Extraordinary Mundane

Im not dead.

Just really really busy.

We’ve been hitting dog shows every weekend and it’s put a crimp in my free time. Add to that working, end of year PTA festivities, Tri training, Yoga, children activities, seeing friends and being a mother — and I have been one busy girl.

My dad’s mental capacity is deteriorating and that has been playing on my mind a lot. It’s very hard to be in the sandwich generation and yet be a big cheese 3000 miles away. Add to that that my dad’s mom had a heart attack this past week and she has dementia and it just makes for a bad sitcom plot.

I just had my annual bloodwork and I am anemic again. Also, that kidney stone they said I didn’t have? Turns out I do have one. PTH is still high too so that means Im not getting enough of one of the minerals. So I am dealing with some health issues myself.

Exercise wise I have been doing really well. Especially considering that i have anemia again. This week has been slower. I have missed several workouts but I am ok with it. Truth is, time is simply short this week with everything i have going on. I’ll probably get in 2 or 3… and I will be ok with that number for this week. I am still doing Yoga and loving it. I am considering dropping the Tri and just picking up more yoga. Or i might do both and just not worry about how I am going to do in the tri. Just look at the tri as a 2 1/2 hour adventure and not a race. Can I mentally get there?

Work is going well. Busy but ok.

Denali took 2nd and 3rd place last weekend and Emma took first and second in her shows. Emma is doing really well. We are enjoying it. This weekend we are home with no dog shows but we will be on the dog show circuit again for another month the following weekend.

PTA is going ok. My heart just isn’t in it anymore. I’m weary of compromise and leadership. At this point, for me it’s just pushing through to the end. Im burnt out. Budgets, stupid people, meetings and obligations abound. Im so over it.

The weather today was chilly and I am sick of it. When the heck is summer going to shine her sunshine on us? I need some sunshine!

I’ve spent a lot of my free time lately mothering my children through various friendship issues. Seems all my children are dealing with learning different lessons about friendship, self confidence and leadership. Noah pointed out to me today that he doesn’t like working in a group because some people on his team think they are right all the time but they are not. Welcome.To.My.World.Kid.

Lots going on in this head of mine lately. Maybe I’ll try to actually write something meaningful this weekend.

Sorry I have been a bit absent. It’s been crazy lately. I have been putting in some extra hours at work, and there just aren’t that many free hours in the day. Here’s my current life snapshot right now.

PTA: It’s Budget time on top of everything else. I’ve said no to convention and several school “projects” that have come my way. I simply have to put limits on my volunteering time these days. There’s just no way around it. Im a pretty free place with regards to PTA. I don’t really care how my community is judging me. I am doing my best and I believe I am doing a good job. It’s liberating not to care what people think.

Work: I’ve put in 15 extra hours in the last 9 days. Doesn’t sound like much but it’s had a huge impact on my free time. There have been some issues at work that have taken up much of my time and are not “project based” so it’s been hard to manage my schedule. It’s been a struggle actually to make it work, but lucky for me my boss is pretty understanding and flexible and has approved extra hours that have taken away the stress of having to worry about not getting the work done. What’s interesting though is that this is the first time in a year that I have had to choose “what things aren’t going to get done” because there is simply too much there to get done. I like being busy though. It’s just a balance. And of course my work is on the computer so it’s so easy to get sucked into it ALL THE TIME. I have to really figure out the boundary thing with work. It’s difficult when there are these bigger issues. I think I have to just assume that now is a busy time and other times will be less and that is just the way it’s going to work.

Kids: I’ve spent quality time with each child lately and I am VERY proud of this accomplishment. Today I did crafts with my son. Yesterday I watched my daughter do dances. Day before I spent ½ hour discussing with my daughter how to win friends and influence people. We also spent time today as a family talking about interest and how “credit” works. I am LOVING being a mom right now. I am savoring the age they are right now and how much fun they are to be around.

Fitness this week:
I am loving yoga. I am stretching every day several times a day. I really listening to my body and really trying to tune into it. It sounds so hokey—but I believe that the mind/body/spirit connection is the next step in my evolution.

Here’s last weeks training log.
Weekend: Walk/Ran two miles. Wish I could run again without having to walk, I’m just not there yet. Oh well.
Monday 10 mins of warm up cardio- 30 mins of strength training on the legs. The squats killed my quads. It’s now Friday and I am just now feeling better.
Tuesday - Hour and half of yoga. She ran over and she kicked our ass. It was a really difficult class. I worked up a good sweat and my arms and core felt extremely fatigued afterwards. I swam ½ mile after class and barely made it. I was exhausted.
Friday 2 mile walk/run. Had to force myself. Still felt tired and had no energy. Quads still a touch sore.

Current house projects:
Noah’s room is painted and we have his new quilt. I’m waiting for curtains and I am working on his “Nintendo Mario Poster”.
John and I are working on the built-in kitchen in the back yard. Yes still. The entire cement block is done. We have to do the wood framing for the cabinets next and then I can start putting the rock facing on. We are hoping we can get that done soon. We are excited about using our new grill.
We installed a motion detector light switch for the kid’s bathroom. Their bathroom lights over the vanity use a bunch of bulbs. Now if they forget to turn off the lights (which they often do) they’ll turn off after 45 seconds.
John installed this awesome plugin that allows us to watch the Netflix on demand movies on our TV via our Xbox. Sweet!

Relationships
Things there are in an up cycle right now. I am currently thinking about the balance of friendships in my life and how much time I have to nurture them. It’s hard for me to be with people I am not fully committed to and I think I tend to keep people at a distance if I don’t feel I can be really authentic with them. I’m not sure this serves me in the long run… but there is a definite case of diminishing returns with friends. I can’t give even 50% to everyone… so what is the right level to give to people you care about? And what is the right amount to expect in return?
Does being close with someone give you a free pass to not put effort into nurturing the relationship if things are busy and you know they will love you anyway no matter what you do?

Spiritually
I’ve had some of the most amazing conversations lately about spirituality with friends. I have been meditating regularly – although I still haven’t carved out daily time. My latest thoughts have focused on suffering, attitude and joy. I wish I had time to mentally explore them via writing in my blog but alas I’ve been handcuffed by preciousness of free time lately.

Decisions that need to be made• House in Florida management changes and price issues. Should we? Do I need to go down there?
• Figuring out the summer schedule. Figuring out Emma’s trip to Florida.
• Dog showing. How much is the right amount? I don’t think I want to do as many dog shows as we are currently committed to.
• Summer schedule with work: How much time do I need to be with the kids? What time do I want to ask for off?
• Husband is considering a job change. Should we or shouldn’t we?

Next weekend Emma and I will be traveling to a dog show. We’ll be leaving Friday afternoon and coming back Sunday night. I’m a bit freaked out about what this is going to do my schedule. I tend to use the weekends to “catch up”.

The next couple months are going to be brutal. I am mentally prepared for it. And I believe that as long as I can keep a certain amount of family time and free time set aside for myself…. I am hoping I can do it with a joyful heart.

In yoga , it’s all about being present and feeling your body. For a girl who’s gone decades completely ignoring her body, it’s still very uncomfortable to have to answer someone when they ask me a question about my body. I realize that I am not really aware of it.

“Do you feel tightness?” (no I feel like I can’t move my body this way)

How does your skin feel? (huh?)

Feel your breath. (I feel out of breath and I hate these planks)

Feel. Feel. Feel. All that talk about feeling gives me the heebie jeebies.

How about think. Think I can do well. Feel. Not so much. I’m still discovering why I would even want to feel this body of mine. Feels old. That is how it feels.

And I dont like that there are simple things I can not do in Yoga. I obviously have ego issues.

And yes, I know… it’s a process. I am sure that me doing yoga right now is exactly what I need. I do know I feel better after doing it.

So — after yoga last night I swam ½ a mile. I stopped a little bit about halfway through for a 2 minute break. I was a bit tired, but not near like I was last week. I think even still, I am recovering from that freaking flu.

I wanted to go do something today but I just haven’t gotten up the gumption. I feel lazy today. I will tomorrow.

This morning I got up and came down stairs and my husband greeted me with the news that Noah was sick. I felt like I was going to cry. We just have had nonstop sickness in this house this winter. It has been so brutal. Dinara was sick during the beginning of the week and now Noah. But it got better. Around 9am he puked all over the floor. So yay! Fun for mommy. And sucks for poor Noah. He’s feeling a bit better but he’s obviously got what we all have had. Dinara on her on accord went upstairs today to read in her bed. (What did you do with my daughter?) And then fell asleep for 2 hours. So obviously… we are still trying to overcome sickness here. And mentally, these sickies are going to put me in the loonie bin.

Today is Emma’s birthday. She’s 11. I can’t believe she’s 11 of course. Every parent says that and it’s somewhat a cliché in a blog to say it. But it really seems like yesterday when I was bringing her home from the hospital.

I must go now… I still have that post on suffering rolling around in my head. I need to find time to put it into words. Maybe I’ll just write a few statements and break it up over time….

6:45 Meditation
8:10 Kids to school
8:30-9:45 Coffee with friend
10:10 to 2:10 Work
2:15-2:50 Bank and pick up a bday present
3:00 Pick up kids
3:15-4:00 Digital final edits & communication
4:00 Math Tutoring and Homework
5:15 -6:15 Dinner (Chipoltes tonight)
7:00-8:15 YOGA
8:15-8:45 Swam 1/2 mile I think. Maybe less. I was tired and I lost count of my laps
8:50-9:10 Shower then home
9:15 Email and TV
11:00 BED

And yesterday I did strength training and we had Beef and Broccoli (homemade) for dinner.

I’m blogging early this morning. In the hopes that writing will bring productive clarity to my day.

As far as illness goes, I’m much improved. I’m not dead. I am still struggling a bit with congestion and fatigue, but I think I’ve been able to starve off any secondary infections. And I feel extremely lucky that my family was able to avoid catching this horrible Influenza. I’m now convinced that those “open containers” of contrast fluid I drank in the hospital for my CT were my downfall. Im sure lots of people in the waiting room who were there for chest films, contaminated me. Which just adds to my resolve to avoid doctors offices and hospitals at all costs during flu season.

Yesterday was one of those days where you feel like you should be accomplishing a lot, but you fell way short. But when I really look at what the day turned out to be, it was great. I woke up with Migraine which was related to some new medication my doctor put me on. I wont be taking it anymore. And then I proceeded to work on two digital scrapbooks that I am doing for a friend. I do love doing this sort of creative thing, but it’s more challenging when time is so short and I have felt like crap! So I was really pushing to get them finished under deadline. Imagine how devastated I was when a server glitch blew away ALL my work when I was 95% done. UGH! So I just put it away and am now sitting with the discomfort of knowing I lost DAYS of work…. And I have to simply do it again.

Then we went to the Seattle Children’s Theatre and saw The Hundred Dresses. The Play was great and we enjoyed it. The main take away from the play was ‘If kids are getting bullied and you choose to say nothing does that make you a party to the bully too?” So we had lots of great family conversations over dinner at the Cheesecake Factory on what it means to speak up – even when it’s easier not to. And let me just say… The Thai Lettuce Wraps at the Cheesecake Factory are to die for!

Then we went to the phone stores (AT&T and Verizon) to try to figure out what plan we need. Emma is getting a cell phone for her birthday so we are in the throes of trying to figure out all the logistics. In todays market… the last thing I want to be doing is upgrading our cell phone plan and cell phones. I loathe spending more money right now.

Then we came home and I was whipped. I should have done some laundry and cleaned up my kitchen but I was too tired. Instead me and the kids put on our jammies and watched Becoming Jane under the comfy cozy covers of my bed. My son eventually got kicked out because he thought tickling was more fun than the movie… but the rest of enjoyed it.

I would love to take today and just “veg” to be honest. But I will feel better when I get some of these to do items off my plate. The biggest to-do item for today is doing our taxes. I need to get them done and off to our accountant. I hate doing taxes.

Kids got up and got their baskets this morning. The big gift this year was a $50 bill. All the kids decided that they would rather have the money then the gift which worked out well for me. And they got a small basket of candy. Except Emma…who decided since went shopping with her friend yesterday morning at Limited Too that she would rather have extra money then candy.

I am hoping to start back in with exercise this week. I feel a bit weak and still sort of sickly, but I feel the clock starting to tick down and I need to engage. Monday and Friday I am going to strength train. Tuesday is Yoga and Swimming. And I need to fit in some walking and biking in this week. Maybe in the evenings.

My life has been feeling fairly balanced lately. I am spending quality time with my husband and kids – engaged in meaningful and mindful connections. I am meditating each day for at least 10 minutes. (sometimes more). I haven’t been exercising, but only because I am letting my body still heal from the flu. Friendships are still a bit tricky for me to balance but I am doing a lot of thinking there lately – and it’s all good and I feel like I’m on the right path. Work is going ok and I am accomplishing a lot in the part time hours I am working – including dealing with volunteer politics which can be challenging to deal with via instant messenger.

I do have another deep post I need to write on Eckhert Tolle…. The subject is on suffering and how that relates to parenting. Maybe I’ll get time for that this week. I am still loving that book. I still flip through it for thought provoking inspiration.

Well I started my day out with no temp and kept it at bay all morning. Now’s it back up at 100… but I still feel way better. I can tell Im on the “other side” of it now. And I dont mean dead. Which I thought could be a possibility at one point. My days have been get up, work, take a nap, make dinner, work again and then go back to bed. Hopefully, I’ll be able to break out this pattern soon.

Denali took Reserve which means he was the second place boy there. There were eight boys, so it was a nice little pick me up. Of course it’s meaningless because we dont get conformation points for it.

Emma didn’t place in Jrs either show this weekend. Bummer. I thought she deserved something yesterday. Both she and Denali did very well.

Noah was up puking last night. He seems fine this morning. I think he’s constipated because he has been eating too many carby starchy foods and not enough veggies and drinking enough water.

I am so freaking tired I can’t see straight. Life is too busy.

My abdominal pain seems to be less for the first time in 5 weeks. YAY!

Time change today and I had to be at the show at 7:30. Mamma Mia I hate early mornings!

We are contemplating a cell phone for my eldest for her birthday. Anyone have any tips on how they monitor their kids text messaging on these things?

Tonight for dinner: Chicken Enchiladas
What Im looking forward to: Snuggling in my cozy bed tonight watching TV and going to sleep EARLY.

I had two nails taken out of my tire today. Where was I driving that I would have picked up two nails? What a hassle to spend an hour out of my very busy day getting that fixed.

This morning I woke up at 4am and realized I didn’t register by deadline for a dog show. Ooops.

My eldest was extremely moody today and so I asked her to on a walk with me alone and talk. Worked wonders. And I feel good I got some exercise in today.

Spent way too much time on PTA crap today. We are in a busy cycle right now.

Stock Market is up! Whoot! I was up significantly today. The defensive moves I made earlier this year are paying off now.

Dinner: Rib eye Steak and Broccoli

Thought for the day: I watched a new show last night about an immortal guy. The show was called New Amsterdam. One of the quotes was “Death is what gives value to time.” If you never died, then time would actually almost be a curse.

I’m really irritated with some of the folks I am forced to work with on the PTA. It irks me to no end when these unevolved chuckleheads don’t respond to emails. It irritates me that folks think I’m doing this stupid job because I love it or something.

I had a doctor’s appointment today. I got a whole year of Ambien. It was worth it to go and put my feet up in stirrups just to get that script.

I woke up with a screaming migraine today. Haven’t had one of those in a long time. I dont know what triggered it, but it was a biggie. Complete with halo effect and being unable to see — and then melting into the most untouchable throbbing headache for about 4 hours complete with nausea. At least I didn’t eat a lot today.

In my one hour of free time I got dog food and grocery shopping done. Im so efficient people.

My daughter had Dog Conformation Class today where we found out she is in the top 20 for her breed in the Nation. WHOOOT!

My husband bought an xbox360 today to use as a media center. He’s all excited. Me I think it’s a waste of money.

We are still thinking about vacation for this summer. I’d rather spend the money and go to Thailand. How hot is Thailand in the summer?

We have dog shows almost every weekend this summer. Will I love it? I dont think so. It’s hard to pull myself up to the table on anything that is that rigoriously scheduled.

I am planning out my excercise schedule. I am going to do Yoga once a week, strength training twice a week, swimming at least once a week and walking at least once a week. The goal is to get my body to a place where I can be healthy and strong enough to train. Im dealing with another issue with my leg so I need to really be careful about how I do this.

Im reading a book where it advises that your goal as a parent is not to remove your child from suffering or nuture them through it — but rather it’s more empowering to teach them that suffering is necessary and it is what makes you stronger. Then to reinforce they can manage it.

Are you proud of me for updating my blog more often? Does anyone still read this crap?

• To be the type of parent that each of my children individually need.
• Creating a training plan to get back into shape that will keep me (hopefully) injury free and not stress me out.
• Being a better partner to my husband by focusing on what he needs from me to be happy.
• Actively managing our finances and investments and focusing on the hedge sectors I think will hold up under inflationary, recessionary, currency and credit crunch pressures.
• Thinking about how I compartmentalize my relationships and if the way I do it now is going to serve me in the long-term — or if there is a better way to do it.

Most of these things can all boil down to just being present. The more present I am, the better person I will be. I do realize that to achieve true presence - I will need to allow myself a lot of time and freedom to think. Which is tricky if you keep yourself too busy.

Parental Lesson of the day: Dinara learned to vacuum. There is much involved with vacuuming that you take for granted. She was just running around with the vacuum. But we actually talked about “project planning” and how to section things off into smaller bits and vacuum in straight lines so you are sure to get everything. I love Wednesday afternoons. They are chore day in our house. We work together for an hour as a family and make great progress. My kids might need years of therapy but by gosh, they are going to know how to make a bed, run a vacuum and sweep a floor! Ha.

Parental Quandary: My eldest daughter wants a cell phone for her birthday. Do we or don’t we? Since I don’t believe avoidance is a long term coping strategy I think we really have to decide when its appropriate and then how we are going to monitor it. It would be convenient to text her !

What Im working on right now: Trying to be happy with what I have versus focusing on what the ideal is and therefore what I do not have.

Tonights Dinner: Chicken and Rice

Today’s Funny I love this video. Yes I know it’s been around the internet for weeks, but it’s still hilarious.

Now Jimmy has a response. Not quite as good… but gets better as it goes on.

Dinner tonight: Sloppy Joes on whole wheat rolls

Today’s excitement: Danskin registration closed after only being open three hours. I’m getting in because of the medical roll over from last year. Whew. Can you believe it? I was so sad when I thought I might not be able to get in. I got there it and it was closed and panicked. I guess I do really want to do this. Although I feel so out of shape right now that Im not sure if I am feeling fear or excitement.

Did I exercise today?: Yes. 2 mile walk/run. Mostly walk. It’s going to be a long road back to being tri-fit. The weather was sunny and gorgeous though. And I had a very stressful morning so it was good to be out in the sunshine. And sure… my hip hurts a little bit… and Im alittle afriad my body is going to give out… but it’s WORTH IT.

Next vacation: Do we want to go to Alaska this summer or do we just want to stick around the house? Decisions. Decisions. Hard to fit in Alaska between Tri, finishing patio and dog shows every weekend. But traveling during the school year is getting tougher and tougher. And my oh my… I do love vacations!

Picture of the week: Three Amigos in Mexico. Gosh it was a great trip.

Dinner tonight: Flank Steak Pinwheels with Feta, Spinch and Sun Dried Tomato, Mashed Potatoes, Broccoli and Baby Carrots.

What Im thinking about: A friend from college lost her mom to pancreatic cancer while I was in Mexico. I’m sad for her and Im thinking about her.

What I need to do tomorrow: File claims for our Flexible Spending Account and do a whole bunch of PTA to do items and register for the Danskin.

Funny vacation moment: I went to Mexico last week and was kayaking with my daughter in the Pacific. All of a sudden, I noticed a HUGE shadow move under the boat at a very speed. Calculating the size, it seemed shark sized. Totally freaked me out. I told my daughter who was convinced I was pulling her leg. I felt like we were living some bad sitcom. Anyway — turns out it was a sea lion. Whew!

Two latest books I have read:
Bringing Down the House: Six MIT Students who took Vegas for Millions
Swimming to Antarctica by Long Distance Swimmer Lynn Cox

My friend gave me some candle stuff for my fortieth birthday. Doesn’t it look pretty with the glass decorations? That picture above the mantle is of yurts in Kazakhstan. You know, the country my kids were born in. Lest you were wondering.

Im off tonight to go to a Henna Party. Never been to a Henna party but again, feel like it’s a good global community experience for my children. Well, at least my girl children because they are the ones who are invited.

Tomorrow we are off to see friends of ours in Olympia. We love spending time with them and we aren’t even dreading the drive! (Well… maybe my husband is but he doesn’t count!)

Then Sunday is another party. Don’t I just feel all popular?

Today I cleaned the house with my slaves children. I believe its my job as a parent to teach my children important tasks such as how to use the vacuum, how to organize the coat closet and how to empty several small trash cans into a big white garbage bag. Seriously though, they did a great job.

Then we went for a run. All of us. Together. Which involved a lot of walking in between short bursts of running. It was fun. And we all felt better after 30 mins of activity. And we did at least a quarter mile of hills. So yay us.

Yesterday was spent playing board games. We played a rousing game of Whoonu, Apples to Apples and Whoonu. That Whoonu is great fun for families. I highly recommend it if you have more then 3 people to play. Ages five up can handle it.

Ok.. must go… I’m going to try to blog a bit more in the next week. Work is going to be a bit lighter and Im looking forward to some me time

Sorry I haven’t been blogging much lately. Although on the blog it looks like I stopped blogging when I hurt my foot, the real reason I am not blogging is that working simply sucks up what extra free time I used to have. There just isn’t time to be good at being a mom, being a good PTA president, and being a good blogger and being a good worker. Something had to give. Blogging and the 20 mins it took a day is simply gone. I need to not have the mental worry about updating here. I will update here when I can, but it simply isn’t on my radar much these days.

Work has been a real growth opportunity for me. Not in a career sense, but in a sense that it’s forcing me to really prioritize my life. Before, when I had things come my way – lunch with girlfriends, time with friends, volunteering opportunities, parties, things to do around the house… I just did them. I didn’t really give it a second thought. Time is a delicious luxury. Now, I need to pick and choose more what I want to do and when I want to do it. It has been difficult to adapt to the new conditions. Any idiot can grow when they have nothing else to do … but can I do it when I am really really busy? I don’t know yet.

Here’s the daily snapshot.

From 7am to 8:15 I am getting myself up, kids up and out the door and doing carpool. Then I come home to work. I work pretty much from 8:30am to 12:30pm. That gives me 2 ½ hours 4 days a week (Weds is a half day so I get 1 hour there if I start work early or work late one evening) to do all my errands, PTA extra meetings (about 4 hours per week) and handle all appointments. It’s almost impossible to make it work. Throw in the unexpected flu, travel, start of school pta madness or sick children and it really just becomes almost overwhelming

From 3-4 most days I am doing homework with the kids. I have made this now a priority in my life to work especially with Dinara who needs the extra help coming up with strategies and processes to deal with her issues. We have already seen tremendous pay off… but it’s a huge time commitment. On the days I am not helping her, we have mommy carpool to kids activities. Then I have dinner prep and dinner from 5 to 6 each night. I’ve been trying to engage to do PTA email every night from 6 to 7pm. 7-8pm I have been working on household stuff like bank deposits, getting stuff ready for tomorrow, paying bills, etc. From 8-10pm I usually clean up the kitchen, put stuff away, fold laundry, etc. And watch TV. If I don’t engage on the household stuff in the evening hours… everything tends to go to hell in a handbasket – so Im learning the hard way that this time must be scheduled in, or I just don’t do it.

That is my new life.. I am in the process of trying to work things around so that I can get 3 to 4 workouts in a week when I feel better. That is going to require me moving one of my work days to the evening so I get an extra 4 hours a week free without kids.

So… being that busy begs the question: Is it worth it? I’m not sure I can for certain answer that yes right now, but I think it’s yes. I’ve committed to this job till early spring and I will see it through and then determine if this is a pace I can keep up or not. My goal is to remain present in my life and prioritize things well so I still have personal growth. Can I do it? I admit I do love the challenge of it all. Sick. I.know.

Oh sure… we could just focus on money as a metric. But that is too easy. From a purely economic standpoint, working is a no-brainer. I get paid well and I work from home. I am putting away more than $500 per month which adds up to over $300,000 in retirement. Plus, I am paying off our home equity loan which covered our new patio. I love love love growing my savings and it ‘s a real rush for me to do it. Me working keeps more money in our investment account because we don’t have to draw out as much to live. So on many levels, it’s wealth building. For me, focusing on this aspect of my life is VERY rewarding on many levels.

But there is a personal cost having your hours completely booked up. You know how people who have to scrounge and look for food and shelter don’t really have a lot of time to be focusing on emotional growth? When you are so very busy that your time is spent focused on survival … you simply don’t engage in other pursuits. And life isn’t as fulfilling. I’ve had it both ways and trust me, it’s better with lots of time!

In other news, my foot seems fine. I biked today and it went well. No pain. So I am thrilled about that. I haven’t walked on it extensively or run yet. I’ve been a bit out of commission with the flu here lately for the last month. Kids have all been sick and I have been sicker than a dog. I think I’m coming out of it now. But man it’s been brutal. It will be interesting to see how the foot does when I go for a short run.

I went to Vegas this past weekend with a girlfriend and had a great time. We went to see Celine Dion before her show ends in December. But can you believe it — She was sick so the show was canceled. Apparently she is sick a lot. Caesar’s Palace is none too happy with her. At breakfast at the Bellagio we saw her husband and “French speaking guests” that looked like family. I’m thinking she wasn’t sick but maybe was just taking some time off to be with family? We went and saw the show Ka instead by Circ de Soliel. And we went and saw Mamma Mia which is the musical of Abba songs. It was very cute. I dreamed about those songs for the next two nights. And the spandex. Good lord. And we did spa treatments. That was lovely. I want to work just so I can do spa treatments.

In other news, my sister adopted a baby girl. So I am a new auntie! I also traveled for that. I was with her for a weekend while the paperwork was being processed. It was a grueling trip in a lot of ways. We met the birth parents and it was just “hard” to see their pain. It’s such a contrast in adoption… to feel so much joy but be surrounded by so much pain at the same time. It’s difficult.

We are getting ready to go to Florida in a few weeks. We are going to spend a few weeks down there with family and then go to Disney for a week. I am really looking forward to the trip. I hope it’s nice and warm down there!

Kids are all doing fine. We’ve been battling the flu but everyone seems to be on the upswing. Here’s a picture of me and the girls that came out great from Sept.

Patio construction is moving along. I think we are pretty much “done” with it till spring now. It’s a slow long process now that we are doing it ourselves, but the rock looks fantastic. I’m very happy with it and I can’t wait to get to use my new outdoor sanctuary.
Im sort of back in a reading phase right now. Reading a few books on Taoism and Buddism. Always thought provoking… but I don’t feel as engaged with it as I normally do.

Anyway… that’s the update. To set expectations, my posts here will be VERY sporadic. Sorry I can’t promise anything regular!

Ok. So I ran 4 miles on Saturday with LOTS of hills. I did over 2000 feet of elevation. My legs (quads) were sore yesterday. I had hubby rub them down. Today I did a 13 mile bike ride. And let me just say… biking isn’t fun when your quads are sore!

Training is going ok. I have 27 days till the Triathlaon. So this is the final push phase for me. So I’ll do a build and then a long taper. I’ll continue to do “mini-workouts” of 20-30 mins the first few days and then about a week before I’ll just take the week off.

When I was running the other day, I saw a bird scrounging for food. Then he just stopped and puffed his breast out and closed his eyes in the sunlight. I felt like it was a metaphor for me and my life. The bird wasn’t focused solely on his task at the expense of enjoying what is around him. He was able to stop and savor the beautiful sunshine. Im going to do more of that. Just so happens I was walking UP a hill when I saw that. If I had been running, I might have missed it. Ha. I can rationalize anything.

The biggest test of my endurance is working. Fitting in 4 hours a day on top of an hour and half of training and my commitment to spend an average of 2 hours a day completely immersed with the kids. Then of course there is the patio project.

Oh dear friends, the patio project has been sooooo trying. I don’t even know where to begin. Our Landscape Artictect was a complete bitch. I didn’t like her at all. I would say things like “please put concrete in this area” and she would ignore me and do her own “design”. Then I would ask her again, and she would do something else different to show me. Each time, charging me for her time.

Then the contractor is very sweet but he’s young and has had a few missteps along the way. The biggest misstep was changing how we were going to construct the sitwalls from concrete block to pouring them. Which costs about double I figure. Add to that he didn’t put the sleeves into the concrete so we have to run more wire around the concrete, I had to project manage a lot of the project because he wasn’t here and various other small communication missteps, and it’s just added up to one big headache.

He also put all his eggs in one basket with this one mason. Well this guy came out and his quote was 18K more then what the General contractor gave us in bid. So we had to stop everything and regroup. Obviously, we aren’t going to add that 18K on top of the increased concrete costs.

So now we are looking at doing part of this project ourselves. We are going to build our own fireplace and bbq island. We are going to put our own rock on the sitwalls. I’m including a picture. It’s not much to look at yet…but it will be.

Having the kids home this summer has been awesome. We have had so much fun. I love the age they are now. They are not driving me crazy. I am present and savoring the time with them. Even with work — it’s going great because I’m really making time for quality time every day. This is the first time in my life I can say that I am completely present with my children. Im not wishing away the time, I’m not hoping for free time, I’m not thinking about what I should be doing differently. Im just here enjoying it. They did one week of camp and it was fun for them… but if you ask them, they would rather be home then at camp. So I think we are just going to do one week more. We’ll see. What I like about camp is the dailiy activity level.

I’m in the process of planning a trip to Disney in November. Also going to head down to the house in Florida. This is my 40th birthday. I have to tell ya I don’t even care. I’d like to go get more “skin” taken off as a present to myself. But I don’t think I’ll have time to do that for awhile. Maybe in the winter?

Wednesday our In country Adoption Facilitator is meeting us for breakfast. It’s a rare treat to get to spend time with Kazakh peoples! Let alone our adoption facilitator. We are really looking forward to that.

Wednesday night I’m scrapbooking with some friends. I need to get on the stick and get some pictures printed out.

Ok… that’s the basic update….

My kids are into Webkins right now. They are beanie baby type stuffed animals that have a passcode that you use online and then “take care of them” in a virtual world where you earn points for their care, can decorate their house, and talk in a drop down menu protected chat.

We are going to Florida in November. Visiting the parental units and other people we call family and going to Disney.

Our patio project has run over budget. Do I cancel vacation to put towards our debt or do I say screw it and go make memories? Guess which way I am leaning?

Of course we could save money on that vacation by not staying on Disney property. Heh. Horrors.

Job is going well. 20 hours a week is a lot. Laugh all you want but I am not used to it.

Tri training is going ok. I was sick and today got back into it. Got up early. Rode my bike. Felt like crap. Was slower then I’ve been in weeks. Felt like I was going to die on hills. Hopefully it’s just my body recovering from illness.

Hey… it’s only like a month till the Tri. YIPEEE.

Patio project is still waiting on the mason. I should have never hired a general contractor. He’s pretty much been worthless. Nice guy… like him as a person. But the project is over budget, was not completed on time and has multiple issues. So honestly… I dont feel like it made my life any easier. And BTW… do you know how much stainless steel doors are for outdoor kitchens? Good Lord.

It’s supposed to be cloudy for the next couple of days here. If I can pull my kids in from playing outside I think I might try to get them to scrapbook with me. I love the idea of having some pages that they have made.

I have one more iron infusion this week. I have more energy and am sleeping better.

One of my new favorite shows to watch is: Man versus Wild. Have you seen it? It’s a survival show. Discovery Channel. I’d so die out in the wilderness.

Im working. Life is busy.
20 hours a week doesn’t sound like much but it’s greatly impacted my free time.
But Im still training - ya me!
I ran today and it was so freaking hot. I was miserable.
Im feeling more motivated again.
Iron was low. Am getting infusions again. Another one tomorrow. Maybe low iron was why I lost my mojo.
Construction continues.
Patio is gorgeous… what is done.
I am zen about how freaking long it’s taking.
I will be blissfully happy if it’s done by August first.
I am not zen about how they are over budget.
Kids are in camp this week and loving it.
I miss them.
I’m at my lowest body fat % ever in my life.
My sister had surgery today. I’m anxious to talk to her tomorrow.

Deep breaths. I took a part time job. It’s a job working for a major company in the Pacific NW. It is working from home. It’s a job I really think will come easily to me and not be too much stress. I am working for someone who used to work for me and I work very well with. He’s very easy going and a no-bullshit kinda guy so there is no tiptoeing around. Truthfully, I don’t think I would have taken the job if he wasn’t my boss. A big perk of the job is knowing I have a good boss. A good boss makes all the difference doesn’t it?

I don’t have any real fear that I can’t do the job. I just have fear about time management and my ability to do the job “good enough” versus be an over achiever. If I do just what they want and not do a bunch of extra hours for free.. it will be great. There is a billing cap per week so my concern is maybe this job might be more then what they think… especially to do it right. But I need to do it THEIR way not my way. Give up the perfection quest.

I could give you some bullshit story about how I took this job for the achievement and being involved with adults. How its going to be so fulfilling. How it’s working on an area that is my hobby and I’m passionate about. But truth is… it’s the money. Put me up working versus the option of lunching with my friends and I’ll take lunching every time. I just think even if I do this for only six months, it will be a great kick in the pants for our savings and paying off the home equity loan we just took out for the new patio.

Now every time I go shopping I’ll compute what I want into the per hour figure. Is buying that purse worth 6 hours of work? Or perhaps I will justify it by the old adage “I’m working I deserve it”. If I’m lucky my new patio and its attached home equity loan will flash in front of my eyes.

Speaking of the new patio, they finished demolishing the back yard. Tomorrow they do grading. They’ll pour the footers on Friday. Let’s pray for lots of sunshine the following week so they can do the concrete. And lets all pray the Mason has time in schedule to start shortly there after!

I was reading a book the other day and the following quote really spoke to me:
“Have you ever met a perfectionist who has peace?”

I think that is my quest this year. To find peace that comes with giving up on the idea of perfection. It will be hard, but I am going to try.

Tomorrow construction starts on our new patio. The whole process already has been wrought with compromise. It’s been a good reminder to me just how whacky people can be. And I have had to find peace with the idea that I must trust folks who I do not know with a large sum of money to do what I expect. And yet I know they really don’t understand what I expect completely. But they keep assuring me it will all work out ok. I’m not so sure.

This week is the last week before school is out. So I am hoping that I can get a lot done. However its already quite booked up with several end of the year parties, planning and shopping for my son’s birthday party on Sunday, several PTA meetings, construction issues and of course Tri-training. I also am in the final negotiations with my employer for a part time job. And I just have this sinking feeling that it’s all going to happen right as the kids are out of school and I’m a slight bit worried about fitting that all in. And of course I am training for the Tri too about 7 hours a week. And did I mention I’m fighting a cold right now? Yes… life is fun.

I can do all these things, the question is whether I can do them at the level I want to do them. I am pretty sure I can not. So the key for me is going to be to prioritize them. I simply am going to have to give up the quest for perfection and be happy with adequate in several cases. You know, like I have with blog posting. Ha.

Where I am not willing to sacrifice is time with my kids. There are things I want to do with them this summer and I will give up other stuff to make that happen. I mean really just look how cute they are? How fast they are growing. Time is valuable and fleeting. I must spend the resource wisely.

favoritedesign.pdf

Above is a link to the new patio. It has stairs down to each room. Note the “sit walls” in the design. Our landscape architect doesn’t want to use stone veneer on those walls. I do. Real stone, which we priced this weekend, is freaking EXPENSIVE. I could possibly go with the real stone if I General Contracted this thing myself. However since I dont know what is happening with the job situation, I dont know if I can/should take that on right now with so much up in the air.

Decisions we have made thus far:
We want a gas fireplace.
We want to have stones around the outside of the Fireplace for a more “camp” feel on the other side of the patio.
We are going to go with acid stained concrete for the flooring.

Things that need decided:
Countertops made out of?
Shorten the waterfall?
Remove some of the sit walls to save $$?
Just use stone as an accent?
Concrete Paver type blocks instead of stone?
Grill brand?
Sink in the countertop?
Fridge?
Third tier needs concrete extended to the end of the house or simply do plantings?

I’m doing good workout wise this week. I dont see much improvement in my times but I dont feel like the fatigue is killing me! Yipee That is progress my friends.

Yesterday did a 23 mile bike ride. I forgot my sunglasses and had to go back up my hill to get them. I’ve NEVER made it up my hill on the bike. I did yesterday. Guess the hill is easier at the beginning of my ride! It was a great confidence booster.

Today I swam. We had Dinara’s two friends with us so I was interupted a lot. But I did 1000m and did lots of drills. All good.

Tomorrow could be a rest day. I’m busy busy busy tomorrow. Maybe I can do a run in the evening.

In an effort to post more regularly, I am trying to post more regularly. Ha!

We are trying to get the plans done on our new backyard patio. We are doing this incredible three tiered patio out of concrete… with a water feature, outdoor kitchen and fireplace. This weekend we went and looked at stone. You would think rocks would be pretty inexpensive because you know… they are rocks. But au contraire! Rocks are way expensive! And putting them in is highly labor intensive. So we are in the selecting materials part of the process. We are working with a General Contractor and a Landscape Architect. The most frustrating part of this process is that a lot of the process is simply hurry up and wait. They both assure me that we are on schedule and not to worry. But I am worried.

Last week was Staff Appreciation Week. I love showing gratitude to our schools staff but I will admit by the end of it I just wanted it to be over. We gave gifts by theme.

Monday was “You Are My Sunshine” day. We gave teachers gifts related to spring and summer. Kids wore tropical clothing.
Tuesday was “We have a Cooking Staff” day. We gave the teachers kitchen stuff or homemade treats. Kids wore chef hats and aprons.
Wednesday was “I know you” day. Kids wore their teacher’s favorite color, sports team, or something else that they knew was a favorite. Gifts reflected something they would enjoy.
Thursday was Sweet Talk Day. Kids were encouraged to use their words and tell their teachers what they love about them. And bring them in a candy. Like “you are a JOY” and give them an Almond Joy. Or “You deserve a big PAYDAY” and give them a payday candy bar or “You are worth a MINT” and give them some mints.
Friday was “Kick Back and Relax” day and the kids wore Jammies. Teachers got gifts that reflected relaxation. Everything from bath and body works, to itunes gift cards, to magazines to teas.

The staff Appreciation committee also made our teachers a catered lunch of Chicken Scaloppini with artichokes and pine nuts with pasta. And we made homemade butter cakes with chocolate cream cheese frosting for them to take home on Friday.

Im pooped!

Today I ran. 50 minutes. Hillwork. It was not fun. I did not enjoy it. But I am determined to build up some more leg strength. I need stronger legs to haul this big body around.

I also got my blood work back today. I’m dehydrated. And my BUN/Creatine ratio is way way high. I’m not sure why exactly. Might just be the dehydration. I’m having a hard time nailing hydration with the exercise. It just doesn’t take much to put me out of whack. Most normal people can exercise for an hour and not really have to worry about drinking. I have found that I really can’t go more then 30 minutes. And my bloodwork sort of confirmed that. Another interesting thing in my bloodwork was that my Ferritin iron stores are now in the 80’s. After my iron infusions in Nov my levels were over 200. So my body is burning through my iron stores. Looks like it’s around 20 per month. Which would mean I would burn through everything right around the time of the Tri. Gah. I am not going to have time to do infusions right before the Tri. I’m going to need to figure this out. I guess I’ll fax my results to my hematologist and see what she says.

In other news, my mom is back from a cruise (with my father who has dementia) and hasn’t called me. I called her yesterday and she was on her way out. And she didn’t call me back. I’m a bit irritated and hurt by this. Why wouldn’t she call? It really makes me think something is going on. My mom hasn’t been the same since her mom died. Maybe it’s depression.

No news on the job front. The group that is hiring me is reorging. I have no idea if, when, where, what, or anything of that job. Which makes planning my summer really difficult. If I am working, I need my kids to be in camp. If I am not working, I’d rather have them home. I have to sign up for camp now. So I guess I have to bite the bullet and just make a call.

For mother’s day hubby got me a subscription to Massage Envy. I’m going to get to go have regularly monthly massages!!! And I can get additional hour massages for only $39. I love my husband.

Speaking of husband, he’s lost 40 lbs and now is below 200 lbs!!! Im so proud of him!!! I’m going to get a babysitter and take him clothes shopping. He deserves it.

Ok… that’s the quick and dirty recap…. Onward!

Well… Im not doing too well on the blogging thing. Life is just really busy and I dont feel compelled to document it. Next week is Staff Appreciation Week and that is sort of got my focus right now.

Training is going very well. I dialed it back a bit and feel much better. I am going today to have the doctor check my bloodwork just to make sure it really is simply over exertion not anemia again.

I did 1000m in the pool yesterday. Did a 50m time trial (50 meters in one minute) and my time didn’t increase. That sort of bummed me out because I felt like I was cutting through the water really well. I am having my stroke analyzed next week. I ran 4 miles this past weekend and did all the hills without stopping. That was a big deal. I was very pleased about that. Bike wise I think I need to put a HRM on because I think I am just not working hard enough. But it’s all good. I can see progress. Even if it’s not at the rate I’d like it to be.

Not lost ANY weight at all… but have lost an inch and half off my waist. So I guess something is happening. The most important thing is that I am enjoying the training. I really like the multisport training. It keeps me challenged and engaged. I do not get bored with it. It’s complex. And fun.

The part time job thing is still in negotiations. I dont know if it’s going to happen or not. I’m fine with however it works out. It will be less stressful for me if I don’t have another part time job… but I’d love to have the extra money.

Gotta run… just wanted to post Im still alive.

I am tired. I mean like REALLY tired. Today is a rest day for me. Here’s what my workouts have been so you can see that even though I’ve been a blogger slacker, I am still sticking to my training plan:

4/12 ran 3.63 miles
4/13 rest day
4/14 swim 900 m
4/15 bike 12 miles
4/16 run 3.6 miles
4/17 bike 20 miles
4/18 swim 850m
4/19 rest day

I’m almost ready to start doing brick workouts. That’s where I will ride my bike then get off and attempt to run a couple miles. The term brick comes from the way your legs feel. Like bricks. Heh. I feel I need another good week on the bike. I still am having trouble with the gears. I’m a slow learner. And I need to go get big girl clipin shoes. Then I need to start training to ride faster then 12 -14mph. I would really like to ride at like 18-20mph average. I figure I need the extra time for the run. Running is so not my strength - even though I enjoy the challenge of it.

I think I have figured out the hydration issue. Turns out its not how much water I drink but rather if my body is able to use it. Those electrolyte drinks have helped ALOT. So has upping my salt intake. Go figure.

Oh and I think I found a TriSuit that fits that doesn’t make me look too fat. (I use the words *too fat* in a kind and gentle way. heh) The assumption is that people who are doing Triathlons are not fat and have good bodies. And obviously, they all want to show them off. Having extra material weighs more and creates drag. So… even if I want to cover up… it reduces performance. So my fear of flapping skin is out ranked by fear of going even slower then I already am. So I am going to *gasp* bare my arms and hope that I am going fast enough that no one really gapes at my batwings. I’ll be a fashionable amazon girl. I will post pictures from the race. So you guys can just eagerly anticipate that moment.

Im still in negotiations for the part job thing. Looks like that will happen. So there will be 20 hours of my week that I no longer have as my own. Blogging will become even more sporadic. Especially while I ramp up. I can’t expect to add things into the pot without taking things away. Or maybe I’ll just let it languish and only post when the spirit moves me. Oh wait…. that’s sort of what i do now isn’t it?

Someone needs to come train my puppy. He has bad manners and I dont have time to do it.

Im now Co-PTA president for next year. No biggie except now I have that job gig. I’m slightly worried about the amount of work that is currently looming but I am comforting myself with the “you are just a volunteer” voice in my head. Shoot me now.

I’m irked about how the media keeps talking about the VT Shooter and referring to his nationality. Like that really matters? How about tell us the facts that are really important like “he was mentally ill”. What color his skin is or what culture he is from makes no difference. We are the “human race”. Lets spend a lot more time focusing on what makes us the same instead of what makes us different!!!

My favorite TV show is now “The Riches” on FX. Catch it from the beginning when they do a marathon. It’s awesome.

For dinner tonight is Chicken Scaloppine with a Lemon Artichoke and Caper Sauce. YUM!

I have countless things I need to be doing. But I keep getting drawn back to the Internet. Blech.
Here’s my todo list:

Staff Appreciation Luncheon Signup Email for the quarter
Plan said quarter before sending out the email
Plan Staff Appreciation week which involves coordinating lots of little details to show gratitude
Do 4 loads of laundry
Do 2 playdates this afternoon
Bake a bazillion cakes for Emmas sleepover cake decorating party
Buy snacks
Email sister about her upcoming visit
Take Emma to go buy her dance recital outfit
Out of foundation - need to run to Nordies
Swimming 1000m on tap for tonight - then dinner out with friends
Write up welcome email for the incoming Board
Return security checks
Need clip bike shoes
Touch base with Dinara’s Math tutor
Touch base about the new job (more on that later)
Verify with accountant business tax implications
Touch base with landscape architect and find out what is going on
Email Elke about the pool

I guess I have some sort of virus. IT SUCKS! The biggest symptom? Pervasive fatigue. I am talking about muscle aches like there is no tomorrow. Slightly sinusy. Hurts to even raise my arms above my head kinda tired. It needs to GO AWAY NOW. I didn’t work out yesterday or today. And I doubt Im going to do my swim tonight. This thing is bringing me down.

Enough about that. The only thing worse then having weakness is talking about it.

Interesting talk today about what you say to yourself when you are running or biking and you feel like you can’t go on any more. I’m reading about all these athletes who say all these positive things to themselves. Me… I say “hmmm. Let’s stop this”. I’m seeing how my mindset doesn’t match up with real athletes. I need to mirror their “go get ‘em you can do anything” attitude. I’ve always had an attitude problem though. My father has told me that since I was 10. What makes me think Im going to change now at 39? (I almost said 40… but i have a few more months in my thirties….)

Actually an interesting mindset a lot of them have is to be like “oh… there you are pain… I recognize you”. Sorta to know it’s coming. Accept it and then when it happens you can live with it. And then just shut up and deal with it. I sort of do that with my life. I dont know if I can do that with physical pain. Of course I think that assumes that a major part of the problem is a surprise it showed up… honestly that is not my problem. I expect it. Its not an expectation problem. It’s a PAIN problem. And I can make it stop by stopping. So why not?

Because in my head I believe with all my heart and soul that pain and learning to process through it will make you a stronger person.

No really.

Feel free to remind me of this belief.

It’s beautiful outside and I am not out there enjoying it. I am feeling under the weather most likely because I over trained and I am kicking myself BIG TIME for it. I am either feeling the effects of over training or I am coming down with something. I ache all over. Have had chills. Muscle twitchings. But no other symptoms. (slightly stuffy but I’ve been stuffy all winter).

Anyway… enough of that. My weakness is irking me.

Noah is very sick. He’s been running a high fever. It’s not been our year for illness this winter. I wonder what changed? The past few years we have been quite healthy.

I went shopping at Walmart last night and I honestly can not get over the price differences on food. Kashi Bars (love the Flax!) which are only 2 points for WW, were only 2.89 a box. In my grocery store, they are over $4 a box. The lowest I can get them on sale is 3.89. I also got my soy/sunflower salad topping for only a buck a bottle. (McCormicks!) My $5 box of cereal was only $3. I guess it might be worth it for me to truck down to the Wally World once and awhile.

Did I mention it’s beautifully sunny today? *sigh*

Today is Emma’s 10th birthday. She got a new computer and a bra. Those were the big highlights.

Nothing much else going on here. Kids are home for spring break and we are stuck in the house because Noah’s so sick.

I did a 4 mile run (with hills!) and a half mile swim yesterday. I am spent today. Today is a rest day. I am going to go buy my bike. What I want to do is take a nap but that isn’t going to happen today.

I wish I could write something coherent, but I am just not into writing. I have lots of thoughts going on, but they are going to have to wait till I don’t feel so foggy.

Wow. It’s Saturday already. This week flew by.

My life is currently in a planning mode. I need to spend some serious time thinking about what I want to accomplish in the coming months. Things have “crystallized” in the last week and now I need to spend some time to plan.

We are thinking about doing Hawaii in November again. This time with the kids. So I need to research and find a place that is not over the top expensive for a family of five. Usually we get adjoining rooms, but I am thinking now that the kids are older and stay up a bit later, we might try to find a place that allows five people in one room and just get a bigger room. If anyone has any Hawaii vacation suggestions, Im open. I’m looking for a place on the beach, with a gentle surf, turtles, snorkeling and a waterpark type atmosphere. Kids program is a plus.

We are also going to probably go on vacation with friends in February to Mexico. Friends of ours have a timeshare and they are going to trade us their condo for a week at our house in Florida. So I need to plan that too.

Next year is the year we were supposed to go to Greece with our family too. So there is a chance that could get scheduled for summer 2008.

It’s also my 40th birthday this year. Should I make the Hawaii trip my “birthday present” or should I plan something else with friends? The biggest problem I have with going on a friends trip is that most of my friends have childcare issues. I mean at this age, we are just tied down with kids. Especially one friend who’s husband works all the time. She would have to almost hire a nanny to be able to go. I dunno… maybe I should just have Calafornia Closets come in and do my closet for my birthday.

We are also putting in a big deck in our back yard and I need to find a landscape architect to design it and then bid it out. I need to start that process asap. We are going with concrete and cultured stone. Do we want a firepit? Do we want a fireplace? Do we want to run a natural gas line out to the grill? I would like to have this project finished by June 30th. I don’t even know if that is possible. It’s not going to be possible if I don’t start on it this week.

I am being nominated to be co-president of the PTSA next year. I took this year off from the Board and it was great to have the break. But I’m ready to give my leadership in a meaningful way again. I’m sure by this time next year I will be certifiable. I need to plan out objectives and goals for that so that I am not overly pressured this summer.

One thing is obvious to me this year, managing the house is a job that takes more time then I realize. I think to be “happy” next year I am going to have to actually plan my “work hours” for that job or I will go insane. I am giving up a lot of flexibility by adding in the PTSA stuff. This is also going to impact my social calendar too. I go out to lunch with friends several times a week…. and I dont think Im going to be able to do that as much.

I signed up to do the Danskin Triathlon in August. So I need to buy a bike. I also need to figure out what the heck people who aren’t a size 2 wear when they do this thing. Im assuming you don’t change? Maybe I can buy a swimsuit with legs? I like that the Tri is going to focus my training over the next few months on “overall fitness” versus just running. I think doing a Tri for my 40th year will be kind of cool. So I need to spend some time planning out that.

I also have decided that I want to get more skin removed. It’s been a year on my fitness regimen and I dropped 20 lbs. However I don’t look different. Also, because of the upper ab skin, the ratio between my waist and hips is all out of whack and it’s hard to get pants to fit right. I made this decision to do this before I committed to all this other stuff though, and I just don’t think I can fit it in with training for the Tri. Since I *know* that I have to accommodate a longer training schedule then the normal person… I do not think I should shorten things by inserting a surgery into there. So now I am thinking I will put off my surgery till 2008. Plus, this will give me time to see how my body maintains it’s iron stores without blood loss. Which should be interesting. It will tell me if I am looking at a lifetime of annual iron infusions. I would love to get my thighs done too but I am a chicken to do it. Thighs take so long to heal….

Anyway thats all the stuff that is rumbling around in my head. I must be feeling some pressure because I want to take this weekend and declutter. That decluttering bug always hits me when I feel a bit out of control. Least I don’t binge eat when I feel out of control anymore right?

Have a good weekend everyone!

Here’s my day.

7:15 Awake
Coffee
Carpool
Dropped kids off at school
Ran three miles
Picked up the house
Showered
Talked to friend about parenting styles
Fed and Pooped Puppy
Picked up another friend to go to birthday lunch
Birthday Lunch at Trader Vics
Browsing at Crate and Barrell
Great talk with friend about compulsive eating
Home to get kids after school
Helped daughter with homework
Spoke to brokerage about account review
2 1/2 hour phone conversation with sister on east coast
Out to dinner with family
Registered *gulp* for the Danskin Tri in August
Returned 20+ emails
8:35 pm Blogged

I have a great life don’t I?

We are finally on the “upswing” here health wise. What sweet relief! The weather lifted a bit today too and the sunshine sort of is reflecting the lighter sides of my mood.

I took the kids to go see Bridge to Terabithia this afternoon. It was a great movie. It really touched me and reminded me what childhood was like for me. This would be the childhood I had before I was raped. The movie reminded me of the innocence before I had to live in the shadow of brutality and ongoing mental torture. It’s funny how we forget the good and focus on the bad. Why is it that the bad is so much more memorable?

This movie made me remember the childhood when I used my imagination to soothe me instead of self medicating myself with food. The childhood when I used secret places to escape into instead of spending my time simply trying to escape secrets. The childhood I knew before I knew what loss was and abandonment… when I realized that friendship was going to be more of a pillar of strength for me then parental support. It reminded me of the childhood when I made every problem into an adventure to be shared with my friend. The movie was my bridge to the Terabithia of my childhood that were dusty in the corners of my mind. It was sweet to access them again.

Several people have commented that the movie is too much of a downer for kids. But I think it’s a powerful movie with a strong message that loss doesn’t have to suck you under. As a parent, I want my children to see that modeled in many different ways – in our daily life, in movies, in literature and what have you. I want them to know that resilience is the gift that comes from recognizing that loving can help to make you whole – even after loss. I don’t think avoiding dealing with those feelings when children watch this movie is a good strategy. For this reason, I happen to think it’s a great family movie. Especially for kids over the age of 5 who can grasp the permanence of death. And of course, there are so many other “minor lessons” interspersed in the movie… there are just many opportunities to walk away enriched.

Did my 6 year old get the lessons I hoped from the movie? No. He came away with the idea of “co-imagining places” and girls can beat boys at running. We’ll take that. Did my 8 year old get these things from the movie? No. She came away with that you don’t swing on old ropes and in your imagination sometimes your enemies can be your friend. Not bad for eight. Did my almost 10 year old grasp the same complexities as me? She came away with the idea that your imagination is powerful and to be more tolerant of people you don’t like. Score a few points for the eldest. All in all, I’m pretty impressed. I think the kids insights are just as powerful as the 39 year olds insights.

Ouch. You can not open the sliding glass door with your head like you can the doggie door. Pushing on it repeatedly with your head makes no difference. Doggie door and sliding door are different even though they look exactly the same. Go figure.

Dinner tonight: Skewered prawns and scallops with Soy Ginger Sauce and Saffron Rice.
Listening to: Corrine Bailey Rae
Still need to: Go pick up Dinara from a playdate
Hoping that: Emma isn’t coming down with the stomach bug going around.
Grateful that: The puppy seems to be picking up the hang of pottying outside.
Hoping to run: Tonight
On tap for tomorrow: A huge Costco run
Glad it’s over: The second grade Valentines Party
Glad I got to do it: Valentines Lunch with hubby
Thinking about: Decluttering my closet, planning desk and kitchen.
Need to: Go buy some gifts
Am looking forward to: My son going to bed early tonight.

Im tired but realize I haven’t posted so here’s a quick laundry list of my life:

1. Puppy is home.
2. Puppy is cute.
3. Puppy is a helluva a lot of work.
4. I’m sick.
5. I haven’t run or worked out in a week.
6. I wish I could run or work out but feel sapped.
7. My upcoming week is much busier then I would like.
8. When I feel better I’ll post puppy video.
9. Im going to bed now.
10. Hope Denali sleeps through the night tonight