Extraordinary Mundane

Im in the final days of the end of the school year here. I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel! It’s been a crazy few months and I am so looking forward to summer. There is sunlight this morning… could this be mother nature telling us that summer is right around the corner in the Pacific NW? Please?

We heard from our Handler’s on Friday and Denali has won 3 of the last 4 shows he’s been in. YIPEE! So we are very happy about that. The big deal now is that we need him to win “major” shows. This means that they are big shows. To get his championship he needs to accrue 15 points and win at least two major shows. Major shows are shows with at least 3 points. So we need to have about 9 male dogs entered (depending on the division) to count as a major.

This week was good for me workout wise. I ran twice, swam twice and biked once and did yoga. Yay me. I feel good too. I’m actually looking forward to my training again now that I have some schedule flexibility and the “to do” items on my list are lightening up. Next week my goals are to run longer without walking. I want to be able to do 4 miles again without walk breaks. I’m mentally feeling more ok with doing the Tri. If I cant’ do it at the level I want to do it… so be it. The training isn’t becoming part of my identity this year and that feels way better to me.

One of my big goals for this summer is to clean out and organize my house. I am looking so forward to it. I am going to slowly and methodically go through each room and purge all the accumulated stuff we have. I am also going to make sure that all the ‘crap’ has a home. I especially want to do this in the garage. I’d love to do a “clean sweep” sort of thing. Take everything out and then back up a big salvation army truck to haul all the crap away.

I also want to plan a little vacation with my kids this summer. Im trying to figure out where we could go that the kids would like. Maybe camping? Maybe to the San Jaun Islands? Maybe upto Canada? I need to look into that.

I woke up too early this morning. I’m feeling quite sleepy since I didn’t get to bed till after 1am last night. The sun was just streaming in through my windows(not that I’m complaining!) and I couldn’t get back to sleep. I don’t think I want to waste a single minute of it. I feel so appreciative of it.

I guess it’s a gratitude filled morning in a lot of ways. As I laid in bed thinking, my thoughts drifted to my husband. He’s such a fantastic Daddy. I honestly can’t imagine an overall better parenting partner. He really is the perfect ying to my yang. As I grow older and more wise — I become even more aware and appreciative of the way he brings calm, peacefulness and nurturing to our family. Happy Father’s Day honey! I love you!

Enjoy the rest of the weekend!

It’s only Tuesday, but it feels like a Thursday. This freakishly cold, grey and oppressively winter-like weather we are having is bringing me down. I am in desperate need of some sunshine and warmth.

John and I made progress on the patio this weekend. I only threatened to divorce him twice this weekend. We are just not meant to do home improvement projects together. Everything is a mess, but since I’ve not posted any progress pictures… I’m assuming you can look past the uncleaned rock on the BBQ, the stickers still protecting the stainless cabinets since I am a messy grouter and the hose and cement pieces we haven’t cleaned up. I should do a blog post on installing Roxpro. There’s a science to it. I’m getting better. The rock on the sitwall has been “cleaned” so that is what the BBQ will look like when it’s done. We are still deciding on what product to use as a countertop. We are leaning towards tile right now. Could be rock though. We are unsure.

Emma was in the Talent Show at school last week. I had Dinara’s crappy little video camera. Here’s the performance for your viewing pleasure. I think they did great. Takes a certain amount of confidence to get up in front of 450 kids and sing!

So this weekend I ran 2 miles on a flat course. I didn’t hurt afterwards. I couldn’t run without walking though. So I really need to work on my aerobic endurance. And after the run I swam a 1/2 mile in the glorious 45 mins of sunshine we had. The swim was difficult and I had trouble catching my breath. Just felt like a crap swim. Until I had to share a lane with this gorgeous 25 year old. I don’t remember much of the swim after that. All I remember is he was wearing a speedo and was chatty.

Yesterday I had yoga and that went really well. I do enjoy it. Except we did more Abdominal Work and Im not such a fan of that. I like the poses and stretching mucho better. Afterwards I swam. This swim went really well. 1/2 mile in 21 mins. I think that is the fastest I have been yet. And this swim just felt good.

Just got really bad news about our taxes today too. I’m not a happy camper. Especially because one of the professionals gave me crap advice and I listened to it. *sigh*

Dinner tonight was Chicken Piccata, Rice Pilaf and Broccoli. The chicen was this lemon stuff I bought at a new store and it was too peppery. But live and learn.

New Ringtone: Clumsy by Fergie “can’t help it, the girl can’t help it”

Best thing to happen today, perhaps this week: Boss told me I can have complete flextime this summer. YIPPEE!

Yoga Thought for the Week: It takes practice to be connected spiritually to movement. Easier to spiritually and mentally disengage and just let things happens to you. Yoga, like life, is done best with quiet intention.

Creative moment: I made the cutest card for my friend who’s moving away. I really love it.

Life’s biggest blessing right now: GLORIOUS WEEKEND OF FREE TIME!

Dogshow Madness: Denali is off today to go to dogshow camp. Hopefully he’ll win a couple shows. If he doesn’t, we’ll probably pull him from the confirmation circuit till he matures a bit more.

End of school: June 19th. We are counting down the days. I have a bazillion things to do before it ends. This time of the year is like drowning no matter how much you preplan.

Financial: The agriculture and gold etf’s I bought to rebalance my portfolio in January are now keeping my portfolio afloat. It’s a rough market. Batten down the hatches.

House in Florida: We are painting it right now. I have to go pick out a color tomorrow.

I’m dealing with this stupid medical issue that I haven’t blogged much about. (Ok ok, I know I haven’t been blogging much about anything recently- but honestly – Im trying to do better! )

My hematologist called me the other night and told me my Haptogoblin numbers are really low. But since my Reticulocyte count is normal… she’s not sure what is going on. All my other liver enzymes are normal. I am very frustrated. I have an appointment with an internist in a couple weeks but I am going to share my medical info in case some googling stranger or doctor has some sense of what this could be. I’ve been dealing with this for months now and still don’t feel like Im any closer to understanding what the problem is.

Here are the numbers:

Urine
• UA Urobilinogen 2.0 (< .2 is the reference range) Billirubin in the urine
• UA RBC 5H (<=2) RBC in the urine
• UA CA Ox Crystals: Moderate

Blood
• Bilirubin Total 2.9 H (.1 -1.5)
• Bilirubin Direct .4 H (0-.3)
• RBC 3.37 L (3.8-5.2)
• Hgb 10.9 (11.6-15.5)
• Hct 33.1 (35.0-46)
• RDW 16.2H (11-14.5)
• Haptoglobin low less than 6 (reference range is normal is above six)
• Reticulocyte Count Normal

Symptoms:
• Cold all the time
• Short of breath
• Incredible Fatigue
• I have lost weight but I am hoping that is just because of working out
• Right Flank Pain (comes and goes) (thought was a kidney stone but contrast CT was clear)
• Flank pain started in December – it’s worst after I run and has moved “lower”
• Some pressure/pain while urinating sometimes. Not UTI kind of pain but almost like a “vacuum” kind of pain. It’s not pleasant but it’s sporadic.

Urologist says no kidney stone. Im actually not convinced it’s not a stone. Hematologist thinks that the anemia is secondary and being caused by inflammation somewhere in the body – she thinks a kidney stone. Now Im going to go to yet ANOTHER doctor to find out what THEY think.

So… any ideas?

So here I am. 6 years out from my amazing weight loss surgery the Duodenal Switch. I’d like to tell you that nothing much has changed but truth is, everything has changed. For the better. I am a completely different person then I was 6 years ago as I walked into that operating room wondering if I would live through the surgery.

First, let me cover all the post op details for my fellow duodenal switch sisters and brothers. My weight is completely stable and bounces in a ten pound range. I am healthy. My cholesterol is around 100. My blood pressure is 110 over 65. My resting pulse rate is about 53. I am no longer diabetic. I can walk long distances without pain. I can move my body. I do not define success by the fact that I lost 160 lbs but rather that I have kept it off. As far as surgery side effects, I really don’t have any unless I eat a ton of white flour. Everything pretty much stablizes after year five.

The bad news is that I do struggle with anemia and being deficient in some vitamins and minerals due to my surgery. I have to take prescription Vitamin D. I often feel tired because either my iron stores are low or I don’t have enough red blood cells. (I struggle with several different types of anemia). But honestly, compared to the diabetes and the co morbidities I was facing fat – it’s a welcome change.

The biggest change in me though is that I no longer use food to soothe me. Although I will always have emotional eating tendencies, I no longer immerse myself in food. I love myself so much, that I only feed myself really good food. My tastes have changed dramaticly. In fact, it’s hard to me to articulate if I have changed emotionally or if my tastes changed so much that I no longer crave the crap I was eating. Honestly… the thought of fast food now doesn’t appeal to me in the least. Talk to me about eating a 5 course meal prepared with fresh seafood, veggies and grains – by a chef – and I will become exicted!

Now when I eat… I eat with intention. I savor. I am no longer sitting down with a bag of chips and mindlessly eating one after another. I am now much more likely to take a handful, bake them up with artichokes, cheese and tomatoes – and then pour some gourmet salsa on them with sour cream. And really enjoy them! They aren’t masking anything other then pure love I have for creative food!

I am no longer the fat girl mentally either. I don’t see myself as fat anymore. There are only rare occurances when I think “I can’t do that physically because I’m fat” and then I remember: Oh wait.. you aren’t anymore! I think I think of food fairly normally. I eat desserts, bacon, red meat – but I also now really enjoy fresh veggies, only tend to eat whole grains, and avoid high fructose corn syrup.

I also enjoy exercise now. I have spent the last two years on a journey to learn how exercise really can make you feel. Low and behold – the key to exercise was not that doing it will create some logical caloric deficiency – but rather how it makes you FEEL. I went through a period of time when I really ‘binged’ on exercise and it became like the new drug. Now I feel much more balanced. I know what it can do for my body and I listen to my body. I know I take longer to recover and I know what feeling fit feels like. And I realize how exercise is one of the building blocks to being a healthy and whole person.

The next step on my journey is that I am learning to love my body and not be so mentally abusive with myself. So help me God — this is what i am going to master in the next couple years. I am letting go of the negative self talk for not being perfect. Now I can appreciate and feel confident that I am simply on a path – and perfection isnot the quest. It’s actually the imperfections that give character to the person I am today. I appreciate their gifts. I can appreciate where I am now on my journey and not feel less than perfect because of it.

Amazingly, I don’t have any other physical goals other than to just be healthy. (amazing! no goals!) That has to be a true testament to my emotional change. The vanity that swelled up when I lost the weight has succumbed to a peaceful acceptance of who I am. No self hatred. Nothing really I am striving to improve. I am peaceful and my Yoga practice is bringing me balance both physically and spiritually. I feel immense gratitude these days for the life I have and the body I have been given. How many 40 year olds can say that they have a better, stronger and healthier body then they did when they were 20?

6 years, 160 lbs still gone. Funny though that I no longer want to define this process by what I lost (160 lbs) but rather by what I gained. A new more balanced me.