the plane and slept for the 4 hour flight…or tried to. This would be the only sleep we would get till the next day at 7pm Kaz time. (10pm Moscow time) We didn’t even sleep the four hours. How do you sleep when you are in labor? I was about to meet my children.

I woke up about a half hour before we landed to a beautiful sunrise out the window of the plane. I could see the mountains. Black sky, with a bright orange horizon. The moment wasn’t lost on me that this “new day” was going to be the beginning of a new life for me and my kids.

I am sharing my adoption travel journal. It’s quite a story. I hope to share it “daily” or at least post every other day. I’ll start the adoption story posts with an “*” so you can find them in the archives. I hope you enjoy it.
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We had a wonderful flight from Seattle to Moscow. I am so grateful we flew business class. We arrived without incident. So far so good! We got off the plane with expectations. Expectations that we would be met at the end of the ramp by the VIP service we hired from gotorussia. We paid a lot of money for the VIP service because they speak Russian and they can help ease us through the process. And since our agency wasn’t thrilled about us going through Moscow to Almaty we figured we needed the extra support. They wanted us to go through Amsterdam or Frankfurt but tickets were so much cheaper going this way. Even in adoption we are rebels!

But guess what? There was no VIP service waiting where they told us there would be. Uh-Oh. So we kept walking. We saw a sign on a pole that said “VIP” (in English not Cyrillic) but there was no one there. It’s so disorientating to not know what the heck you are supposed to do in a country where you don’t read the language, don’t speak the language or know anyone. And yet you are on the most important trip of your life! We decided to go down the stairs to see if the sign was pointing us in that direction. Regular customs control was down there. They told us that if we got to regular customs, we had gone too far. So we went back to the VIP pole and waited a few minutes. Then I flagged someone down from INS who spoke “some” English. She called someone from VIP. They then took us on this long trek around the airport to the VIP lounge where we handed our passports to a uniformed guard and were told to sit down.

Stay with me here. Are you following still?

Well…. Something was wrong because I could tell someone serious (translate: uniformed and not smiling) was talking to the girl who brought us in. She came over and told me “You need to pay us 30 rubles each”. I replied that we had already paid for the service. I wasirritated at this point that the “pay through smooth VIP service” was no where to be found and I was getting concerned that we were going to miss our connection to Almaty. After some broken conversation back and forth… her in English, me in Russian (Me mostly saying “ya nyet Pan-nee-my-yoo—I don’t understand) I called the travel agency gotorussia in Moscow.

They spoke to her and everything got straightened out. Seems “their people” were looking for me. She told me go get the passports that were lying on the counter. I asked her if there was anything else we needed to do, she said no. At this point, I said to John.. I thought we were supposed to have another piece of paper from them…. But we were running so late and my Russian friend wasn’t liking me too much and she did say there was nothing else for me to do.

We left the VIP area where the “gotorussia” woman was waiting and she took us downstairs to our waiting luggage. We couldn’t find our driver. Now I’m getting worried because our flight leaves in less then 90 minutes and we have to transfer to another airport that is at least a 30 minute car ride away.

Finally our driver Vladimire finds us. He’s a kind older man and has a sign with our name on it. We walk outside and realize its REALLY snowing. By really snowing I mean we are in a blizzard. Very beautiful, and very cold. The temperature was close to zero. We hike it out to his van (why oh why did I bring so much friggin luggage?) and pile in. It’s about a half hour drive to the other airport.

We get to the other airport and it is REALLY coming down. Moscow is very pretty from what we could see in the dark. Vlad pointed out where the Russian army stopped Hitler’s troops in WWII. Interesting… Anyway… at the airport we learn that our flight is delayed because of the snow. We take this as a “welcomed break” because we only made it with 30 mins to spare. (traffic was good!)

Now to the interesting part of the story. We decide its time to go through customs. We go and low and behold we do not have the right paperwork. There were about 5 guards. One spoke English pretty well. He told us they wouldn’t let us get on the plane. We were detained. You see, we had all this cash and they were not going to let us leave Russia with it since it wasn’t declared. We were supposed to declare it on a piece of paper. And Russians are very big on pieces of paper and everything being all formal and stamped. What’s the big deal about extra money? As I could understand it, it’s that this money could be “Russian money” and they want it spent “in Russia”. All those American dollars help prop up their Ruble.

We had three options: 1. Leave the money (American cash) with them and go on without it. 2. One of us go, one of us stay. 3. Miss our flight and go buy “travelers checks” in American dollars the next day. 3 turned out to be our choice, but not until we conferred with our facilitator in Kaz that this would work. They had told us to only bring CASH. But I guess travelers checks would work in a pinch.

Let’s be honest. I tried everything to try to get through to these customs guards. I cried, I showed them pictures of my kids– I begged and pleaded. Nothing worked. They weren’t going to let us through. I was devestated. After all the waiting, all the paperchasing, all the glitches that are just so part of the road to international adoption.. I was going to get held up in Moscow only hours before I was supposed to hold my children for the very f