Extraordinary Mundane

My son sings on the pot … complete with sound effects.

Buying my daughter a video camera for Christmas has given us some priceless video footage folks.

My son is exasperated by how much air time that song BUBBLY is getting on the radio - and how much his sisters love it. The other day in the car he chided his sisters who were singing it loudly: “Ok, Ok! We get it. It starts in your toes and ends in your nose. Over and over - you just keep singing it! Do you even know what that means?!?! This makes no sense! Why would girls sing about feelings in their nose & toes?! That has got to be the most girly song EVER!!!”

Dinara to family in the car: What kind of animal do you like?

Emma: A bunny
Me: A puppy
Dinara: (answering her own question) Ooohh. A puppy yes! me too!
Daddy: A lion

Noah: (completely dead-panned) Barbequed

In his defense, he was hungry.

So why is it that when you are upset with one kid, the other kid can’t understand the concept of “low profile?” That they need to simply back off. There is nothing to be gained from crossing a grumpy mommy?

I’m having a “discussion” with my youngest. He’s crying. I’m angry. His sisters are present to see the disagreement erupt and then escalate.

Cut to the TV which is on Animal Planet. There are gazelles that are trying to cross a crocodile infested river. First gazelle goes across and gets eaten in an angry and messy display of carnage. There is no rationalizing with the crocodiles. There is only one solution. Avoid the river. However, do the other gazelles then think to “stay out of the river?” No. They go in. One after another. Seemingly amnesic that what happened to their fellow gazelle could certainly be their own fate since they are choosing the exact same route!

Cut back to my children. The middle one starts in right after I’m done yelling at her brother. Taking the same route he did. Oblivious to the water swirling around her. I haven’t had my coffee yet. I am grumpy. My words can have sharp teeth when I am not patient!

The river is still filled with crocodiles child. Why are you venturing here? Give me wide berth.

Then the eldest starts in with “her thing”. Right after I’m done yelling at her brother and sister. Can she not see the water is red? Is she not more evolved then the lowly gazelle? Does she really think that the croc is going to simply avoid snapping at her because she’s the next gazelle? Does she think she is different?

She said she thought the croc might be full by now.

Funny kid.

I’ve been dealing with some personal discomfort the past couple weeks that I know I need to have medical intervention. This physical discomfort brought me to my knees with regards to dealing with pain. I realized (after the fact) that I fell right back into using food to soothe me.

As I “piece apart” what happened and how I lost control of my eating yet again, I realize that all my coping skills are not good when used in the extreme. Coping skills really are best used like a narcotic. Used to “dull the pain” but not applied so liberally that they mask everything and risk brining on future problems. The coping skills in and of themselves could easily become a compulsion if not applied in a thoughtful, balanced way. Also, it is better to layer multiple coping skills for real effectiveness then to rely on just one. Using a couple brings better results that tend to last a bit longer. Sort of like layering Motrin and Tylenol when your kid has a fever.

Here are the ways I tend to cope with extreme stress:

1. I detach from whomever or whatever is bothering me. Actually since I have been focusing more on “feeling things” versus just “thinking things” this has been a bit more difficult. Hard to detach when your focus is on feelings.

2. I self medicate with food. Now I find the only time that is really difficult for me to control my eating disorder is when I am physically uncomfortable. Like recently my tooth bothered me and I found myself practicing mindless eating. I didn’t realize it till later but I was trying to self medicate my pain with the glorious carbo rush.

3. I self medicate with sex. Unfortunately for my husband, I don’t practice this one much anymore.

4. I distract myself with drama. I will hyper focus on one part of the problem, or one person and use that as something to distract myself from feeling. Anger is easier for me then emotional pain. I used to be pretty confrontational and create a personal drama. Now I like to think of myself more evolved. I am much more likely to use a “situational drama” versus a personal drama as a distraction. For example, instead of being angry at my friend, I will hyper focus on how my mom isn’t taking care of herself and try to focus on fixes for that ‘problem’ instead of the person.

5. I self mediate with purchasing. Ahhh the wonder of retail therapy. I still do this. I love the rush of buying things. I got this one under control after the birth of our daughter and I climbed out of debt. But I find myself even

6. I will clear my head with exercise. I tend now to like running best. I can think about a problem and search out metaphors for solving things during my runs. I also love doing mindless cardio too to lessen anxiety.

7. I will resort to an OCD type project. Like cleaning out the closet or junk drawer. Or cleaning my house. This is something that I will do when I am especially upset about something that is completely outside my control: like death or someone in the hospital.

8. Escapism. I will withdraw from everyone and simply escape. I will cocoon myself in my sanctuary, or I will practice a more literal escape mechanism like reading or going to the movies. When I am in pain I do not usually have the emotional fortitude to explain it to someone or reach out.

9. I will meditate and pray. I don’t practice this one as much as I should. In a throw back to my Christian upbringing, I can hear echoes of my pastor telling me how God is actually more impressed when we pray when it’s not so easy… ie. When we don’t need something. So since I’m not praying enough simply for his glory… I feel a bit guilty praying when I want something. And my daily meditation practice hasn’t been happening as of late.

10. Talking to friends. Actually this one is a bit hard for me too. When I am needy, I am just not good asking for help. I am much more likely to simply detach and deal with it myself. However when this does happen, I usually do feel a bit better – especially if I can fully engage and not be worried about how the other person is taking in the info.

Anyone else have any good coping skills for dealing with stress?

When they ask you where you went for summer vacation what are you going to tell them?

Noah: We went to NYC and SmellUs Island!

My five year old son launched into a big discussion at dinner tonight about what would happen if the earth caught on fire. His father told him that wasn’t possible because look how much water was on the earth and could that much water really catch on fire? Noah then explained to him that there could be a really big comet that pushes the earth into the sun and then it would indeed catch on fire.

Well there ya go. The five year old is smarter then the 43 year old.

I love driving my kids to school in the morning. We have some our most interesting talks during that drive. I feel like they are often really “listening” too. We’ve talked about everything from manners to God to what do you want to be when you grow up.

This morning Dinara was acting silly. She was making her stuffed dog talk to her stuffed giraffe. Then she made her stuffed dog sing this song to the thing called pony/donkey that’s really a giraffe:

Your name is Pretty Pony.
You aren’t very pretty.
And you aren’t a pony either.

It must be sad to be a giraffe that is so misunderstood.
A sad giraffe, that people call a pony, but isn’t a donkey.
You poor baby.
You poor baby.

While reading the box of Life Cereal this morning:

Emma: It says it helps you get up and go…. Does that mean this cereal helps you to go to the bathroom or what?

Noah brought home a story they had to fill in at Kindergarten today. His was so funny, I just had to share it. I am going to bold his responses to the story…

My alligator’s name is Joan.
My alligator lives in a houe
My alligator eats garbige
My alligator likes to play xbox
My alligator does not like the toylet

Today we were looking at pictures of the cruise ship. Emma remarked the rooms sort of looked small… like on the Titanic. And then she burst into tears and said she wasn’t going.

Her father assured her there were no icebergs in the Gulf of Mexico.

On the plane Noah realized that they were serving some Dasani water. So when the stewardess asked him what he would like to drink he said I’ll have some of that salmon free water.

If you have no idea what I’m talking about, then click here and watch the tv advertisement with the bear.

My children are genuises I tell ya.
Today driving home from school the song “Beautiful Soul” was on the radio.

I don’t want another pretty face
I don’t want just anyone to hold
I don’t want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

4 year old Noah knew just what they were talking about!

Noah: Mommy I know what they are singing about.
Me: What?
Noah: Someone’s pretty feet.

There is quite a difference between boys and girls. Sometimes, it boggles my mind the differences in how each gender processes information. My girls, are all about drama. Everything has emotional overtones. They are emotional beings. Not so with my son. (Or my husband, but that’s another post all together).

I have a funny related observation from the Robots movie tonight.

So we are sitting in the movie theater, eating pizza. I’m on the aisle; Dinara is next to me, then Emma, then John, then Noah. Emma and John are up stuffing their faces getting seconds of pizza and salad. Noah is munching away happily on pizza. He stops. Looks at me. And smiles. Then he exclaims:

Noah: “You know if Dad and Emma died while getting their pizza, I’d be ok here all alone”.
Me: (trying to be all mommy intuitive and sensitive) “Noah, are you feeling alone two seats away from us? Would you like to come sit by me?”
Noah: (just the facts mom!) “No. I’m ok. I’m just thinking that I’d be ok if they died right now”.
Me: (again, striving to inject emotion into the situation) “Uh. Don’t you think you’d be a bit sad?”
Noah: (reminding me yet again he’s male) ”Maybe till the movie started”.

Emma while working on writing: Dad, I need you take off your parenting hat for a minute and put on your editing hat.

Noah to his sister: If you don’t stop talking to me your earring holes are going to close up for good!

Emma: I don’t really like my name.
Dinara: I like my name
Noah: Dinara, we should have named you “Anna”.
Emma: Why?
Noah: Because then we would have been: Emma Anna Noah.
Dinara: Then people wouldn’t have noticed me…. I would have just sounded like a middle word.

My three children just came bounding in from outside. They had only been outside less then 15 minutes. Noah, comes in… with something in his hand and exclaims: Look mom.. I found a baby mouse!

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!

That’s not a baby mouse. That’s a full grown mouse.

Luckily (?) it was dead.

Noah wanted to know how I knew it was dead.
Dinara wanted to know if we could do CPR.
Emma noted that rigor mortis had set in, so Mom was perhaps right, it was indeed dead.

They are now burying it in the front yard (so our dog doesn’t dig it up in the backyard) and Emma is going to make a RIP sign for “Squeaky”.

These are the memories I’m going to cherish one day right?

[I stumble down to the kitchen and start pouring my nectar of the Gods.]

Noah: Mom what are we going to do fun today?
Me: [yawn] [blank stare]
Dinara: She hasn’t had her coffee yet guys, leave her alone.
Emma: Mom are you faking this whole morning coffee loving thing?
Noah: She loves it with every fiber of her being.
[sic] Fiber of my being? Where did he get this?
Me: [taking a sip of coffee] No Noah, I love all of you guys with every fiber of my being.
Noah: [big smile] After you drink that tell me again.

Dinner time is always wrought with sometimes very funny discussions. I need to buy one of those digital voice recorders cause I never can remember everything. This was tonights “dish de jour alla Emma”.

Emma: I would like to be on TV.
Dinara: You aren’t TV material.
Emma: Yes I am.
Dinara: No Emma, you aren’t very nice sometimes. You need to be nicer to be on tv.
Me: Dinara kind of has a point Emma. You really don’t seem to have the disposition for it.
Emma: What does disposition mean?
Me: Attitude
Emma: I have attitude
Dinara: She means a good one.
Emma: Oh.
Me: You have to handle things graciously when they don’t go your way.

Cue time passing music.
A Few minutes past

Me to Noah: Noah what was his name?
Emma Interrupting: Micah
Me to Noah: Noah did you see him today?
Emma: No he wasn’t at school.
Me to Emma: Emma please! I’m not talking to you. I’m talking to Noah!!!
Emma: Ha! That was a test! Turns out you don’t have a TV disposition either.

Potty training never stops folks!

The set up: In the bathroom, door closed. Dinara knocks and opens the door and gives me a long explanation about how she wanted to put in different earrings. However now she’s changed her mind and she can’t get the earrings back in but she really wants them back in. Frustration abounds and I just sit there, a captive audience, listening to her plight.

Then a lightbulb goes off.

Her: Oh… are you going potty?

Me: Yeah. Maybe we could do this when I’m done?

Her: Ok. I guess me learning to not bother you when you are pooping is way more important then me learning how to put my earrings in.

One must savor these moments when your kids priorities match your own.

Noah: Mommy it’s Feb 1st.
Me: Yep.
Noah: The Father’s Visit Night is on Feb 3rd.
Me: You are right Noah.
Noah: Then Valentines Day is Feb 14th.
Me: Uh huh.
Noah: Do you know what Valentines Day is mom? It’s a day you show me how much you love me by giving me candy and stuff.
Me: Really?
Noah: Sure. But you can show me the love today if you want.

Today was Clash Day at school. Emma, my second grader, was up at 6:30 full of enthusiasm picking out her outfit. Dinara, our Kindergarten fashion plate was mortified that there was a day dedicated to schoolwide mismatched fashion.

Who would want to not wear clothes that match? Dinara looked at me with inquisitive angst.

Emma replied, “I do! It’s Clash Day Dinara. Go pick out your clothes!”

Dinara sighed. “I do not want to play this game. I don’t get it. Why would anyone want to go to school ugly?”

“Because it’s fun Dinara. And everyone is going to be doing it.” Emma said as she put on striped leggings and pulled a printed skort over them.

”Being ugly is not fun Emma. You should not want to be ugly just because everyone else is doing it. Popular girls are not ugly.”

Part of me rejoiced in her confidence in not following the crowd and conforming for conforming’s sake. The other part of me winced because she had already figured out in her short 6 months in school that popular girls are pretty.

In the morning on the way to school, the kids play a “Dog Point” game. We live in a city where lots of people walk their dogs. So on the drive, they collect “dog points” for every dog they see. Rules are spotty but as much as I can gather, you have to see a dog and someone else has to confirm it to get the point. Thus you won’t get points for phantom dogs. Although Emma has tested this rule many times but Judge Noah has held firm rulings that no ghost dogs are allowed.

Anyway.. this morning Noah was standing up for Dinara’s three point lead (Dog points sometimes accumulate day to day in case you were wondering.) and Emma was verbally abusing her brother for his judgments. So I stepped in.

Me: Emma - Noah is right, Dinara is winning.
Emma: This is a really stupid game.
Me: It’s not stupid, it’s just you are frustrated because you aren’t winning.
Emma: How do you know that?
Me: How do I know what?
Emma: That I’m mad because I’m not winning.
Me: Because I know you like winning.
Emma: It’s more that I don’t like losing mom.
Me: I like winning better too.
Emma: But I don’t like you knowing me so well.
Me: Sorry. We are a lot alike.
Emma: Can’t you understand me less?
Me: Can we tape record this conversation for when you are 14?

This was overheard while Dinara and Noah were admiring Emma’s new Boot for her leg.

Dinara: Why didn’t you get the pretty blue cast?
Emma: Because he didn’t offer it.
Dinara: This is nice too.
Emma: Yeah. It’s like wearing a big comfy blanket.
Noah: It’s hard on the bottom. (knocks on it for effect)
Emma: Yeah. There are screws in there ya know.
Dinara: Really?
Noah: How do you know?
Emma: I saw them on the Xray.
Noah: Yeah but how do you know for sure.
Emma: You mean how do I know it was my Xray?
Noah: Yeah.
Emma: Hmmmm. Go get a magnet and lets hold it up to my ankle and see if it sticks!
Noah: Great idea Emma!

Dinara: (in Kindergarten) Mom this boy keeps chasing me on the playground. He comes up and pushes me. I yell at him to stop but he doesn’t listen. Why does he keep doing this?

Me: (37 year old mom to three) He probably likes you and doesn’t know how to tell you that. Sometimes boys don’t know how to use their words to get attention and so they do stupid things to get girls attention. Don’t give him any attention and maybe he’ll stop.

Dinara: Wow.

Emma: (in second grade) I hope I’m that smart when I become a mom.

So I’m sitting here staring at the screen wondering what to write about when I hear a scream from our playroom.

Noah our four-year-old-wonder-kid then yells “I’m sorry”

The tone of the sorry was authentic. And put up my “mommy radar” more then the scream did.

I go in and see 6 year old Dinara curled up on the carpet holding her stomach.

“What happened here?” I asked.

Dinara looks up at me through tears in her eyes and then gives the evil eye to brother. But says nothing. I thought she said nothing because she was hurt… but now I think she was simply seething.

I turn to Noah. “Noah what happened here?”

“Mom it wasn’t me! She didn’t hold up her end of the deal”

“I don’t understand Noah”

“She’s Bendy Girl mom… the punch was supposed to BOUNCE.”

Oh. Ok. Well that explains everything.

The following lines were all uttered by my children tonight in the span of less then 5 minutes. They are out of order…but you will get the gist.

Mom why is the moon following us?
Mom can you turn up that song?
Dinara stop singing.
Mom can I have some gum?
Mom Noah is touching me.
Mom Noah is still touching me.
Mom make Noah stop touching me.
I don’t like this car seat.
I want a new car seat.
Can you buy me a new car seat?
Mom are you listening to me?
Well can you?
Mom can we have dessert?
Can I go over to my friends house?
Do we have to have baths tonight?
Mom do you like driving?
I have to go potty real bad.
Noah you have a booger on your face.
Stop laughing at me.
Mom Dinara is laughing at me.
Mom you said you’d buy us Lion King 2.
You promised.

[sing-song voice sung by all three]
Inky Binky Bonky
Mommy rode a donkey
Donkey died
Mommy cried
Inky Binky Bonky

Repeat more times then I can count. Although different family members ride the donkey in case you were wondering.

Affection abounded today at Casa Familia de Kym. Thought I’d share a couple of highlights!

Noah looked back at me over his shoulder as he headed up the stairs this morning to get dressed – gave me a big smile and said: “You know I love you real big right?”

Emma at bedtime after seeing me snuggle the other two kids during our get ready for bed fest: “I absolutely need my momma snuggle time. Out of my way kids, she’s all mine!”

Dinara said to me while I was drying her off after her shower this evening: “You really do love me don’t you?”

Doesn’t get much better then that does it?

We were in Florida on vacation and it was evening time. It was the witching hour. You parents will understand what I mean by that phrase. It’s the time of day when your kids go a bit nuts and you wonder if your sanity will hold out till bedtime. It’s almost like they have some little internal clock that winds tighter and tighter as the sun goes down.

It was hot. The afternoon tropical rain had given way to sunny 92 degree twilight. The air even felt heavy to breathe. And like any good mommy, I was struggling to think how I could go about not only entertaining my brood, but creating a cool memory filled evening — without having the kids up too late. Then it hit me: let’s go out for ice cream!

Everyone was incredibly excited. In the car my 4 year old daughter Dinara was explaining in great detail about the difference between the cones, the types of chocolate ice cream and the merits of sprinkles vs. M & M’s for toppings. Dinara looks forward to trips to the ice cream parlor like other kids look forward to trips to an amusement park.

After much debate in front of the ice cream counter the kids made their choices. Emma got a Butter Pecan and Vanilla Cone with rainbow sprinkles. Dinara got Chocolate Chunk and Mint Chocolate Chip with Chocolate sprinkles. Noah got an Oreo Cookie and Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream in a cup with whipped crème. They were jumping up and down they were so excited.

Emma got her cone first. And it promptly slipped from her hand and fell smack on the floor. Just like watching a death defying action stunt in a movie, we all gasped in unison. She was devastated. The heat, the build up for the ice cream, the witching hour and then the cone loss all blended together to set up a perfect melt down. Her bottom lip began to tremble and she did a Puss-N-Boots sad kitten imitation that could win an Oscar before the tears started streaming.

I handed Dinara and Noah their ice creams and knelt down to comfort Emma. Her sobs muffled in the nape of my neck as I stroked her back and told her we could get her another one. But before the words were completely out of my mouth, Dinara without provocation, pushed between us and offered her cone to Emma. Before even taking a lick herself, she offered her confection treasure to her sister to lessen her suffering. She put her sister before herself. I shot her a proud smile. She beamed in the glory of knowing she did something right and good.

It was one of those “ah-ha” moments that wash away parenting ‘am I raising them right’ worries. My child recognized her sibling’s suffering and she gave up something she loved to make her sister feel better. She demonstrated compassion without prompting. Compassion married by providence. What more could a parent ask for?

Noah to Dinara: This time don’t get me wet when I get in the water. I want to stay dry.

Emma to her father: What does dicking around mean?

Noah: My tummy hurts because there is a baby in it.

Noah: I’m going to go get on my babe-in-suit.

Dinara to me: Why don’t you start buying my birthday presents now so you can have lots by my birthday?

Bad guy pigs in Zelda game have been dubbed: Sniffy Pigs.

Last night, Daddy was putting the kiddos to bed, per usual. Noah however, was a bit sad. We had a busy day and he was just weepy. Not an annoying whiney cry, just a sad melancholy weepy.

He came downstairs, climbed up into my lap and snuggled down underneath my chin and wrapped his arms around me, sniffling a bit. There was no stalling bedtime feeling; it was just pure “I need my mom”. He gave that extra little push so he could get extra close and nuzzled his nose in my neck and squeezed me tight.

Me: What’s the matter son?
Him: I’m sad and and I need you.
Me: I’m here.
Him: Daddy wouldn’t let me get momma lovin’.
Me: Why not?
Him: I don’t know.
Me: Was it because you supposed to be in bed already?
Him: Probably. But I needed it.
Me: I need it too.

So we sat there awhile & snuggled. My son and me.

It’s 2:50pm and I am finally getting a shower. I spent the morning cleaning and doing laundry and I decided I needed a kid break. A nice hot shower seemed like a great opportunity.

The following is not a glimpse at my parenting best. It’s just real. Cause my kids are driving me crazy today.

2:49 I tell my children I am going to take 15 mins to take a shower. To not bother me unless it’s important. I’d be out in a few minutes.

2:50 I get in the shower.

2:52
Dinara: Mom?
Me: Yes?
Dinara: Noah whacked me in the arm with the broom.
Me: Im sorry. I bet that hurt.
Dinara: Aren’t you going to do something?
Me: Tell him I said to stop it.
She’s happy with this response– she leaves.

2:53 I’m lathering up my hair and Noah comes in.
Noah: Mom?
Me: Yes Noah.
Noah: Dinara is bossing me around.
Me: Did you hit her with the broom?
Noah: Yes but she’s bossing me.
Me: Are you using your words and telling her you don’t like that?
Noah: Oh. Yeah. Ok. (leaves)

2:56
Noah She told me to shut up.
The forth coming response must not have been quick enough.
Noah: Mom are you talking to me?
Me: Noah.. what do you want me to do?
Noah: I don’t know.
Me: You guys need to solve your problems with words. If I have to solve the problem, no one is going to like the solution.
Noah: (sighs heavily) Ok. Mom?
Me: Yes Noah?
Noah: Do you have soap on your face?
Me: No Noah. Can mommy have some privacy please?

2:59
Dinara: Mom?
Me: What now?
Dinara: Can I have a cookie?
Me: No.
Dinara: But Mom… I am really hungry. Can I have some fruit?
Me: Dinara go to your room and wait there till I get out of the shower.
Dinara: But mom…
Me: Just go or you won’t get anything.

3:01
Noah: Mom?
Me: What?
Noah: Can I have some fruit?
Me: Go to your room and wait there till I am done.

Husband John’s exasperation: Sometimes you kids drive me crazy!
Dinara’s 5 year old response: Indeed.

The conversation below was with my almost four year old son while waiting in our minivan this morning for school to start.

Noah: Mom I want tuna when I get home from school.
Me: Ok.
Noah: Not on bread. No noodles.
Me: Ok Noah, just plain tuna. I can do that.
Noah: With that stuff in it.
Me: Mayonnaise?
Noah: Yes. On a plate.
Me: No problem. You can have tuna on a plate for lunch.
Noah: And Salt.
Noah: And pepper.
Me: Ok son.
Noah: You are the best mom.
Me: You are the best son.

Noah and Dinara turn a golden brown in the sunshine. They have gorgeous skin color — a tribute to their Persian and Central Asian heritage. They understand that they are a different color because they were born in Kazakhstan… or so I thought.

Me: Dinara your skin is so brown! You got a great tan. It’s beautiful!
Dinara: Yep, you are white.
Me: I wish I was as brown as you.
Dinara: I’m beautiful.
Me: Yes you are. How did you get so brown?
Dinara: I drink lots of chocolate milk and not much water.

Note: Just to clarify the water comment. Dinara’s sister Emma, who is very light skinned and Irish looking drinks mostly water and Dinara believed that Emma was “washed out” by all that water.

Gosh I love the way kids think!

Conversation with 3 year old boy child:

Him: Look ma, I’m washing my nits!
Me: Your what?
Him: My nits!
Me: What are your nits?
Him: These! Me: You mean nuts?

And then the thought occurred to me that maybe I shouldn’t be calling them nuts. Should I correct him and ask them to call them his testicles? As a parent should I teach my kids proper slang? Is it more socially acceptable to call them nuts or balls? Or hell, lets face it… the NITS thing was kinda cute! (Except I think nits are bugs aren’t they? Not exactly something we want to joke about… having bugs “down there”!)

I never thought I would be blogging about testicle terminology.

Here is an exchange between my darling daughter Dinara, age 5 and Noah who’s 3 1/2:

Dinara: Noah, boys don’t have babies in their tummies.

Noah: They do if they eat them.