Extraordinary Mundane

And I hate it.
I just wanted to share.

Oh let’s just continue the happy tone of my previous post shall we? I promise I’ll get back to myself soon…but I really must vent….

This morning while doing safety valet at school, which is basically directing a bunch of idiots parents who can’t follow instructions I got yelled at. Oh it was so lovely I tell you.

One woman left her kid off in the wrong spot. Happens all the time. Annoys me because what is so hard about understanding “pull all the way forward”. So traffic was backed all the way down the street. The kid seemed like she was having an issue…but I guess the issue was she was arguing with her mom about her seatbelt. Looked like she was having trouble getting her book bag out to me… So I went to the car to try to help her out and remind the mom to please pull forward. Well… that didn’t go over well. The woman then bellowed at me that her kid didn’t have her seatbelt on and she knew damn well she was supposed to pull forward. I smiled knowingly with a mother’s understanding and simply asked her “Ok.. well for next time, can you please pull forward all the way?” I guess my smile didn’t soothe her. Because she got really pissed at me and said “I am not pulling ANYWHERE when my kid isn’t their seatbelt”. If her anger had been a dagger, I’d be bleeding. Uh. Oh ok. But we are talking about going 5 miles an hour, pulling forward four car lengths and these are the rules you wicked witch…and you are role modeling for your kid who isn’t following the rules that they don’t have to do it when there is something else going on. You know… she unbuckled her seat belt before you stopped because SHE wanted to get out quickly. You stopped the car in the wrong place because you wanted to yell at her. Not much of a difference. Ok I didn’t say that…but I wanted to. So that was a lovely start to my day.

Yeah ok… this is another post about a mommy going summertime crazy. I know you love to read ‘em.

I just went back to school shopping with three kids in tow. It was HELL. HELL HELL HELL I tell you. I attribute it to my end of the summer lack of patience and also the fact that my children are INTENT on proving to each other they are more in control then the next guy and know just what buttons to push to annoy their sibling… or their mother. (more…)

This is very honest, but not very well written. More for the therapy versus writing for the audience.

• I miss the anonymity of blogging.
• I wish I could figure out why I am sad.
• I feel overwhelmed by all the things I have to do.
• I view each time I have to deal with a person even in email, as a Herculean task.
• I wonder if I am depressed.
• I feel like I can’t accomplish anything.
• I feel like a hamster on a spinning wheel.
• My marriage and important relationships are on autopilot and that makes me feel uncomfortable because I know I should be prioritizing them higher.
• I don’t understand how other people can do friendships and volunteering and church and all their kid activities without feeling completely drained and lost.
• Someone close to me is suffering profound infertility sadness and it’s really effecting me.
• Someone else close to me, who is very young, is facing a tumor biopsy Monday and that has me very afraid.
• My husband is having another CAT Scan and contrast MRI today to figure out what is going on with him.
• Emma has surgery on Thursday to take out her pins.
• I have to figure out what I’m going to do with Noah since I have to be in Seattle and I don’t know if I’ll be back.
• I feel fat.
• How I know something is really wrong with me is because I am making piss poor food choices. They are better then they were 2 weeks ago… but I am definitely using food to deal with the stress in my life.
• I had an “issue” with someone who was a friend, and I really put my feelings out there to explain to this person how I felt. This person apologized, but that was it. It was sorta like… ok now that I have apologized, everything should be ok even though this keeps happening. So now, I am avoiding this person. And I can’t avoid this person because I have to work with them. And the whole fucking drama is very draining.
• I can’t seem to get ahead of my to do list no matter what I do.
• I’m worried about money. I hate that more then anything.
• I am loaning my sister money for her house. I guess it’s stressing me out a bit.
• I really feel like my mom is neglecting my father in favor of taking care of her mother.
• I feel like my mom is neglecting everything – including taking care of herself.
• No one else in my family really wants to deal with this problem.
• I don’t either to be honest.
• My mom is making a decision to amputate her last toe or persue a procedure that will cut the tendon and cause her toe to “flop”. Since she’s already unsteady on her feet, I think this option is simply ridiculous. I’m trying to get her to slow down making the decision.
• I am avoiding talking to my mom.
• Yesterday when I called my mom said “you never call me”.
• Hello? Self preservation mode here.
• My friend from down the street “dropped by” the other day.
• I hate that. Call first.
• Another neighbor gave Dinara 2 full bags of gorgeous clothes.
• I love that.
• But now I feel like I owe her.
• I hate feeling like I owe everyone.
• I therefore just want to be in my house not racking up “I owe you points” to anyone.
• I dread when the phone rings because I don’t want to talk to anyone.
• Again… am I depressed? I am not sure. I think this is just who I am.
• I just tolerate it better normally.
• I have a babysitter coming for Saturday so I can take John out.
• I wish John would take ME out and arrange this stuff. Irks me that I am always having to play cruise director for the family.
• There was something on Oprah that rang true for me a week ago about my mom.
• That if you acknowledge the problem, then you have to do something about it.
• And it hit me that not only does my mom do this…but I do it too.
• On this volunteer project I’m working on, I don’t want to get input from other people because I don’t want to have to act on what problems they find. If I don’t see the problems, then I don’t have to do anything.
• The realization that I am like my mother chills me to the bone.
• Researching stuff can paralyze me. I have to have enough information to feel confident about a decision. This works well if the information all says the same thing. But if it doesn’t then I have to research more. Especially if it involves money.
• I still haven’t made my plane reservations for Florida.
• I wonder if I am resisting because I really just don’t want to throw myself into the fray of chaos down there.
• My garage is a mess. It saps my energy every time I walk in from the car through all that crap. And it irritates me to no end that I am the one who is going to have to do something about it.
• I got a great deal for a stay at the Westin in Maui. Except I’m so overwhelmed by everything else in my life I can’t plan another vacation. And yet I know if I don’t do it, it won’t happen.
• I have to run pick up my blood work order and go buy two birthday presents today.
• I’m hoping it’s sunny so I can walk a little bit. I am sick of being cooped up in this house.

I still feel like crap. I will admit that I have now started in on my private stash of antibiotics. Yes, I buy contraband antibiotics from 3rd world countries so I don’t have to jump through hoops at my doctors office. And it’s cheaper. I have completely rationalized it that I am doing my part to support the global economy. Anyway, back to my whining. I have swollen glands, green gunk, and I feel like someone ran me over with a cement mixer. Sure sure sure.. it could be viral. But trust me, it feels like my upper respiratory system is being slowly eroded away – which would then be a breeding ground for bacteria anyway. Ok I admit it. I just can’t get past my “give me a pill to fix it” mentality. I end up on antibiotics maybe twice a year. And I hate the whole “you just suffer ten days before we decide if it’s bacterial” thing. Goes against my “control everything and have instant gratification mentality”. And all of you green folks who are going to lecture me on how I am diminishing the effectiveness of antibiotics… Spare me. You are getting more antibiotics in your meat, eggs and dairy products then I am taking twice a year.

And of course you only eat organic.

Did I mention I feel like crap? Cause this is all about me not you right?

It’s not been a great 24 hours.

First, my sister had to put her dog to sleep yesterday. It was very difficult. This is after her father in law died last week. And then her mother in law as diagnosed with cancer. And she’s living with my parents helping to take care of my dad with Alzhiemers. Although to be honest, dealing with my mom can be way worse then my dad, but that’s a whole ‘nother topic. Anyway, it’s been a hard week.

Yes it does put the following rant into perspective. But of course, that doesn’t slow me down.

So the 24 hours from hell started with the leaking fridge. Hubby can’t fix it. Have to call a repairman. Should have done that to begin with, but I digress.

Then, last night, the chocolate bunnies disappeared and there was a huge brown spot on the carpet where the dog had been licking it. Our dog is less then 20 pounds and chocolate is poisonous to dogs. We figured out, after getting the kids to talk, that she had to have eaten at least ¾’s of two bunnies… more then enough to make her very sick. Dinara was distraught because she especially had been told several times to keep the candy up high so the dog couldn’t get it. Noah was strangely quiet. He too has been educated on chocolate. I just chalked his silence up to boy “withdrawal”. I was wrong.

So we researched on the Internet to decide should we take the dog to the vet or just induce vomiting. We induced vomiting with Ipecac syrup. Poor dog.

I’ll spare you the drama, but come to find out that the dog DIDN’T eat the two bunnies. Noah ate one (his own) and then most of his sisters. He GAVE the dog the last half of Dinara’s bunny. All the while while pulling info from the kids, he just maintained the lie. I wasn’t really that irritated about him actually giving the dog chocolate… the lying and then watching the dog and Dinara suffer just fried my eggs. As Sanibel started her 10 round of puking I can’t begin to tell you how livid I was with my son for lying. And although it might have been difficult to expect an almost five year old to be empathetic for a dog, he certainly didn’t show any empathy when Dinara was completely distraught over the fact that she might have killed the dog. The tears never stopped she felt so bad about it. He never shed a tear.

Then this morning, Noah was up at 5:30 am. I’m telling ya… this kid is testing my nerves! He woke up the rest of the house at 6am. After yelling at him several times to get back to bed (rules are he’s not allowed out of his bed till the first number is a 7) I couldn’t get back to sleep. And of course the dog had us up last night a lot too… so we are tired to begin with. So now, they have an extra grumpy mommy.

Then I get on email this morning and find out that guests of ours at the house in Florida had issues. Apparently, the house wasn’t up to standard. Which means I have to go deal with the property manager. It’s very difficult to manage a property from across the country. Especially when you are a control freak and the people you employ do meet their responsibilities. I’m just so not in the mood for confrontation today. I think since I’m over tired, I’ll wait and deal with it tomorrow. The people who complained are already checked out. So having a bit of distance is only going to be a good thing. (pun intended)

Oh.. and in perfect vain to show you my weekend grumpiness… remember last week when I said I had to clean up before the cleaning lady came? Well… I spent several hours in my kid’s room. I’ll blog about it later. But hopefully the lesson they came away with from that was “if mommy cleans, the things she gets rid of would not be the things I would get rid of so I am better off to clean my messes myself”. ‘Nuff said.

Ok… Im going to go drink a few more cups of coffee. Let’s hope it improves my mood.

Happy Easter!

Kids are coming down from their sugar high. No, not from the candy, but from the yummy pancake breakfast Daddy made for us this morning.

Just another Sunday. John ran to Home Depot to go buy some shelving and a new waterline for the ice maker. I’m irritated by this. Have no idea why. It’s one of those things that he’s just tunnel vision focused on and I’d rather him be focused on something else. He asked me why I was irritated and I honestly had to tell him “I have no idea”. Anyway… the freaking fridge was leaking. Who knows how long. Water was standing behind it and did some damage to the hardwood floor, but we’ll have to deal with that later. Did I mention I’m irritated? Maybe I’m just displacing my irritation with the leak…

So I am waiting for him to come home so I can run out to do the weekly grocery shopping. I actually want to switch to start doing grocery shopping more then once a week. I want to get more fresh produce and less processed crap. But amazingly, this is a hard habit to break. Because I hate grocery shopping. You’d think someone who loves food as much as I do would enjoy going to a whole store full of it. But I don’t.

Gee… aren’t I a basket of joy this morning?

And I’ve been trying to determine what I need to wear for my 15- year college reunion. I need a new suit and a cocktail dress. I live in Seattle. We don’t do suits here. We don’t do cocktail anything. My wardrobe is jeans. So I must go spend more freakin’ money. Because you know, in the south they know how to be proper - or at least look it.

So I’ve been looking at the latest styles trying to determine analytically what would work for my body type. Sadly I have realized something. Obviously most women who wear cocktail dresses don’t think their upper arms are flabby. Cause they are all spaghetti straps. If I had arms like Linda Hamilton in the Terminator 2 movie, I guess I’d be thrilled with some cute spaghetti strap number. But after losing all this weight, my upper arms are not something I want to showcase. Even if I was in shape, extra skin isn’t attractive.

And since I’m tall, finding a suit isn’t an easy breezy situation either. Hard to find jackets with long enough arms. Pants can be hemmed. But then I have to pick out shoes too. God. And they have be comfortable since I’ll be wearing them all day. And I have to wear at least some sort of heel. Blah.

See? Isn’t this fun? Don’t you love it when I get like this? Complain, complain, complain. Joyful, joyful we adore thee.

Honestly, since I am going to look 200% better then I did when I left college (down over 150 lbs) why do I even care? Really? I could go in burlap and look better then I did then all fat. I’m half the person I was and that’s a way bigger accomplishment to wear on my sleeve then what clothing I am wearing. But a $400 Dana Buchman suit would make me feel better. Ha.

And then there is the dreaded “what are you doing now” question. If I answer “retired” people automatically assume I just quit to stay home with the kids. Uh hello. I was the major bread winner here. It like diminishes my accomplishment because I am female and I had kids. But what can I say really? If I say “retired from the big fortune 500 company” they are immediately calculating the stock options in their head. It’s a little crass to point out one’s financial success. And yet it is money that was the metric that allows me to stay at home. If I say “I’m a stay at home mom”.. it sounds like I wasted my education. No pushing my way up the ladder. That I gave up my dreams to play mommy martyr. No way to point out “But I made it to the top rungs of the ladder!” I’ve been approached to sit on the Board of Trustees at the college… but those people are all 30 years my senior and “get where I’m at” without me having to explain it. My peers and contemporaries are clueless. I guess I’m ok leaving them there. Being a stay at home mom is now my identity. There is some pride in that for me… I just don’t want to diminish my career success because I no longer live it daily ya know? My identity is no longer wrapped up in work. There is no need to justify my 80K small women’s college education to my contemporaries. To prove to them I didn’t waste it. To showcase my success. Why do I feel the need to justify and showcase? Isn’t that shallow?

Let’s face it, this whole trip is just fraught with stress. Mother in law. College reunion. Taking all the kids. I need to just suck it up and do what I know I have to do. Change my perspective. I’ll be fine once I get there. God help you dear readers, because you will have to put up with this process for the next few weeks. I’ll try to not bemoan about it too much. Lucky for you, I’m pretty good at burying stuff. Heh. {*deep cleansing breath*} Be happy with who you are now Kym. Focus on the goodness you have already brought into your life. No need to try to change more now before you go. You have nothing to prove. Time to get your head in the right place.

Hmmmmm. Wonder if I can find an appointment for some ZOOM whitening in the next two weeks?

I write you this little note because obviously, I am among the more enlightened. I am trying to think how we can go about educating you en masse. I fear it’s futile. Maybe we need to hand you some little flyers at the door. Maybe we should have you sign a pledge when you join the membership. Maybe you just are clueless and we should bestow sympathy upon you and your IQ that must be around 50.

In my quest be gracious, I have taken a time to write the basic rules of navigating Costco. You can thank me later.

1. Flatbed carts always have the right away. Always. So move the hell over.
2. Stay to the left or the right… not in the middle. Middle is the passing lane. We take away your Executive Club Rebate if you break this rule.
3. Do not discuss “sharing a bag of pears” in the middle of the fruit aisle backing up people in both directions.
4. Just flash the guy at the door your card. Don’t stop to chat him up.
5. Leave your big things in the cart. No need to take up valuable conveyer space that the person behind you could be using with your toilet paper and paper towels.
6. No standing at the food demonstrator’s table waiting for seconds or thirds. Get your grub and move the hell along. You could probably stand to lose a few pounds anyway.
7. It’s encouraged that you leave your cart in a less busy place and go grab what you want. Do not leave your cart parked in a busy place. Like in front of the books.
8. If someone has a cart full of stuff and your cart is half empty, move over first. It’s harder to make full carts turn. And it would really hurt if they pushed their cart hard and hit you with it because you were inconsiderate.
9. Watch your cart coming around turns. No extra points for plowing over small children.
10. Do NOT stop and chat with your spouse in front of where you get the carts. You can yell at him just as easily while you walk inside the store.

Or maybe we should put flashing signs all over the store that say: Always be thinking folks: How can I get out of people’s way?

Yes I shopped at Costco today. Oh happy day.